Begin Again (Beautiful 2)

“Jeff!” My glass barely made it onto the coffee table next to the sofa before I threw myself into his arms. He caught my body and I felt his broad, muscular chest rumble beneath me. I inhaled his cologne and savored the scent that had come to represent safety and comfort.

“Hey Red.” The deep, rich timbre of his voice met my ears and I hugged him tighter. I smiled at the mention of his term of endearment attributed to my long fiery red hair. He’d been calling me ‘Red’ for a while and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered against his neck.

“I’ve missed you too.”

I slid out of Jeff’s arms and looked up into his green eyes. They were warm and welcoming and familiar. His dark brown hair was shorter than the last time I’d seen him but it still hung in his eyes. His features reminded me of Grayson, except they were sharper and more defined. He smiled, making his eyes crinkle at the sides, and all my troubled thoughts and feelings vanished.

“When did you get here?” I asked, unable to fight the grin on my face.

“About twenty minutes ago,” he replied. “I wanted to come see you first.”

“I’m glad you did.” I hugged him again, and felt my heart jump into my throat. Something was different about this. The butterflies taking flight in my belly were a testament to that.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I pulled Jeff further into my living room. “Can I get you a beer?” I offered, knowing he’d probably need a cold one after his flight.

“That sounds great,” he replied, following me into the kitchen. I grabbed a beer and turned around just in time to see Coco fall at Jeff’s feet and roll on to her back.

“When did you get the pup?” Jeff asked, amused. He bent down and started scratching her fuzzy belly and let out a laugh when her leg started twitching.

“Two months ago,” I replied. “She keeps me company.”

Jeff stood and Coco waddled over to her dog bed in the living room. When I passed Jeff his beer, his eyes were watching me carefully. He took my hand and led me outside onto the deck. He knew my house like the back of his hand and he was one of two people who had a spare key. I trusted him that much. He sat down on one of the loungers and pulled me between his legs, settling my back to his front. The position was very intimate but I found myself relaxing into Jeff’s body like I belonged there. It was a gorgeous summer night and the stars above us created a very romantic backdrop. It wasn’t the first time I wondered what it would be like to be more than just friends with Jeff but I knew it would still be a while before I even considered it. I just wasn’t ready.

“I can hear you thinking from here, Red,” Jeff murmured in my ear. “You want to fill me in on everything I’ve missed since I last saw you?”

“You know everything already,” I replied, smiling. “We talk on the phone all the time.”

Jeff took a sip of his beer, and I turned my head to look up at him. His throat worked as he swallowed and I had a difficult time not biting my lip. “Our last call was three days ago,” he said. “What’s happened since then?”

I laughed and turned my head, resting it on his chest. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Tell me everything.”

I shook my head with a laugh, incredulous. “We had Huntley’s final dress fitting today, and she had a new dress made for me.”

“Remind me to thank her,” he said around the rim of his beer. “Apart from the bride, I’m going to have the most beautiful girl on my arm for sure.”

I swallowed hard and my face warmed from his compliment. It wasn’t the first time he’d said I’m beautiful but like the atmosphere between us, something about it felt different. The butterflies in my belly flapped gently and excitement settled in my bones. I realized that what I was feeling for the first time in months was alive.

I shifted and turned my body to face Jeff. His eyes met mine and the silence stretched out between us. We weren’t talking but our eyes communicated everything we were too afraid to say.

“I’m really glad I’m going to have you there with me,” I said quietly, looking down at my lap. My admission came without thought and it made me more vulnerable in front of Jeff than I had ever been. But I wasn’t scared. I wanted him to know that he meant something to me, even if I wasn’t entirely sure about what that was exactly. He tipped my face up with his index finger and gave me the trademark Carter lopsided grin.

“Me too.” His voice was deceptively soft and I fought the urge to shiver. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s not true. You’ll be back in Chicago soon.”

Was I disappointed that he’d be leaving in a few days? Did I want him to stay? Or did I want him to stay with me?

Jeff cleared his throat. “Actually…” he paused, “I was thinking of moving back home in a few months.”

“What? Why? You love your job and you love Chicago! Why would you come back?” As much as I wanted him to say I was his reason for coming home, because I was that selfish, it scared me. I took a deep breath and quieted the voices screaming in my head while Jeff struggled with the ones screaming in his.

“I loved it,” he said. “But something’s missing and I think it’s time to come home.”

I heard the loneliness in every word that left his mouth and more importantly, I understood it. I felt it too, lived with it every day. I’d even learned to accept it because really, what other option did I have?

“I know what you mean.” I looked down, unable to keep looking into Jeff’s green eyes. There was a long pause

“Have you seen him yet?”

Jeff’s question caught me off guard and I frowned, not liking the way I knew this conversation was headed. “No but I have a feeling it won’t be much longer. I know he’s here.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

I bristled. This conversation was getting really old and I was getting tired of trying to convince everyone that I was going to be just fine. The problem was I couldn’t tell if I was trying to convince them or myself. “The last time was when I flew to Chicago to tell him about…” I trailed off, unable to get the words out of my clogged throat. Jeff cupped my cheek and like so many other times before, his touch comforted me, brought my troubled heart some form of peace and assurance that everything would be okay.

“You’re the strongest person I know,” he murmured. “Brody has no idea what he lost when he left you here.”

“You think too much of me, Jeff.” I was unworthy of this man and he didn’t even know it. His body moved closer and when I looked up, our faces were merely inches apart. I waited for my heart to race and thump wildly in my chest. It never happened and I tried to reason that it didn’t matter. But I was lying. I wanted someone who could get my pulse running wild like…

“I think you’re beautiful and kind, and stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he inched closer and my breath hitched, “and I think I want to kiss you.”

My heart stopped and my brain switched off. It had been so long since I experienced the feel of a mans lips on mine.