Fragile Longing

Without another word, I walked away in search of the open bar. After a drink of Scotch, I felt more at ease. Still, I kept searching the room for Serafina. My brain just couldn’t let it rest. Frustrated at myself, I went in search of Pietro or Samuel. A cursory glance told me Emma was still talking to Anna and Sofia.

When I finally found Pietro, he was standing on the terrace in the winter cold, talking to Dante.

“Am I interrupting anything?” I asked as I joined them.

“No, come join us,” Dante said. The worry of the last few months that had settled in every line on my face also showed on his.

“When are you going to make it public?” I didn’t have to elaborate what I meant.

Pietro and Dante exchanged a look, then Pietro sighed. He took another sip from his drink. “We’ll try to keep it a secret for as long as possible. But I doubt we can cover it up for more than two more months. People will get suspicious if Serafina stays away from social events.”

“Why didn’t she get an abortion? Did she find out too late?”

“She didn’t want an abortion,” Pietro said. His voice made it clear that his choice would have been different if it had been up to him.

“But she’s going to give it away for someone else to raise?”

Dante shook his head, and Pietro emptied the rest of his glass then lit a cigarette. For a moment, I considered asking him for a smoke. I felt like getting drunk and smoking until I forgot everything around me. But neither was an option. I needed to stay sober enough to get Emma back to the hotel, and she didn’t like it when I smoked because it had killed our grandfather and would soon kill Father.

“She’s going to raise Falcone’s child?”

I didn’t get a reply. I couldn’t understand how Serafina could even consider raising his child. That she didn’t want an abortion was something I could comprehend. But actually watching Remo’s child grow up after what he did? That was insanity. Women got sentimental when they were pregnant. Maybe she’d change her mind later.

It shouldn’t even matter to me. Serafina wasn’t my business anymore. And yet, it still felt as if she were, as if everything that had happened to her would still fall back on me.

It was a prideful thing to consider, but I was unable to abandon the thought.I’d been so excited when I’d heard that Danilo would be coming to Uncle Dante’s Christmas party. When he hadn’t attended Dad’s birthday party, I’d been disappointed. I wanted to see him again now that he was mine. Few people knew about our engagement yet—which wasn’t even an official engagement. That party would only happen when I was older.

My excitement faded when I met Danilo at the party. I’d taken longer than ever before to get ready. I’d chosen a new elegant dress, and I’d even put on a hint of makeup I’d snuck out of Fina’s room. Despite my efforts, Danilo hardly looked at me. It was as if I were air. His expression was passive. The only time there was a flicker of passion was when he spotted Serafina across the room. After that, I was invisible to him. Anna nudged me once he left.

“Hey, don’t pull such a face,” she whispered then turned back to Emma. I forced my eyes away from Danilo and smiled at Emma.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “I haven’t checked out the buffet yet. Maybe we can do it together.”

She nodded and smiled shyly.

Anna grinned. “Finally. I’m starving.”

Anna walked ahead, parting the crowd so Emma could wheel through them. It was obvious that Emma was embarrassed by the attention, so I stayed by her side and distracted her with chitchat.

“I’m happy that you’re going to marry my brother,” she said a little later when we stood in a corner of the room, eating.

That surprised me. “You are?” I cringed at how eager I sounded. Like a puppy desperate for a treat.

“We’re close in age, so we can be friends.”

“We’re already friends,” I said. Emma and I weren’t as close as I was with Anna or my friends from school because I didn’t see her as often, but I liked her. After her accident, I hadn’t been sure how to treat her, but I’d soon realized that she was still the same girl from before, only less mobile.

Emma’s eyes darted to something behind me. I turned. Danilo was heading our way again, a drink in his hand. I straightened and smiled in that sophisticated way Fina had perfected. His gaze passed me by before settling on Emma. “I see you’re taken care of. Will you be okay while I take care of business?”

Emma nodded. “Of course. I’m not a baby.”