Forever Pucked (Pucked 4)
“Yeah, so am I.”
“I didn’t know you worked out with Alex.”
“That’s not the kind of workout I’m talking about.”
Understanding dawns in her eyes. She looks around and lowers her voice when she asks, “Are things not good in beaverland? Is Daisy making that a challenge?”
“Daisy’s not really the problem.” I push the food around on my plate.
“Oh my God, did he pull a groin muscle or something? I know it was a hard hit. Why didn’t you say anything before now?”
“He didn’t pull a groin muscle. Super MC still works fine. It has more to do with Alex’s level of frustration than anything. He’s used to having a lot of stamina, and at the moment, well, he doesn’t, so I have to do all the work. Anyway, it’s good that I’ve been doing all that yoga with Sunny, ’cause my legs are getting a serious workout. Sex makes my abs hurt.”
“Right?” Charlene exclaims. “Some days it feels like I’ve done a P90X workout after a night with Darren.”
“Especially after away games. Sunny should come up with some kind of pre-sex yoga ritual so I don’t walk like a robot for three days afterward.” I’m joking about it, because otherwise I’m at risk of crying. I’m all over the place today with the emotions.
“Agreed.”
We’re silent for a minute—Charlene probably because she’s thinking about all the sex she’s been having and will be having tonight, and me because I’m thinking about all the sex I’m missing. Well, it’s not that the sex is missing, it’s that Alex isn’t in the right condition to bang on the beaver the way he usually does.
While I enjoy how sweet he can be, and how considerate he is during sex, I miss some of the intensity and aggression. But I know it will return.
“Honestly, Char, I can deal with the temporary lack of hot sexing. Mostly I’m glad he’s okay. It could’ve been so much worse.”
“But we know he’ll be fine.”
“That’s what the doctors are saying anyway.” The retrograde amnesia persists, with the hours surrounding the accident still missing, but otherwise he seems okay. I push my plate away. I’m so overwhelmed. Because fine is relative. Goddamnit. The tears start leaking out.
“Vi? Are you okay?”
I take a few deep breaths, trying to get myself under control. “I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not.”
“It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I just…I don’t know. I mean, now I have this account, and that’s awesome, but it’s going to be a lot of work, and right now all I can think about is being with Alex—and how much worse the accident could’ve been. He’s getting better, but he’s still a long ways from being totally fine. What if he’d had a serious brain injury? What if—” I can’t finish the sentence.
Charlene puts her hand over mine. “But he didn’t, and he’s okay. He’s going to be fine. You have to believe the doctors. It just takes time.”
“I know. But that’s this time. There’s no guarantee it won’t happen again.”
“Try not to think that way, Vi.”
I stare at my plate. “But it’s the reality of this profession. Bad things can happen.”
Char squeezes my hand tightly. “So what does that mean?”
“All I can really think about is how I don’t ever want to lose him.” I feel the wave building inside me. I’ve been holding it together decently since Alex came home from the hospital, but today it seems I’m due for a breakdown. A tear drops onto my sticky rice. “I love this job, but I’m starting to realize the nine-to-five isn’t something I’m going to be able to keep up over the long term. And I don’t think I’ll want to. So I need to figure out what’s realistic and adjust my plans.”
Charlene sits back, contemplating. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot.”
“I have.”
“I also think you should consider how stressed out you’ve been. Alex’s accident, the Darcy account, it’s a lot for anyone to handle.”
I set my fork down, my appetite gone—which is sad, because the food here is awesome. “I know, but it’s made me reevaluate what’s important.”
“Which is what?”
“I want to set a date for the wedding.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that life is too unpredictable to let my propensity for self-humiliation stop me from getting hitched. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and postponing the start of that because I’m going to embarrass myself is silly. That’s just the way I am. Waiting isn’t going to change it.”
-&-
After lunch I pack a box of files and head home, feeling lighter. I won over the Darcys, I’m going to work from home for a while, and as soon as the time is right, I’m going to tell Alex we should set a date.
I find him in the living room, lying on the couch with the remote control pointed at the TV. He rewinds and then presses play, turning up the volume. He doesn’t notice me watching him. I glance at the screen and realize too late it’s the footage from his injury. The crack when he hits the boards is amplified by the surround sound. Then the screaming fans drown out everything else.