The Dating Lesson

I get up and leave while everyone is distracted. Brenna tries to get me to stay, though I don’t know why since she was just throwing daggers at me with her pointed gaze.

“Kimmy, wait,” she says. She tries to apologize, but I don’t want to hear it. I just need to get out of here.

“Save it, Brenna. I know you’ve had a shit day, but you had no right to do that to me. I told you I’d come by for a drink, I had my drink, with a side of humiliation thanks to you, and now I’m done. Done with this bar. Done with you.” I turn around and leave her there before she has a second to react.

I go back to my dorm room to pack my bags. I throw my duffels on the bed and grab everything of mine I can find, haphazardly throwing my things inside. Books with shoes with cosmetics. I move quickly, so eager to leave this room and leave Brenna behind. I have no intentions of coming back to this room or ever talking to Brenna again.

When I don’t show up for our date, Leo starts to text me.

I don’t have the guts to tell him what happened tonight and that his career might be compromised because of me. I don’t want him to be side-swiped by the information, though. I can only imagine how devastating it would be to be blindsided. I have to at least warn him. It would be horrible of me not to, so I send him a quick text message letting him know that Brenna told people about us. Then I shove my phone in my purse because I’m afraid of his response. As immature as it is, I’m not prepared to handle the devastating outcome of all of this.

I should never have allowed this affair to happen. There was too much at risk. I’m so stupid.

I haul my bags down stairs and pile them into my little Toyota SUV.

I had been so excited to spend my end of semester break with Leo, but now the idea of going back and dealing with everything, it’s all too stressful. I just want to go home and hide. Figure out my next move without having to see Brenna or any other students’ suspicious eyes on me on campus.

As I drive, Leo continues to blow up my phone with texts and then calls. I turn off my phone and toss it into the backseat for the duration of the drive to my mom’s house. It’s a two-hour drive. I stop for gas and snacks. I’m going to eat my feelings with Cheetos and Sour Patch Kids just as Brenna did.

By the time I get home, it’s late. My mom turns on the porch light when she hears my car pull into the driveway. She comes out in her robe and slippers to greet me. Her hair is still neat and her makeup is still on, so I know she hasn’t been sleeping. She’s hardly slept through the night since my brother and father went to jail.

I get out of the car and instantly feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. “What’s wrong, Kimmy? I thought you were spending your break on campus.”

We sit on the patio swing and I start to cry. I tell her everything. I spill my guts about Leo and how I think I might be in love with him even though I know what we’re doing is wrong and could get both of us into a lot of trouble. I tell her how I feel like I’ve let her down, let dad and my brother down too. There is no end to my self pity and remorse.

“Can I get a word in here, Kimmy?” she says, cutting me off. “I may not be the aspiring lawyer, but I do know a thing or two. You’ve made some mistakes, that’s for sure, but what you’re doing with Leo isn’t wrong. You’re both adults.” She shrugs and says, “Look, I’m not saying it’s exactly smart, but it’s definitely not wrong.”

I laugh because I know she’s just trying to cheer me up. And she’s right. We are both adults and have the right to be together, but there are rules and we are breaking them. I hate that those rules are in place, and I get why they are, but I know Leo would never play favorites. If I wasn’t doing well in his class, he wouldn’t give me a good grade. He’s not like that. If he was, he would’ve failed Jaime.

“If you love him and you want to be with him, there are other schools you can attend. With your academic record, any one of them would be happy to have you.”

My stomach sinks. “But I’ve worked so hard to get into this school. This was the dream.” Long before I ever attended the university, I was watching their footballs games on TV even though I hate sports, and I was wearing their sweatshirts and had their school flags pinned up on my wall. This was the dream—the only dream—the school I always wanted to go to, so when I got in, there was never any other option for me.