Kiss Me (Fool's Gold 17)

The old woman patted Zane’s shoulder. “Seems to me you’re the kind of man who’ll get it right more often than not.”

With that she rose and dusted off her fringed leather chaps. “It’s late. Sleep well, Zane.”

When Gladys was gone, Zane stretched out his legs and stared up at the sky. There were more stars up there than any man could count. More possibilities. On those nights when he’d been a kid and couldn’t sleep, he would go outside and study the constellations. Sometimes he would imagine that he could leave earth and go live up there. Things would be different then. Better.

He hadn’t thought of his father in years, yet suddenly the old man seemed to be back in his life. He’d never softened, not even at the end when he lay dying.

“I want to go,” he’d whispered with his last breath. “I want to be with her.”

Not “I’ll miss you, son.” Not even goodbye. Just a wish to be gone.

Zane told himself it didn’t matter. He was grown, and the past couldn’t touch him. For the most part he believed that, but what he didn’t know for sure was how the past influenced the present. He was so concerned about keeping Chase from making mistakes, yet had he once thought about the fact that he might be treating his brother the same way his father treated him?

* * *

PHOEBE WATCHED AS the sun slowly rose over the trees in the distance. It was cool, clear and intensely quiet. Maybe it was like that in LA before dawn, but as she’d always done her best to never be awake that early, she couldn’t be sure. Still there was something to be said for greeting the sun.

“You probably do this all the time,” she said aloud. “Wake up before the sun. I’ll bet you’ve seen a bunch of beautiful sunrises.”

Manny, intent on his breakfast, didn’t give her much more than an ear flicker in response.

Undeterred, Phoebe leaned forward to scratch behind one of those ears. “I didn’t think I would like the outdoors at all,” she told him. “Too much back to nature. But it’s growing on me. I don’t think I’ll ever prefer a tent and an air mattress to a real house and bed, but I understand the appeal of a couple of nights in the wilderness.”

She refused to admit how much of that appeal related to her encounters with Zane. Last night she’d almost been disappointed that she hadn’t had to make a midnight potty run. She supposed she could have faked it, in the hopes of seeing him, but somehow that had seemed tacky. Instead she’d lain awake in her tent and listened to the sounds of night, all the while wondering if Zane was thinking about her as much as she was thinking about him.

“It’s not just that he’s good-looking,” she said. “Okay, some of it is that. I mean, have you seen his body?”

Manny raised his head. His big, brown eyes seemed to roll slightly in his head. She grinned.

“I know. He’s a guy, you’re a guy. You don’t have to admit that he’s hot, but he is. You’re going to have to trust me on that. But it’s more than that. He’s also really nice. I like how dependable he is and how he’s the kind of man who will always be there for his family. He’s smart, too. He has a lot of responsibility, but that doesn’t seem to bother him.”

Thinking about responsibility made her remember hers. All her clients who were having to get by without her. April had promised to handle her houses in escrow. While Phoebe trusted her boss to do the work, she knew April’s heart wouldn’t be into it. A lot of agents had trouble getting excited about relatively low-priced starter homes when there were multimillion-dollar estates in the neighborhood.

“She doesn’t get it,” Phoebe told the steer. “April thinks I should concentrate on what will make me the most money. I know that’s important, but so is helping people find their first home. They’re usually terrified and excited. Then they find out the house is theirs.” She sighed. “There’s no feeling like that. Not for them or for me. Because I know I was a part of making it happen.”

She pulled her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose my license. I love what I do. I’m not a great salesperson, but I genuinely care, and I believe that makes a difference. My clients need me.”

And being needed was the best part of her day.

“I don’t want to think about it,” she whispered to the steer. “But I have to. I’ll have to find a whole new career.”

Doing what? She really didn’t have any other training. It wasn’t the sales she loved, it was the people. So her experience in real estate wasn’t exactly going to translate into selling cars or clothes.

At least her expenses weren’t all that high. She had some savings to tide her over until she found some other line of work. It wasn’t as if she had to worry about a house payment.

“Zane was surprised when I told him I didn’t own a house,” she said. “Being in real estate and all, I guess it makes sense I would have one. I mean, I would be the first to spot a good deal, right? Only I never bothered.”

She glanced around to make sure she and Manny were still alone. “Sometimes I don’t think I deserve a house. Isn’t that crazy? Like I’m not worthy.”

She’d sort of hoped saying the words out loud would make her feel foolish, and she would instantly see that she’d been playing a silly game with herself. Instead she was struck by the thought that she’d never felt worthy. That was the reason she was always rescuing the world. She was trying to earn her way into heaven. Barring that, she was trying to earn her way into happiness.