Fragile Longing

She seemed at a loss for words, and so was I. I hardly knew my wife. I reached out and cupped her face. She didn’t pull back, but she didn’t move closer to me, either. She simply watched me, as if she was trying to figure me out by merely looking. Most days I hardly understood myself.

“I want to kiss you,” I said in a low voice.

Sofia swallowed audibly but leaned forward and gave me a quick peck before she withdrew from my touch and turned on her back.

That wasn’t the kiss I’d envisioned, but I’d take whatever closeness Sofia was willing to allow.

She glanced at me. “I need time.”

“You’ll get all the time you need, Sofia. I’ll take what you’re willing to give, just never mistake my patience as disinterest again, because if it was up to me, your body would be mine tonight.”

She shivered and a pleased smile flitted across her face before I turned off the lights.

“Good night,” she whispered.

“Good night.”

I listened to her rhythmic breathing. This time she fell asleep without crying.

Maybe I could do this. Maybe I could fix whatever my thoughtless actions had broken.I woke with Danilo’s body pressed against me. I wondered if he did it on purpose, but I didn’t mind. I kind of liked waking up with his warmth at my back.

Danilo used our second day as a married couple to show me around Indianapolis as promised. He took me on a gondola ride in the city center, and the gondolier even sang for us. Unfortunately, he got many Italian words wrong which led to a few very awkward wordings. I had to stifle laughter at some of his mishaps because I didn’t want to offend him.

Danilo’s mouth twitched, and he leaned closer. “I had hoped this would be romantic. Alas.”

I giggled, then covered my mouth with my hand. Danilo looked pleased as he put his arm around me and pulled me closer until I was resting in the crook of his shoulder. I relaxed against him as the gondolier bulldozed through one Italian love song after the other.

“One day, I’m going to take you to Venice so we can have a romantic boat ride.”

“That would be wonderful,” I gushed, forgetting my new-restrained self for a moment.

Danilo took my hand and kissed my palm, the same gesture he’d used after the party.

After our tour through the city, we had an early dinner at a modern French restaurant in our neighborhood where I enjoyed a delicious bouillabaisse. It was still early in the evening when we returned home.

“I’m going to take a swim. Would you like to join me?” he asked.

I shook my head. I’d promised to call Anna. “I’m going to read a bit.”

He nodded, but I caught the hint of disappointment in his expression.

Once Danilo was gone, I took out my phone and called Anna. She picked up after the second ring. After I told her about our day, she said, “He’s trying, I have to give it to him. He’s probably worried about blue balls.”

I snorted. “I doubt he’s worried that I’ll make him wait forever.”

“Will you?”

I crossed the living room and stepped out on the terrace. “I don’t know. It’s not like I haven’t been thinking about being with him. Before the mess at the party, it was all I could think about.”

“Someone’s horny,” Anna said dryly, making me laugh.

“I just know I’ll get emotionally invested if I allow closeness.”

Anna cleared her throat.

“Even more emotionally invested. I don’t know if I want to risk that yet. Danilo says he desires me, and I believe him, but the thing with the blonde girls still unsettles me.” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

“As long as you’re not sure, don’t do anything. If you want to have sex with him because you feel like it, then do it, but if you’re doubting it, stay away. Buy yourself a Satisfyer or another toy to keep the hormones in check.”

“You are impossible,” I hissed.

“I’d lend you mine but that would be awfully strange and unhygienic.”

“Oh, be quiet!” I laughed.

“What? A girl needs to keep herself entertained!”

“As if you don’t know how to stay entertained.”

Anna laughed. We chatted a couple more minutes before we ended the call, and I went to the swimming hall. Danilo was just drying off. I watched his muscles flex as he ran the towel over them.

Before he could see me, I hurried back to the house.

I was already in bed when Danilo came upstairs and got ready for bed. It was close to midnight, and I wondered what he’d been doing since his swim. He looked tired.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

He startled, as if he’d forgotten about my presence. He perched on the edge of the bed. “I talked to my sister. She had a little freak out and I had to calm her down.”