Handle With Care (Shacking Up 5)

She looks up at me, expression full of sadness and remorse. “We found out later that Gwendolyn had faked the pregnancy as a way to force Fredrick to marry her.” She clears her throat and dabs at her eyes.

“How do you know she faked it?” I ask.

“Because you were born just shy of ten months after they eloped.”

I can’t seem to feel anything but shock. As a child, my mother called me her honeymoon baby with so much pride. Now I understood why. She’d tricked my father into marrying her. No wonder their relationship resembled a two-dimensional cutout. I don’t know how my father could stand to look at her every day for all those years. And suddenly so much makes sense, and instead of hating this woman, I feel bad for her, and maybe I understand why my father was so absent from my life. It doesn’t make it better, but at least it makes sense.

“To make a bad situation worse, two months after they eloped, I discovered I was about three months pregnant. College was over. I didn’t want to make Fredrick’s life more difficult, so I kept my pregnancy from him. I severed ties and moved out of the city.”

“But you obviously couldn’t stay away from each other based on this.” I motion to the pictures, evidence that he was very much a part of her life.

“I tried, Lincoln, sincerely I did. I raised Hope on my own. I wanted to be able move on, truly, but three years after Hope was born, I ran into your father. I took her to Central Park. Fredrick and I used to go there when we were in college. I missed him. I’d been so in love with him; it was painful to see him in Hope every day and not have him in my life. I just wanted to be close to him. I never expected I’d actually see him.” She wipes away tears and takes a moment to compose herself.

“I was pushing Hope on a swing when he came strolling through the park that day. You were with him. You and Hope are only months apart, and you both looked so much like Fredrick, even then. My God, I remember it as if it were yesterday. It felt like the shattered pieces of my heart mended as soon as I saw him.” She reaches for a tissue, more tears falling with her memories. “He quickly came to the conclusion Hope was his. He’d wanted to leave Gwendolyn, but then she announced she was pregnant again, and I knew that he couldn’t do that to her or you. Their relationship was never built on love. It was a business transaction and a way for Gwendolyn to get what she needed out of life.” She pauses. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak this way about your mother.”

I wave off the comment. “She’s blackmailing Wren right now to keep me from finding all of this out. I’m aware my mother is a manipulative bitch, so the apology is unnecessary.”

Jacqueline seems taken aback by my crassness, but she nods once and continues. It’s hard to argue with the truth. “Fredrick tried so hard to make it work with Gwendolyn, and I tried to stay away from him, but he wanted a relationship with Hope. He was trapped in a loveless marriage. He knew Gwendolyn would make the custody battle a nightmare and he feared what would happen if he left Gwendolyn to raise you and your brother on her own. He didn’t want to tear his family apart, and he didn’t want me and Hope dragged into it. So he stayed, and eventually Gwendolyn realized there was no way to keep me out of his life. He couldn’t walk away. He supported Hope and me financially, and emotionally, as best he could.”

“He really had two separate families.” Every time a question is answered, more new ones rise to take their place.

“And he tried his very best to support them both. By that point, his and Gwendolyn’s relationship was nothing but a shell. There wasn’t any love to hold them together, so she made a bargain—he would stay married to her, and as long as Hope and I remained a secret, we could continue to see each other and she wouldn’t bleed him dry in a divorce.”

It sounds exactly like something my mother would do. “And you were okay with that? Being a secret?”

“Of course not, but there were no other options. I loved Fredrick, love him still, even though he’s gone. I didn’t want to tear him away from you and your brother. I didn’t want to ruin your family, but we were … soul mates. In a different life, maybe we would’ve ended up together the way we should have, but it wasn’t that simple or easy.”