Which I’d loved.
Hours later, I hadn’t loved it so much.
What kind of mother did that make me?
Then, as if my world wasn’t ending, Bourne had pulled up laughing with my son in tow.
I’d…lost it.
I couldn’t say that I was super proud of what I’d done.
I couldn’t say that I shouldn’t have handled it differently.
But… honestly, I’d been so scared.
My son, my five-year-old almost six-year-old, the little boy that was my heart and soul, was just fine.
And Bourne had been laughing as if my heart hadn’t been shattered since I’d gotten that call.
As if everything was all okay with the world.
And I’d just snapped.
Watching the door close solidly behind Bourne, I felt something in my stomach sour.
I glanced over to Booth to see him looking torn, as if he wanted to go after Bourne, but couldn’t quite decide whether he was still pissed or not.
I didn’t have the same problem.
I was still very pissed.
And I needed to call the cops to tell them that everything was okay.
I also needed to start calling around to the people that were on the lookout for my son.
Except, before I could do any of those things, the door opened again, and my heart leaped.
It wasn’t Bourne, though.
It was Dillan.
I hadn’t even realized that she’d left.
I watched as Dillan walked by with a crying Asa, and I realized he’d heard me yell at Bourne.
Shit.
Just as fast, Dillan was back sans Asa, and she had anger written all over her face.
She had her hands on her hips, and she was staring at the two of us like we were bothersome children instead of the adults we were.
“He’s right.”
Booth crossed his arms over his chest.
“No offense.” She looked at the man she was going to marry. “But Booth, Bourne’s been here for a lot. Out of all of us? He’s been the one who was here, the most consistently, since Asa was born. Think about it? You and me, Delanie? We have new, fledgling businesses. Booth? You were gone in the military. But Bourne? He’s always been here. He was the first one to see Asa walk, for God’s sake. And now you’re going to degrade his position in Asa’s life by this? You’re a hypocrite. You can’t have it both ways.”
Booth didn’t say anything.
I didn’t either.
“He’s taken Asa to the doctor more than you have.”
Booth’s jaw tightened.
“He’s gotten Asa from school more than you have.”
Booth looked down at his feet.
“He’s put Asa to bed more than you have.”
Booth’s fingers clenched into fists.
“Granted, he’s had more time with him unlike you,” Dillan conceded. “But he’s been here. He deserves to do what he did today, and y’all yelled at him for it.”
I felt my belly pitch.
“The last couple of hours were scary,” she said. “But Bourne was right. None of us tried to call him. Whatever cursory call you did wasn’t enough. We should’ve continued to try to call him. It’s the only thing that made sense. We couldn’t find Asa, and we couldn’t find Bourne. It made sense that they were together.”
It did.
“I tried to call him. It went straight to voicemail,” Booth grunted.
“And I realize that you’re pissed that happened,” Dillan agreed. “But you know just as well as I do that he had no control of that. The movie theater and the doctor’s office have shitty reception. They always have. That’s no fault of Bourne’s. Jesus, y’all just yelled at him. Reamed him. Practically called him a shitty uncle, and then threw the fact that he wasn’t Asa’s father in his face. But, just sayin’, me and Bourne have done our parts in raising that kid. He may not be our flesh and blood son, but we love him like he’s our own. He is our nephew. And you can’t throw it in our faces that he’s not actually ours when it suits you.”
Dillan was pissed now, too. I could tell.
And the words I’d said to Bourne not too long ago came back and burned as I thought about what I’d said.
“Trust me,” Dillan said. “It’s more than obvious that he’s not ours. We know it. Everyone in town knows it. It fucking burns. Y’all will never know how it feels, either. You won’t know how it feels to have the person that you love having a child with someone else. But Bourne and me, specifically me? We know how it feels.”
With that, Dillan picked up her bag and left.
I sat down and pressed my hands against my face.
“I was fucking scared,” I sniffled.
Booth sighed. “I was, too.”
That wasn’t a good enough reason, either.
“I didn’t handle that well,” I admitted.
“No, we didn’t,” he agreed.
“You didn’t say anything bad,” I pointed out.
“No.” He paused. “But I sure didn’t speak up, either. And that speaks louder than words when it comes to my brother.”
I scrubbed at my eyes, the feeling of a migraine coming on fast.