Every Sweet Regret (Orchid Valley 2)

“No shit,” I mutter, jaw tight. “Who is he?”

“What?”

“The guy who was just giving my wife a ride.” I look at her now, needing to meet her eyes, even though I know my anger and this feeling of betrayal in my gut are equally irrational. Her eyes are wide. “Who. The fuck. Is he?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shakes her head and looks away for five aching thumps of my heart. When she turns back to me, her face is hard, her expression pained. “Kace, I’m not your wife. And I haven’t hidden the fact that I’ve moved on—emotionally and physically.” She swallows. “I wish you would too.”

I look out my window toward the house. The asshole’s still in there. Is it serious? Will he want to marry Amy? Will Hope call him Daddy? Fuck. “Hope left her share-day toy on the table. I was here to take it in for you, but it looks like you’re available and can do it yourself.”

Amy’s eyes fill with tears. “Don’t act like I just cheated on you. That’s not fair.”

“I know.” I turn the key in the ignition, and the engine roars to life. “That’s why I need to get out of here.”* * *At the end of the day, I collapse into bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m exhausted but wide awake. I’m pissed at Amy for bringing her boyfriend—or whatever—into the house where my daughter spends half her nights, and I’m even more pissed at myself for caring. I knew she’d been dating, figured she’d had sex since she moved out. But there’s a big difference between knowing and seeing it.

I pull my phone from my pocket and open Random. Maybe Itsy’s around. A chat with her might clear my mind.

GoodHands69: I walked in on my ex-wife fucking someone else today.I send it before rereading the words, then flinch when I realize I can’t take it back. I close my eyes and drop my phone to the mattress. I am officially the clichéd divorced guy who obsesses over his ex’s new life. I don’t want to be like this, but I need to talk about it.

Abbi would rant and rave and get in a huff about how I should’ve fought for primary custody, and I’d end up having to defend Amy. I could call Dean, and he’d listen and make all the right sympathetic noises, but he thinks I should’ve moved on by now. He’s second only to Amy in how much he’s been pushing me to “get back out there” and “leave the past in the past.” But I don’t want to resent him for trying to be a good friend and tell me to get the fuck over it. So here I am, confiding in my match on a hookup app.

When my phone buzzes, I’m almost afraid to look at it. What’s she going to think of the fact that I still care about Amy sleeping with someone else?

I make myself look.

ItsyBitsy123: I am so sorry. Did you immediately start drinking? I think I would have.A weight lifts from my shoulders as I read and reread the message. God, I needed this.

GoodHands69: Thank you for not judging me. I know I shouldn’t care, and I’m trying not to, but it turns out that’s way easier on an intellectual level. Actually seeing her with someone else? Well, I could’ve happily died without that.

ItsyBitsy123: No shit. She was your WIFE.

GoodHands69: Exactly. It’s like I need to do a factory reset on my brain.

ItsyBitsy123: Are you okay? Want to meet up for a drink or something? I’d be drinking the shit out of my feelings right now if I were you.I hold my breath as I consider this. Hope is already in bed, and I could get Abbi to come over to babysit. She’s always offering.

I try to imagine what it’d be like to meet up with Itsy. I’d get to see what she looks like, see if there’s any spark between us in person. I have to admit I’m curious, but I can’t start a physical relationship with this girl while I’m still messing around with Stella. I don’t have it in me.

GoodHands69: Do you mind if I take a rain check? I’m not in the right headspace for a meetup tonight, and not big on drinking my feelings to begin with.

ItsyBitsy123: That’s very mature of you.

GoodHands69: Nice of you to say. Everyone else in my life seems to think I’m reacting to my divorce like a heartbroken teenager.

ItsyBitsy123: I think you’re reacting like a man who loved his wife with everything he had. Maybe she didn’t deserve that love, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t feel it.I shake my head. As good as it feels to talk to someone who assumes I’m the good guy, I can’t do that to Amy.