Only Her

I shake my head at my barbaric thoughts already knowing I’m so fucked.

I’m so fucked.6Kennedy“I’m going to miss this.” I turn my head to look at Kinley, who is in bed with me. All our lives she’s been sneaking in to sleep with me. Now that we’re older, we don’t have to hide it. That doesn’t mean that we don’t get comments from Mom. She never misses an opportunity to get a dig in.

“Me too,” I agree. I go back to looking up at the canopy. My life is really going to change soon. In less than a week I’ll be married and moving in with a man I hardly know. Plus all the other things that go along with being someone's wife. I have no clue what those things are, but I’m sure in time I’ll figure them out. I expect my stomach to turn at the idea of moving in with a stranger, but it flutters instead.

“He seems cool.” Kinley rolls onto her side, propping her head up on her hand. “I think he might let us have random sleepovers. He might even give me a key.” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“You’re already pushing it.” I laugh, having no doubt she will in fact ask him for a key. I wish I could be a little bit more like Kinley. Not only does she say what she wants, but she can always make me laugh. “Besides. I have a feeling my husband is going to be MIA a lot, so you can crash whenever.”

She lets out a long sigh. “Already having marital problems,” she teases as she sits up on the bed. “You think he’s going to be like Dad?”

I shrug. It’s what I’m used to seeing. Especially in these groups. Their main concern is always work. Everything else takes a back seat to it. That thought sours my mood.

“If you mean that he’ll be working all the time and have mistresses, yes, I think it is highly likely he’ll be the same as Dad.” I don’t want to kid myself. I’m going into this with my eyes wide open. It’s the safest way for me. It will help me to not get hurt. In time maybe Gerrit and I can even be friends. He was awfully charming the few times I met him. I don’t think sex will be hard either. Not with how he kisses me. I didn't know a kiss could be that intense. I guess that's the difference between kissing a man and kissing a boy.

“I’ll punch him in the nuts.” Kinley pulls her cell phone out.

“I think he would be discreet. If he’s looking for a wife for show then he cares about appearances.” Our mom is the same way, always worried about what people might think.

“In all of his pictures he’s either alone, with his mom, or sister.

Then again, Gerrit can flip a switch going from sweet and charming to a predator ready to pounce at any time. I’m guessing you have to stay on his good side.

I wonder if I’ll have to walk on eggshells once I’m married, knowing at any minute my husband could whip out that tone of his that has everyone snapping to attention. Mom is a pro at cutting us down with a few choice words.

My phone buzzes with a text from Gerrit’s mom. It’s a picture of a handsome older gentleman holding up a dress. He looks almost identical to Gerrit, and I know instantly that it’s his father. A second later another text comes. This one is of a pair of heels.

Evelyn: Do you think these go together?

She’s asking my opinion. It makes me smile. My mom has never done that in my whole life.

“She’s a doll,” Kinley says, sneaking a peek at my phone. “At least you know you won’t have a monster-in-law.”

“It's the small things,” I joke before I text her back telling her it’s perfect. She’s still on the fence and asks if I’m not too busy if we could go look at shoes.

Me: I’d love to. I still haven't gotten mine for the wedding yet.

“I think she is using this as an excuse to get to know you.”

“Is that a bad thing?” It warms my heart that she’s making an effort to get to know me. It also makes me sad that I’m lying to her in a sense.

“No.” She shakes her head. “It’s clear she loves her sons. She wouldn't stop going on about Gerrit’s brother Luke. I think I know his entire life story.”

“Sounds like she’s trying to play matchmaker.”

“Oh crap. Are we going to talk about your man putting Mom in her place? I have to admit that it was marvelous.” It was. It had me falling a little more for him. The fact that he stood up for me warmed my heart. Or maybe he really hates tardiness. Either way, it was nice to watch my mom stand there in shock. For her to be the one that was nervous and scrambling for her words. I know I shouldn’t have, but I’d taken pleasure in her discomfort.