Scarred (Scarred 1)

This beautiful, wonderful woman was interested in me. I could see it in her eyes. You didn’t get to be as popular as I was without knowing when a girl was interested in you. She was different and she was innocent and I wanted to get to know her better. I didn’t want to ruin that chance by telling her. I knew I was being selfish and it made me cringe inside. I didn’t want to be that selfish person anymore, but I knew that she was the only person I could talk to. She was the only person I had ever met who really seemed to listen and care about what I had to say. Her eyes didn’t glaze over like she was bored. She seemed to really care.

I’d never felt like a girl really got me and cared before. I didn’t want to lose that. Not now. Not when everything else in my life was so bad. I was going to tell her. I promised myself that. I was going to tell her eventually. I just needed to find the right time. I just needed to find the right words to say what I needed to say.

As we kissed, I felt her pressed against me and my hands worked up her back. I wanted to slip my hands under her shirt and pull of her bra. I wanted to feel her br**sts in my hands. It had been so long since I had been with a woman. So long since I had had this primal urge to be intimate. But I held back. I didn’t want to scare her. Not after everything that had happened. I felt her hands in my hair, pulling me closer towards her. Crushing me closer and I pulled her down to the ground with me.

We lay on the grass, kissing, and then she rolled over on top of me. I groaned as she straddled me and I felt all my nerve endings coming alive. I wanted her. I wanted her with a passion. And I knew that now was not the time. Not like this and not now. I pushed her off of me and pulled back from her embrace and I sighed at the sad look in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, hurt, and I leaned over to kiss her on the nose. It was so pert and cute. Almost like a button nose.

“Don’t be sorry, Lexi.” I grinned. “That was amazing. Possibly the best kiss I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah, right.” She rolled her eyes, but I could see the shy smile on her face.

“I’m being truly sincere.” I smiled at her and traced my finger along her lips. “You tasted as sweet as candy, how can it not have been my best kiss ever?”

“You’re nice to say that.”

“I’m not nice,” I laughed as I felt my tightened jeans.

“You’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Really?” I looked at her with a smile. “Not the nicest? Just one of them?”

She laughed at me and I leaned over and kissed her again, pulling away before it got too heavy and heated again.

“Well, my best friend Luke is probably the nicest guy I’ve ever met in my life, but you are a very close second.”

“Luke Bryan?” I frowned trying to think of all of the Lukes I knew.

“You know him?” she asked me, surprised.

“Who doesn’t know him?” I laughed. “He was one of the most sought after guys in high school: hot and smart, every girl talked about him.”

“Really?” She looked at me in shock. “I thought no one paid any attention to us in high school.”

“Really?” I laughed at her. “Luke Bryan was most probably the most popular guy in high school, after me.”

“Luke Bryan, the nerd?” She cocked her head. “The guy who was always in the books?”

“The hot guy with black hair and green eyes, that girls called a sex God?” I laughed.

“They called him a sex God?”

“Yup,” I laughed and let out a breath. “I’m happy to hear that you don’t see him as a sex God.”

“You are?” She looked at me with wide eyes.

“Yes I am.”

“Why?” She looked confused.

“Less competition for me.” I said slowly and I saw her eyes change to an excited look as she got what I was saying. I felt a surge of adrenaline running through me. I was right, she did like me.

“Oh, Luke and I are just friends,” she laughed. “We’ve never been interested in each other like that.”

“That’s good.” I leaned over and kissed her again. This time I let my hand run over her right breast, slowly, waiting to see if she was going to brush it away. When she didn’t, I cupped her breast and smiled at her sharp intake of breath. It seemed to me that Lexi wasn’t very experienced and I was surprised. “You’re twenty-two?” I pulled back and she groaned as my lips left hers.

“Yes, why?”

“You don’t seem very experienced.” I spoke matter-of-factly, hoping not to embarrass her.

“I’m not.” I had a feeling she was blushing as she spoke.

“Are you a virgin?” I asked quickly, not sure why I felt it was my business to ask, but something made me ask.

“Yes.” She nodded and bit her lip. “Are you?”

I laughed uncontrollably then. I wasn’t sure if she really thought there was a possibility or if she was just trying to be polite, but I thought it was hilarious.

“No.” I tried to stop my grin. “I’m far from a virgin.”

“Oh.” She looked disappointed and, for some inextricable reason, I felt bad.

“I haven’t had sex in a while though.”

“Oh yeah?” She smiled then and I knew that she was happy to hear that.

“That’s why we should perhaps slow it down a bit now. I don’t want to get to that point.”

“It’s okay.” She leaned in close to me and I gasped as she grabbed my hand and placed it on her breast. “I like it when you touch me.”

“I like touching you.” I ran my fingers across her stomach. “But if I start with the touching, I’m going to end up wanting more.”

“I don’t mind,” she whispered up to me.

“I don’t want your first time to be on the grass.” I voiced the words slowly and then internally I thought to myself, I don’t want to take your virginity until you know the truth and then you can decide whether you forgive me or not.

“I’m not scared, you know,” she whispered in my ear. “And I’m not scarred from what Eddie tried to do.”

I flinched as she said his name. “You deserve better than this.”

“Okay.” She looked disappointed and hurt again and, as I stared into her brown eyes, I felt my insides melting. Lexi had the ability to alter my mood with a look. She always had, but I had never analyzed it before.

“You know, in the dark, your eyes look greenish.” I pulled her towards me so that I could stare into her eyes. “They are so luminescent.”

“I’m not sure how brown eyes can look green in the dark,” she laughed.

“Neither am I. Maybe you’re magical.”

“I wish,” she sighed. She looked so angelic in that moment, the moonlight barely touching her face, her dark brown hair hanging around her face, shielding it, and her long lashes fluttering. I felt something in my heart move as I watched her. Lexi Lord was the sort of woman a man could fall in love with. She was the sort of woman that I could fall in love with. And that scared me. She could do better than me.

“You don’t need to wish.” My words were almost a whisper. “You’re beautiful.”

“Do you really mean that?” She looked at me, puzzled and hopeful, and I wondered what made her doubt herself. Didn’t she look in the mirror? She was gorgeous. Every girl at Jonesville High had wanted to be her—both for her natural beauty and friendship with Luke, though we had all thought they were dating. Don’t get me wrong, no one had wanted to be her in a financial sense, she was as low on the totem pole as one could get, but the girls had all envied her natural style and sense of calm. I thought it was ironic that we had all thought she and Luke were too self-confident and snobby while Lexi, at least, was as insecure as could be.

“I mean it.” I spoke slowly and softly and ran my fingers down her cheek. “Your cheek is smooth to the touch, almost like silk or satin; your lips are soft and plump and juicy and I could suck on them all day long; your eyes are expressive and kind, framed by long lashes that taunt and haunt me; your nose is cute as a button and warms me to your scent. Your long brown tresses are like spun gold, delicate, shiny and hard to come by.” I ran my fingers through her hair and I stared into her eyes. “You, Lexi Lord, are amazing.”

She leaned over then and kissed me, softly, before pulling away. I could feel her heart beating in conjunction with mine and I knew this was a special moment for both of us.

“Thank you, Bryce, I always knew you were a wonderful guy.” She breathed at me adoringly and I felt my heart skip a beat. She liked me and I liked her. It was as simple as that. Maybe I was being granted a second chance to do something right, to get someone right in my life. I didn’t want to ruin that by making her hate me. I promised myself that, if the relationship took off and went well, I would tell her.

“I am really trying my best,” I said, honestly. And then I jumped up and pulled her up with me. “But we should both go home and get some rest.”

We walked to our cars and I held her hand. It felt so right to have her close and I wondered what I could have done in my life to have been given this wonderful opportunity. She held on to me tightly and her body felt warm against mine.

I walked her to her car and I was blown away as I stared at her even more clearly. The trees weren’t preventing all of the light from the moon and so I was able to see her even more clearly. She was even more breath taking then I remembered. And I froze. Because I remembered that I had dreamt of her face almost every night when I was away. She had slipped in and out of my dreams like a pixie. It felt surreal to have her here in my arms.

“Is everything okay?” she asked me in concern, as I stood there in front of her, immobile.

“Everything is fine. Beyond fine,” I whispered. I bent over and kissed her and closed my eyes to savor the sweetness of her lips. “Get home safe and I’ll see you tomorrow,” I looked down at my watch, “I mean tonight?”

“I’ll be there.” She grinned and got into her car. I watched her as she drove away and I felt my heart ticking like a clock, perfectly and on time. I felt a sudden lightness in my step as I walked to my car. I was happy I realized. Even if the emotion was to be fleeting, it had happened. My heart was full and I was happy. I hoped that I would never ever lose this feeling.

Chapter 11

He wanted to see me at his party tomorrow. That was the only thing that played in my mind as I drove home, slowly and carefully. It didn’t seem quite real. This night wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be possible that I had kissed Bryce Evans. And that Bryce Evans had kissed me back. Me, Lexi Lord. It just didn’t seem real. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure. I touched my fingers over my slightly roughened lips and then licked them, trying to get the last taste of Bryce in my mouth, to convince myself that that moment at Harpers Creek had just happened.

Even the drive seemed surreal and, as I pulled into the driveway of my house, and stepped out of my car, I felt like I was floating on air. I literally could not feel the ground beneath my feet. I was too excited to go straight up to bed. I didn’t want to fall asleep, because I knew falling asleep meant waking up and having to deal with my mom. I knew she would want to harp on about the past with Mayor Evans and then she would cry and I would feel guilty. I just wanted to enjoy this moment. For once, I wanted to enjoy something good that had happened to me without feeling bad about it. It didn’t happen all that often.

Instead of walking into the house, I danced across the front yard, pretending to waltz, like I had seen in some old movies on TCM. I had never actually waltzed in my life. I didn’t have a father to take me to father-daughter dances and so I had never gone. However, as I waltzed across the yard by myself, I understood just how magical a moment that must be. I collapsed onto the grass and giggled with delight as I stared at the stars and once again thought about my evening with Bryce.

“Where have you been?” Luke’s voice made me jump and I nearly screamed when he touched me on the shoulder.

“Oh my gosh, Luke, do not scare me like that,” I hissed as I looked at my friend, my heart beating fast.

“Sorry, Lexi.” He frowned. “I’ve been worried about you. I’ve been waiting up for you to get home for ages.”

“Oh.” I sat up at looked at him. “Sorry.”

“So where were you?”

“Harpers Creek.” I stood up and saw the tired look on his face and felt selfish for not letting him know where I was going. I knew he would be waiting by the window to talk. He always waited when I had had a bad evening or day.

“By yourself?” He frowned, clearly upset. “Lexi, you know that—”

“—I wasn’t by myself, okay?” I touched his shoulder and smiled weakly.

“Who did you go with?” He looked a little hurt as he asked me. He was normally the only person I ever took with me to Harpers Creek.

“I didn’t go with anyone, Luke,” I sighed. “Bryce was there.”

“Bryce Evans?” His voice rose and he looked suspicious.

“Yes,” I grinned at him, unable to keep my happiness to myself. “And he kissed me.”

“He kissed you?” Luke frowned and his eyes narrowed. “What’s going on, Lexi? You barely know this guy. Why would you let him kiss you?”

“Luke, you know how much I like him. You should be happy for me.” I leaned into him and smiled. “I think he may be the one, Luke.”