Ritual - Palm South University

I press my other hand over my mouth, crying so hard my chest burns.

“You said you’d never break me,” he chokes out, turning away from me before his emotion can show. “And you fucking lied.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“Get out,” he says, and then he starts beating his fist on the window. “Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!”

I bite my lip as more tears trickle over my cheeks, but there’s no use in trying to make him understand now. All I can do is leave him alone, like he’s asking me to.

I rush to the kitchen counter and grab my purse, not even trying to be careful to avoid the glass. At this point, if I get cut, I deserve it.

I deserve every ounce of pain I’m feeling right now.

It doesn’t take long for the elevator to ascend, and then I’m in it, and my back is to the wall, eyes on where Brandon stands across the penthouse. He has one hand on the giant window and the other scrubbing back over his head, his shoulders tense and rigid.

He turns just as the elevator doors begin to shut, and he forces a breath, covering his mouth with his hand as the first tear falls down his perfect face.

My eyes close before the doors do.

I can’t bear to see the pain I’ve caused.

I can’t bear to watch the only man I’ve ever loved cry because of me.

And on the way down, I realize it doesn’t matter if I watch or not. It’s still real. It’s still happening. It’s still true.

I’ve lost him.

And I know before the doors open again that I’ll never get him back.THEY DON’T MAKE NOISE-CANCELING headphones strong enough to drown out how loud the Alpha Sigma house can get on a Saturday night.

It’s especially difficult on this particular Saturday night, when half the sororities on campus are having their semi-formals, and half our brothers are pre-gaming, trying to get drunk enough to not care that they have to wear a tie all night.

Another roar of laughter, followed by the chanting of Chug! Chug! Chug! makes me grit my teeth and rip my headphones off, tossing them on my desk as I kick away from it. I don’t know who I’m trying to kid. Like I could sit here and study knowing that Cassie is down Greek Row getting ready to go to the Kappa Kappa Beta semi-formal.

Without me.

My chest squeezes hard, but I don’t lose my breath this time. In fact, I’ve become used to it, that aching hollowness inside me that likes to remind me from time to time that I’m alive and suffering.

Cassie and I haven’t spoken since the night I walked in on Grayson trying to kiss her at the campus coffee shop.

It’s not that she didn’t try — at least, at first. She texted me when I left her there at the reflection pond. She tried calling. Once.

But then?

Nothing.

And I know I have no right to be pissed off. If I wanted to talk to her, I should have answered.

I guess I just expected more effort.

I expected her to try harder.

And more than anything, I expected her to choose me the same way I’d chosen her.

Another sickening wave rolls through me, the same one that’s made it damn near impossible to eat or sleep since that night. I’m fighting down the urge to dry heave when there’s a soft knock at my door.

“Hey, Prez,” Kade says, leaning against the door frame. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his slacks, watching me with a sympathetic smile. “You doing okay?”

No one knows the specifics of what happened between me and Cassie, but with Grayson having a broken nose, and Cassie staying away from the house, they could do some simple math and figure it out.

“I’m good,” I lie. Then, I whistle, waggling my brows. “Look at you, all cleaned up.”

Kade stands tall and adjusts his tie. “I look dapper as fuck, don’t I?”

“I’m surprised you can fit those massive biceps of yours into a suit jacket, to be honest.”

He shakes his head, staring at said muscles. “I’m going to split a seam by the end of the night.”

I chuckle.

Kade relaxes again, leaning against the door frame and nodding to me with his chin. “What about you? Where’s your suit?”

I swallow, pretending to go back to the very important papers on my desk. “In my closet.”

“You’re not going tonight?”

“You already know the answer to that.”

Kade sighs, walking in to sit on the edge of my bed. “I know you and I aren’t exactly best buddies, Adam. Fuck, if I’m being honest? I hated your ass as a pledge last year.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“But,” he continues. “You’ve earned my respect since then. And one thing I like most about you is how openly and honestly you love Cassie.”