Fragile Longing

He searched my face, looking so openly confused that some of my anger slipped away, but I clung to the rest. I didn’t want to be forgiving.

“Don’t avoid me. We need to talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“About last night, about the party, about our marriage and what you expect from it. We’re both part of this bond, and I won’t let you run from it.”

“I’m not running from it. I’m just tired of investing too much in it when you don’t. I won’t allow myself to feel anything for you anymore. It’s your turn. I’m just done.”

Danilo pushed the door open further and stepped closer to me. How could he smell this good early in the morning? So warm and musky? He cupped my face. I didn’t pull back, but I didn’t let the touch soften me either. “Sofia, you don’t even know me, how can you have feelings for me?”

My chest tightened at his words. Anna had said the same thing, and I realized now that what I felt wasn’t really love, but I was in love with him. “You loved my sister even though you didn’t know her.”

He let out a dark laugh, a dimple flashing in his cheek. “I didn’t love her. I wanted to possess her. I didn’t know her, either. Love doesn’t work from a distance. You can only love whom you know. Love means work and dedication, but most of all, time.”

His words were firm, no hint of hesitation. I was surprised by his vision of love, even if it reflected what my mother had once told me. Maybe I’d been naïve to hope for love to come easily, served on a silver platter so I could feast on it.

I didn’t say anything. It was too much at once, and I still wasn’t sure I could believe him. Actions always spoke louder than words. He’d been with those blonde women for a reason, if it wasn’t longing for my sister, then what was it?

Danilo took a deep breath. “I never got the chance to get to know you, and you never got the chance to get to know me. Shouldn’t we start getting to know each other? That would be a good start to this marriage.”

“Last night was the start of our marriage,” I said, not willing to give in, even if he sounded reasonable. Maybe I had been foolish to invest feelings so early on, but that didn’t mean his actions were less hurtful.

“I should have controlled myself.”

“I didn’t want you to, and yet you did.” I’d provoked him to get a reaction out of him, to unleash his anger. That’s why I wasn’t even really mad at him for last night, not for his rage, for losing control. I was hurt because he was able to control himself. If that wasn’t crazy, I didn’t know what was. I was just disappointed and sad because my dreams of a happy marriage seemed so far away.

He frowned as if nothing I said made sense to him. Was it a man thing? A Danilo thing? Or maybe a Sofia thing? “I didn’t want you to control yourself,” I growled.

“Fuck, Sofia, you’re driving me insane. I’m not an idiot. I could tell you didn’t want me to mount you like an animal. You want lovemaking, so why did you provoke me?”

Lovemaking? Was that even an option? “Because your hatred is better than your disinterest. You could barely look at me!”

He shook his head. “I didn’t look at you because I wanted you, but you couldn’t bear my touch and you were scared because of the party. I acted like a gentleman because I didn’t want to force you when you were still suffering from our first encounter! I held back to show you I cared about this marriage and you. If I’d known you’d take it as proof that I don’t desire you, I’d have ripped your clothes off, buried my face between your legs and then fucked you.” His nostrils flared, his face contorting with frustration.

I blinked up at him. “You desire me?”

“Of course, I do. I’m not blind, Sofia. You’re a gorgeous woman. Any man would desire you,” he murmured, his eyes trailing lower to the lace-trimming over the swell of my breasts. “Give me a chance to make it up to you, Sofia. Let us work on our marriage. This is just the beginning of our life together. Our parents had good marriages, and I want the same.”

I stepped back, needing to create distance between us. I was too eager to dive headfirst into this again, to give my all for a chance at a happy marriage, but I needed to be careful if I wanted to protect myself. “I don’t know what to say right now. I’m just too overwhelmed.”

“I know,” he said in a low voice. With him so close, especially shirtless, in only low-cut boxers, it was difficult to focus. Maybe I hadn’t wanted the angry fucking like he said, but I wanted to be with him. “I’ll give you all the time you need, and I’m going to make up for my mistakes, especially your messed up first time.”