Begin Again (Beautiful 2)

“I love you. Always.”

I sipped my whiskey and closed my eyes to savor the burn as it traveled down my throat. I was brooding, replaying the night before in my mind over and over again until I’d convinced myself it really happened. My night had not ended well and the darkness I felt lurking inside me hadn’t left. Sienna was angry as all hell when I arrived back at the hotel, but I’d ignored her and decided I’d rather sit in the bar until dawn than deal with her hissy fit.

“Hey man.” Grayson greeted me and took a seat at my side. We were sitting inside Aunt Emma’s bakery, which had been elegantly decorated for Huntley and Grayson’s rehearsal dinner. The lighting was dimmed and waiters walked around offering appetizers until the main course was ready to be served. It was a small space, but with the open windows that overlooked the street and the romantic decor and lighting, it was perfect and so Huntley and Grayson.

“Hey,” I replied, looking into the bottom of my whiskey tumbler. If I looked at Grayson he’d just ask too many questions and I was in no frame of mind to answer them. I was still trying to put it all in perspective and it wasn’t going well.

“What happened to your hand?” Grayson asked, eyeing the bandage.

“Got hurt,” I replied. “It’s nothing.” I wasn’t about to tell him that I’d punched my trucks’ window in or why. The thought crossed my mind that Grayson might’ve known about Demi’s pregnancy, but I didn’t think he’d keep something like that from me. Grayson started saying something but it fell on deaf ears as the object of my wayward thoughts walked in through the door. Demi was wearing a one-sleeved emerald cocktail dress that looked stunning against her creamy skin. She wore her favorite black peep toe wedge heels and they made her legs go on for miles. Her beautiful red hair was pinned to one side, luscious curls hanging over her shoulder and covering her breast. She was every single one of my wet dreams come to life and seeing her felt like a stab to the lungs – excruciatingly painful.

“What’s up with you tonight?” Grayson asked.

“Nothing,” I grumbled, my eyes never leaving Demi. Grayson followed my gaze. “Man, you two need to stop dancing around each other and get your shit together,” he said quietly. I could hear the exasperation in his voice.

“It’s not that simple,” I replied.

“Because of Sienna?” No. Because the woman I’m in love with, and have always been in love with, is pregnant with your brother’s child. The words got caught in my throat so I just shook my head in response. As devastated as I was, I couldn’t tell Grayson anything. I had no idea if anyone else knew but it wasn’t my news to share. But it could’ve been, my inner voice taunted truthfully.

“It just is,” I said quietly. I watched as Demi greeted Huntley and her family, and then moved on to Grayson’s family. I froze when she hugged Jeff, searching for any sign that he knew, but came up empty when their embrace was a little too cold for a couple who was expecting. Unless he had no idea.

I groaned, feeling more and more infuriated with the mess I’d found myself in.

“Look, I’m here if you need to talk,” Grayson said, patting my back. “I hate seeing you like this.”

Shame filled my body and it took a lot not to hang my head. My best friend was celebrating his upcoming wedding and I was acting like a complete jerk. This wasn’t about me and yet I was making about me.

“I’m sorry, Gray. It’s been a rough few days. I’ll pull my head out of my ass long enough to celebrate with you tonight.”

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I know, Brody. We’ve had more drama in three days than on a soap opera. It’s ridiculous,” he paused, “which is why I need to ask you something.” He looked up and grinned like the lovesick fool he was when he found Huntley dancing in the middle of the room with Hunter on her hip. She too looked stunning, and I couldn’t have chosen a better person for Grayson to share his life with.

“Shoot.”

He hesitated for a second and looked up at me. “Why are you with Sienna?”

His question didn’t surprise me, but I decided that of all the people in my life, he deserved the truth, especially since I’d been behaving like a total douchebag.

“Honestly? I don’t know. In the beginning it was a way for me to get my mind off things. I tried to keep it casual, but the next thing I knew I was being dragged to dinners with Sienna’s father. I should’ve known getting into bed with my boss’s daughter was the worst idea ever.”

“It’s none of my business, but she’s not the right woman for you.”

“Oh yeah? Then who is?” I asked somewhat playfully. He turned his head and motioned towards Demi. She was dancing with Jeff on the makeshift dance floor and when she threw her head back in laughter, a sickening knot formed in my stomach from knowing that I should have been the one holding her, making her laugh.

“Things are a mess between you two,” Grayson added, his tone sad, “but I think you need to talk. There are a lot of things that were left unsaid after you were gone and Demi went through a really rough time - ”

“What do you mean?” I interrupted, “I thought she got over it?”

Grayson frowned and he almost looked angry. “Who told you that?”

I shrugged. “I just sort of assumed, since I hadn’t heard from her again.”

“You have it all wrong, man, and I’m so tempted to tell you everything but I can’t. I won’t get in the middle of this again. I will, however, say this, if you truly believe you and Demi can’t fix this mess you’ve made, then get on that plane in two days and don’t look back. Leave her behind. But if you think there’s a chance, no matter how small, that you’d be willing to lay it all out there again, just to be with her, then put all the other bullshit aside and begin again. Start over.”

I thought about the sonogram picture I’d found and the reality of it all hit me harder than a six ton wrecking ball. Even if I wanted to try fix my relationship with Demi, it was obvious she’d moved on. It was a realization that I had to make peace with, no matter how hard or how shattering it was.

“It’s a little more complicated than that. It’s out of my control now, and that’s something I have to deal with.”

“Your choice,” Grayson said, “but for the record, I think you’re making a mistake.”

He stood up and left me alone with my self-deprecating thoughts. I wanted nothing more than to leave but I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, do that to Huntley and Grayson.

I stood up and walked towards the restrooms. I needed to freshen up a little and pull my shit together long enough to get through tonight and tomorrow, then I’d be on a plane out of here and never look back. It was time for me to move on, something I thought I’d already done, but after the past few days I’d realized that all I’d managed to do was bury it all deep enough so that it wouldn’t see the light of day. As I passed the lady’s restroom, I overheard voices. It sounded like Huntley and Demi. I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to keep walking, but my feet had other ideas. Against my better judgment, I leaned in closer to the door that sat slightly ajar and listened.