Fragile Longing

Fina said something to Remo and he gave a short nod, scanned our surroundings again, then slid back into the car.

I didn’t relax, unable to take my eyes off Remo. Fina headed toward me, and I finally dragged my eyes away from the car. When Fina stopped in front of me, I was shocked to discover we were almost the same height. I’d always remembered her as much taller. Of course, I’d been only twelve the last time I’d seen her.

For a moment, we only stood across from each other. Then Fina bridged the distance between us and pulled me into her arms. I sank into her, feeling like a part of me had returned. Fina hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe, but I didn’t try to free myself. There wouldn’t be many more chances for us to meet.

“God, I missed you so much, ladybug.” She pulled back. “And I can’t believe how grown up you are. Whenever I thought about you, I still imagined that small twelve-year old, but you’ve become such a beautiful woman.”

She regarded my face and I did the same with hers. She was still gorgeous, but she’d changed. In the past, she’d always held herself a certain way, always with a hint of caution as if at any moment someone might be waiting to judge her actions. Now, she exuded an air of indifference, as if she couldn’t care less what anyone thought about her.

“I’d hoped you’d bring the twins,” I said quietly.

Fina sighed. “You know how it is.”

My eyes darted to the car and Remo Falcone. Of course, I knew the rules and a Made Man’s vigilance. Remo would have never allowed his children to be in danger. But I wasn’t sure if it was only his worry that led to the decision. Fina was a lioness when it came to her children. She probably would have been wary to have them here. We were sisters, but we also stood on different sides of the war.

“I know.”

Fina motioned at a bench nearby. “Why don’t we sit down for a bit and talk?”

We sat down, and for a moment silence reigned between us. It was strange being together again. I’d secretly hoped it would be the same between us, as if distance and time hadn’t touched our relationship, but that had been foolish. We had changed, so how could our relationship have remained unchanged?

“How are things between you and Danilo? You’ve been married for what? Eleven months now?”

I nodded. Our anniversary was in a week, which was perhaps why I’d felt the need for this meeting to really bring this year to an end. “Good,” I said. There was so much more to say, about our struggles in the beginning, about my occasional worries and doubts, and how much it had taken for me to overcome them. But my loyalties lay with Danilo, so sharing our former problems was out of the question. Danilo had done nothing to make me doubt myself these last few months, but the seed of doubt had been planted long ago, and it was far more difficult to burn out than I’d thought.

Fina regarded me. “That’s good to hear. I was so worried about you, and I felt terrible because you had to take my place. It felt as if I’d stolen part of your life by choosing not to marry Danilo.”

I linked our fingers, shaking my head. “Nonsense. You know I had a crush on Danilo. For me to be promised to him was the best thing that could have happened to me.”

And it was. Every day, Danilo and I became stronger as a couple. I loved him and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else, so ultimately Fina’s decisions had given me what I wanted. If she’d stayed in the Outfit, her presence would have been a ballast for my relationship with Danilo. Now, she had a chance at happiness with her family in Vegas and I could be happy with Danilo in Indianapolis. It was the best option for both of us.

“Are you and Danilo already trying for a baby?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. We needed to get to know each other first. That wasn’t really possible before our wedding.”

“Yeah,” Fina agreed. “With all of the social rules, people are forced to enter their marriage as strangers.”

I could hear the blatant disapproval for the system in her voice. In the past, she’d been a master of the Outfit’s rules, but she’d obviously grown out of them. Living in Camorra territory probably left her no choice. “What about you? Don’t you want more kids?”

Fina’s eyes widened and she laughed. “Maybe one day. Nevio’s still keeping me on my toes. If I get another one of him . . .” She laughed again.

I giggled. “I get that.”

Another car pulled up and my stomach plummeted when I recognized a familiar face behind the steering wheel. For a moment, I was frozen, unsure of what to do.