Beneath Your Beautiful (Beautiful 1)

I start thinking about what it is that draws me to her so enigmatically and I can’t help but feel like she might be as broken as I am.

I sit down, careful not to wake her, and place a feather-light kiss on her forehead. “I’m so sorry beautiful girl,” I whisper, hoping against all hopes that somehow she will hear me and feel how sorry I am. I don’t want to be the reason she breaks any further. I don’t want to be the reason her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are red.

I want to fix her.

Because deep down I know she’s going to fix me.

Chapter 10

~ Huntley ~

I hear Grayson leave the room after kissing me on the forehead. I’ve been awake but decided to keep my eyes closed to avoid having to talk to him. It took everything in me not to grab him and hold on tight when he whispered “I’m so sorry beautiful girl.” I don’t want him to blame himself for the state they found me in but that means I’d have to open up about my past and I’m not quite ready for that yet. I don’t know if I ever will be.

When the pain killers Demi gave me kick in, I decide not to fight my bodies need for rest. I fall into a deep sleep only to be assaulted by a haunting memory I wish I could permanently erase.

Jake’s huge house is empty. Something immediately feels off because there’s always a party here on a Friday night. In the three years I’ve been with Jake he’s never skipped throwing a party unless his parents were home, which wasn’t often. Their business always kept them away from home for long periods of time and I’m certain that’s why Jake is the way he is.

I’m already on edge and the fact that something doesn’t feel right isn’t helping with my nerves. The doctor called me today and after rushing over there he confirmed that I’m eight weeks pregnant. It’s Jakes’. I know that because he’s the only guy I’ve slept with but I don’t know how he’s going to react. I never know how he’s going to react to anything these days and I’m convinced it has something to do with drugs and alcohol. His parents have been home less and less and that’s made him party more.

I walk into the foyer expecting Jake to walk in but he doesn’t. It’s too quiet. I put my hand on my stomach and allow myself to think about my baby. Our baby. I wonder if he will have his daddy’s dirty blonde hair and brown eyes, or if she will have my blonde hair and blue eyes. I haven’t decided what to do yet, I wanted to tell Jake first so that we could decide together. Aborting is not an option but I would consider adoption. I’m too young to be a mom, though I know my mamma will support me no matter what. Jake won’t give up his party boy lifestyle and he definitely won’t want to be saddled with a kid now.

I walk up his staircase, deciding to check his room. Big mistake.

I hear moaning and as I walk in I see him and my best friend Taylor on his bed. They’re both naked and he’s on top of her, her legs wrapped around his waist as he thrusts into her. Their moans muffle the sound of my entrance and I stand stuck in the doorway. I think I might get sick. I gasp, covering my mouth as the tears build in my eyes. She screams his name and looks up, locking eyes with me.

“Oh fuck,” she says. Jake stops and looks back. His eyes go wide when he sees me but the look on his face is what finally gets me to move. I spin in the doorway and run towards the stairs. “Huntley wait!” Jake yells. As I make it to the top of the stairs his hand wraps around my arm, pulling me to a stop. I can’t bring myself to look at him. If I do then I know I will be sick, the image of them replaying itself in my head repeatedly. “Huntley I’m –“

“Shut up Jake! Just shut up!” I yell, interrupting whatever pathetic excuse he was prepared to give me.

His grip on my arm tightens. “You weren’t supposed to be here,” he growls. What the fuck? Anger temporarily takes the place of the betrayal I feel. He’s got nerve, I’ll give him that. My head snaps up and I look at his flushed, sweaty face through tear-filled eyes. “I came to tell you that I’m pregnant you asshole!”

His face pales and then contorts in anger. “You cheating whore!” he yells. His arm comes up and his fist makes contact with my jaw, making a popping sound. Pain shoots through my face. The force of his punch makes me lose my footing and I stumble, falling face first down the stairs. Everything around me is a blur and it feels like every part of me is on fire. I curl up at the bottom of the staircase, placing my arm over my stomach protectively. It hurts. It takes seconds to realize what’s going on but when I come to I hear Taylor yelling at Jake. “What the fuck Jake? You pushed her down the stairs?” She runs down but Jake gets to me first. His bare foot makes contact with my ribs and I cry out in pain. Why is he doing this? I know he’s aggressive but he’s never lifted his hands to me. Until now.

“You cheated on me!” Jake yells, kicking me again. I want to die it hurts so much. Taylor pulls Jake away, yelling “What are you talking about?”

My eyes are closed but I can tell he’s looking at me while he answers her. “She came over to tell me she’s pregnant! There’s no way that baby’s mine so she must be cheating!”

I suck in a breath, praying for enough strength to get myself and my baby out alive. The pain in my stomach has me wondering if there’s even still a baby to care about. “It’s yours,” I choke out. Between crying and the pain I’m having a hard time saying anything coherently. “Only you,” I choke out again, feeling the tears slide down my face. I know there’s no point in explaining he’s the father, he clearly doesn’t believe me.

“Oh my God Jake, she’s bleeding!” I hear Taylor shout. I don’t need to open my eyes to know where the blood is coming from. I can feel it and it makes me cry harder.

I feel hands on me and Taylors’ voice in my ear but then everything goes black….

I wake up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down my face and I clutch at my flat stomach. The memories of that night are still so fresh, even after seeing a therapist to help cope with my ‘loss’ as they called it.

A sob escapes my mouth and I cry harder, wishing that the pain I feel would just go away.

A few minutes later, two strong muscular arms envelope me. I don’t need to look up to know it’s him, his apple and mint smell give him away. I should push him away but right now I just don’t have it in me. I want to feel safe. I crave security in any way I can get it, even if it’s temporary.

“Sssh” his voice soothes me, “its ok beautiful girl.” His hand moves up and down my back. Somehow, amongst all the other messed up things I’m feeling right now, having him here with his arms wrapped around me protectively and his scent surrounding me, I feel calmer.

I clutch his shirt, grabbing it with my fists and I let go. I cry for the baby I didn’t have the chance to love and then lost. I cry for everything I left behind and I cry for the girl I used to be.

When my body can’t take anymore I drift off, cocooned in Grayson’s arms.

I forget about how this will complicate things. I forget about how I’ve allowed myself to trust him at my most vulnerable moment and I forget about how wrong this should feel.

I allow how right it feels to be here eclipse how much I’m hurting and how broken I feel.