Get off on the Pain (Pain 1)

The pain and betrayal in his eyes hurt, but not more than the thought of losing Memphis did. The truth is my father won’t see the outside of a jail cell for a very long time, at least not before his eightieth birthday. Apparently they’ve been watching him here for a long time, building information against him, and this was the call they needed to book him. I don’t like knowing I have family behind bars, but I did what I had to do to save so many others. Sometimes you have no choice but to turn on someone that shares your bloodline. More lives were saved than the one lost. He was never going to stop.

Memphis made me realize that. He opened my eyes, and having to choose between them was easier than I thought, a lot easier. Even though that means I’ll most likely never see my father again. He wasn’t much of a father anyways.

It’s five p.m. on a Saturday night here at the tattoo shop. Alex started a few days ago and Styles couldn’t be happier with his work. Aside from Memphis being in jail, everything else seems to be falling into place. Trevor even stopped in the shop this morning to apologize. Alex kept a close eye on him the whole time, making sure he kept his distance, which he did. He seemed very genuine and it made it easy to see why he and Memphis were so close in the past. I’m glad Alex was at least here for that moment, otherwise, I may not have given him the chance to talk. I don’t know what I would do without those two boys. Alex and Memphis have the biggest hearts I know and I’m happy to have them both in my life.

The only thing that makes me nervous about Memphis getting out is him wanting to leave. The thought of him moving makes my heart ache, but I need to let him do what it takes to for him to be happy. He deserves it just as much or more than anyone else does.

I’m sitting in my room working on a drawing of my mother when Alex pokes his head inside and smiles.

“Hey, pretty lady.”

I smile up at him and push away from my desk. “What’s up, Alex? Is my next client here? You can send them in.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not sure if he’s a client, but there’s this pretty decent looking guy asking for you.”

I tilt my head to the side and try to see if Alex is messing with me. I have no idea who it could be besides Liam, but he never comes to the shop.

Pushing my drawing aside, I jump to my feet and stretch while walking toward the door. “I have no idea who would be . . .”

I stop dead in my tracks and place my hand over my mouth when I see Memphis standing next to the front desk, looking sexier than ever in his leather jacket and a pair of old faded jeans.

He smiles when he sees me and motions with his head for me to come to him.

I can’t help the excitement that surges through me as I rush over to him and jump into his arms.

His hands tangle in my hair and his lips kiss my head, face, and then finally my lips.

“What are you doing here?” I press my lips against his again before pulling away and looking him over. Most of his cuts and bruises are healed and he looks as if he did a lot of working out over the last two weeks. “I thought you weren’t getting out for another week?”

A small smile spreads across his face before he pulls my chin up so that our eyes meet. “Ryder called in a favor with his dad. Never thought that shit would happen, but I guess he sort of owes me.”

He looks me up and down before rubbing his thumb under my chin. “I got out a few days ago but I needed time to think.”

I feel my stomach sink. It’s coming. He’s going to tell me that he’s leaving. “Yeah,” I whisper.

“I got a letter.” He pulls an envelope from out of his jacket pocket and squeezes it in his hand. “It was from my mother.”

I follow him as he walks toward the door and holds it open for me to walk out first. He takes off his leather jacket and drapes it over my shoulders. “She told me about how proud she was of me. Told me how much she loved me and that Alex was lucky to have a brother like me in his life.” He stops to take a breath before continuing. “She said that she wished she’d had the courage that I did to put a stop to my father hurting us. That she wishes she had the strength to protect us.”

He looks away for a second, trying to collect his emotions. I see his jaw clench before he turns back to look at me. “She told me to never change and to promise her that I will always keep the ones that I love warm. To be strong and to find the courage I’ve had all along.”

I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I want nothing more right now than to be close to him. “Here, explaining it doesn’t do it justice. Read it for yourself.”

He hands me the folded piece of paper and I open it, staring at the beautiful handwriting before me. I haven’t even started and already I feel the emotions rolling off the page as she placed that pen to the paper so many years ago. My eyes start to scan at the first line.

My Memphis,

If you're reading this I'm long gone and you've recently come home, to the only place that you belong. Don't be mad at Jack for waiting to give you this letter. He was under very distinct orders. I know you so don't roll your eyes as if what I'm saying is crazy. You're my first-born and my strongest. You're also the most passionate between the two. If you never listen to anything else I say, listen to this. What happened that night was not your fault. Anyone in your situation would have made the same exact decision. Seeing you that night showed me that you and Alex would be just fine without me, because I know you would do anything to protect him. I am more proud of you now than I ever have been before. My only regret is that it had to be you that did it instead of me. I should have protected the two of you more, and for that know that I'm sorry. Sometimes even mothers fail their children, no matter how much we seem to have it together. I want you to know how very much I love you and your brother. Take care of each other, because family is all you have. My precious boy, you have a fire inside of you that most don't. Use it to keep the ones you love warm, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. I know that for a while you are going to feel unworthy of being loved, but Son that is so far from the truth. One day you are going to meet a wonderful woman that believes in you, and sees exactly what I have always seen in you. You will need her, just as you have needed me all of these years. Let her love you, Memphis, and love her in return with everything in you. When you feel like I'm gone just speak out loud. I'll hear you. Even though I didn't get to tell you goodbye, know that I did . . . from my heart to yours.