Say It Ain't So (SWAT Generation 2.0 9)

“I should probably tell you that I was a productive member of society this week, that I’d totally kicked ass at life, but all I did when I wasn’t working was think about you. Think about the baby. Think about what was going to happen in a few months when it wasn’t just me anymore.” I paused. “I don’t know you. You don’t know me. Hell, it could turn out that you hate my guts and you don’t want anything to do with me once you get to know me, but I want to try. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you. And I want to go to all these baby appointments that are coming up. I want to be a part of his or her life.” I swallowed. “And until tonight, I didn’t realize that you were a major part of my future. That when I think about life down the road, you’re always in it with me.”

“I thought you said that you’d tried not to think about the baby,” she said softly.

“Trying being the operative word,” I said. “Trying was something that I did, but never actually accomplished. When I wasn’t kept busy at work, I was thinking about how the hell we were going to raise a kid—how I was going to help you raise a kid. I know nothing about babies. Like I said, every single scenario that I have planned for, you’re in it with me.”

She frowned. “You don’t even know me, Sammy.”

I nodded. “Which is why I want to get to know you. Why I want to be around. I want you to know me.”

“I’m really sleepy,” she admitted. “I…”

“I am, too,” I confessed. “I got off work and went straight to the strip club. Didn’t even have time to eat.”

Her eyes went soft. “I have some leftovers in the fridge. Aurora and I ordered Chinese food before we went. I think there’s an entire box of chicken fried rice, sweet and sour chicken, and a couple of egg drop soups.”

My eyes must’ve shown my excitement because she laughed and walked to the fridge, pulling out all the boxes she’d just described.

“I had a craving for Chinese,” she admitted. “We got way more than I intended because I couldn’t decide on what I wanted.”

She stuck all three boxes in the microwave and turned them on for three minutes.

“I know that you’re going to be good,” she said. “That you’re not going to hurt me intentionally, but I want you to be really careful. With me.”

I laughed then. “Maybe you should be careful with me right back.”

Her eyes went heated. “I’m pretty sure that you’re beyond needing gentle.”

I dropped the mask that’d been in place since I’d realized that I almost lost it earlier.

“I lied earlier,” I said.

Her brows rose as her frown grew fierce. “About what?”

“I told you I got off work and went there. I didn’t have any intention of going there until I realized that you were there,” I said. “I saw your car in the parking lot and every single piece of tiredness left my bones. I wanted to be in that room so badly with you that I couldn’t see straight.”

Her hand pressed against her throat.

“I followed you on your run yesterday,” I said. “You didn’t see me. But I was about a half mile back the entire time. I’d already run eight miles that morning. When I saw you leaving, I followed you outside even though I knew that I’d have to get back home and shower all before I had to be at work not too long after I got home. But I followed you anyway.”

She chuckled then, making my heart kick.

God, the sound was like music to my ears.

“I even fucking switched my shifts around with a buddy so I could see you more… or see your car, anyway. I’m a fuckin’ loser for you already. So when I say you need to be gentle with me, I mean it. I’m halfway gone, and have been since you said ‘pew, pew, pew’ in Walgreens while a gunman had his shotgun aimed in our direction,” I admitted.

Her head jerked up. “That’s… no.”

I nodded my head. “You want to know the real reason that I was upset? I wanted to see you. Talk to you. Hear your voice. Hell, you could’ve told me to fly up to Alaska for half a day, and I would’ve done it. I looked out that window four times a day to see if your car was back in your driveway yet.”

Her lighthearted laughter made something inside of me that’d tightened over the last couple of days loosen.

“I need a shower,” she finally said once her laughter had dimmed. “Do you…” She scrunched up her nose. “Tricks are for kids.” She looked at the ceiling. “Do you want to, um, pew, pew, pew.”