Fragile Longing

I slid to the edge of the bed. Someone had taken my shoes and mask off, but not my clothes. The leather pants hugged my body uncomfortably.

I got up, forcing down the rising emotions. Judging from the dimness outside, it was still early.

Danilo must have driven me to the lodge, carried me inside, and put me on the bed. A new wave of embarrassment washed over me.

What about Anna? Was she back as well? She must be so worried. I crept toward the door, wanting to go look for her, but then I remembered my costume.

I cringed as I looked down at myself and the outfit I’d chosen to gain Danilo’s attention. I couldn’t walk through the lodge with it. What if my bodyguards saw me?

What about Danilo? Was he still here? Or had he returned to the party? To the girls he’d been flirting with before I’d approached him. I shoved those thoughts aside and went straight ahead to the bathroom. When I spotted my reflection in the mirror, I froze, completely stunned by what I saw. My hair was matted from wearing a wig and my mascara was smeared under my eyes from crying, but that wasn’t even the worst of it.

That was the look in my eyes. It was empty and dejected. I didn’t recognize that hopeless shadow of a girl in front of me. I didn’t like her. After a quick shower, I dressed in simple shorts and a top.

I just wanted to go back home and pretend this weekend never happened, but I wasn’t sure if I could. In a few months, I had to marry Danilo. Right now, I couldn’t even think about it. I never wanted to see him again.

I grabbed my party clothes from the floor, rolled them into a tight ball, and threw them into the trash. Then I grabbed my discarded heels and hid them in the farthest corner of my closet before I stepped into the hallway.

The house was quiet and peaceful. Maybe nobody was awake yet. I headed downstairs. I dreaded meeting my bodyguards, or worse Danilo or Santino. I wasn’t sure if I could handle a confrontation now. I needed time to come to terms with the situation. But the house was silent, and I would have thought I was alone if not for the scent of coffee.

Before I could decide if I should head toward the kitchen, the door opened and Danilo appeared.

Our eyes met.

“Good morning.” He sounded calm and composed, but he didn’t look it. His clothes were wrinkled, and stubble covered his face.

I peered into his eyes, hoping to see what he felt. But his eyes were guarded. “Good morning. Thank you for bringing me here.” This forced politeness felt safe, almost as if last night had never happened.

Danilo nodded. “Do you want coffee?”

“Yeah.”

I followed him into the kitchen. He moved as if this was his place, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It pissed me off.

I sank down on a stool at the wooden kitchen table as Danilo poured me coffee. I took a sip, clutching the cup as if it were my lifeline. For a moment, he looked at me in a way that could be taken as affectionate, but then he cleared his throat and that polite mask I despised returned.

“How do you feel?”

I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I didn’t want to consider my emotions or the tight feeling in my chest and the hollowness in my belly.

“Don’t you have to return to your lodge?” I asked.

“Sofia,” he said gently. “Answer my question.”

This man before me was not the same man I had encountered last night. Something flickered on his face, an emotion trying to break forth, but it didn’t.

He waited and waited. The silence threatened to suffocate me. He was back to looking poised and in control, none of the aggression he had given off last night. Nothing that indicated anything had ever happened between us. And what had really happened between him and me? He’d thought I was someone else and wished that someone else was Serafina.

“Sofia.” Impatience entered his tone, and I snapped. I couldn’t pretend nothing had happened. Couldn’t, wouldn’t give him the absolution he probably wanted.

“It hurts,” I whispered harshly. “Between my legs, in my chest, everywhere. I should hate you.”

Danilo gave a curt nod, then finally his eyes cut to me. I wished I knew what he was thinking, but maybe it was for the best that I didn’t. “I didn’t know it was you.”

Didn’t he get it?

I pressed my lips together. “Trust me, I know.”

He nodded again as if he understood, but I doubted that he did. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, I sent Samuel a message, telling him I caught you and Anna at the party and drove you here.”