Scarred (Scarred 1)

I went to Google maps and worked out the distance from the library to the post office. They were less than a mile away from each other which was awesome. I’d go to the library first and then to the post office. I felt my heart beating quickly as I thought about Miss, my anonymous letter writer. I really hoped that I would be able to convince someone to give me some information about who owned the PO Box.

I got up and sat on my bed again and reached down for my bag, pulling out a bag of letters. I took one out at random and pulled the paper from the envelope and lay back to read it. Her letters always made me smile. When I read them, I was transported to a different place.

Dear Bryce,

How are you? It’s so weird not writing to a real address. I don’t know where in the world this letter is going to. I don’t even know where in the world you are. But I guess, at the end of the day, location doesn’t matter. Just knowing you are safe and reading this letter is all that matters to me.

I was thinking about you a lot last night. My best friend L and I were watching Downton Abbey, a newish British TV show that comes on PBS. They was an episode where one of the characters got injured at war (I think it was the Boer war or WWI—I’m not really sure) and I cried. I cried because I wondered what would happen if you got injured. I wouldn’t be notified at all. I’d find out through the grapevine and only because your dad is mayor. I guess he is good for something after all!?

I hope you are keeping yourself occupied and safe. I’m sorry that I can’t Skype right now, my computer isn’t working and I don’t think it would be as romantic to talk live like it is in our letters. Honestly, I think it would be quite awkward.

Anyways, enjoy the candy I sent and the new Clive Cussler book I sent!

I hope you write back soon.

Miss

I looked at the letter and sighed. I wished that I hadn’t pushed her on the Skype thing. I had a feeling that may have been why she had stopped writing to me. I had just wanted to see her face. I wanted a face to picture when I read the letters. I wanted to know who I was slowly falling in love with. I wanted to know who the one woman in the world, aside from my mother, who I truly believed cared about me, was.

I didn’t know how to tell her that I didn’t care what she looked like, because I knew that wasn’t completely true. I knew that looks were important in a relationship, but I also knew that my heart was full of love for her. I couldn’t promise that I would love her still if we skyped, even though I was sure that I would. But it was too late to worry about her now. She’d probably moved on. But I still wanted to thank her. Still wanted her to know that she had gotten me through the cold, lonely, anguished nights.

“Bryce, dinner is ready,” my mom called up to me in a singsong voice. She was drunk, I could tell. She sounded too happy. And she was only this happy when she drank. Normally, she was a more subdued happy. I sighed as I walked out of my room, my head pounding. I was scared and worried about what was going to come next in my life. In some ways, I was more worried now than I was when I was a part of the war.

Chapter 5

“Bongo loves you.” Luke grinned at me as his dog slobbered all over my face.

“Well, of course he does.” I grinned back at Luke as he stood in front of his TV, going through his DVD’s.

“What do you want to watch?”

“I don’t know.” I lay back on his bed and pushed Bongo away from me. “A chick flick?”

“Nope.”

“A romance?”

“That’s the same as a chick flick.” Luke rolled his eyes at me.

“No, it’s not. Chick flicks are funny and always have a happy ending. Romances can be sad, funny, chilling, mysterious and—”

“—I know, I know. They don’t always have a happy ending.” Luke finished my sentence and I laughed. We had had this argument many times before. “What about a thriller?”

“Ehh,” I groaned.

“A comedy.” He paused. “With no romance.”

“What good is a comedy with no romance?”

“A documentary.”

“Hell no.”

Luke laughed and flung himself on his bed next to me. “You are soo difficult. You do know that, right?”

“No, I’m not.” I pouted at him and picked up a pillow. “And I will hit you with this pillow if you say it again.”

“Lexi Lord, you are soo difficult.”

I jumped up and hit Luke with the pillow, hard, as he spoke and he grabbed another pillow and hit me. We rolled around on the bed, hitting each other and laughing, while Bongo barked at us. Eventually, Luke grabbed the pillow out of my arms and pinned my arms down with his two strong hands. He sat on me and looked down on me, grinning. “Who’s difficult?”

“Not me,” I squealed, wriggling underneath him and trying to get away.

“Who’s difficult?” he asked again and wiggled his eyebrows as he held me down. He took one hand and started tickling me and I screamed, unable to stop myself.

“Me, me, me. Stop.” I laughed, breathlessly. He finally stopped and rolled over and I looked at him, panting. “You’re an asshole, Luke Bryan.”

“And I own up to it.” He laughed, kissed me on the nose and jumped up. “So, what shall we watch?”

“You choose,” I sighed. “It’s not like you care what I think, anyways.”

“That’s not true,” he laughed and held up a DVD. “How’s about Madea Goes To Jail?”

“What?” I twitched my nose. “Madea again?”

“It’ll be fun.”

“Uh huh.” I threw a pillow at him. “I think you’re going to end up dating an older black lady, Luke.”

“You think?” he grinned.

“Someone in her seventies,” I laughed. “Not older like Halle Berry. She’s too hot and too young.”

“What about Kerry Washington?”

“Way too young for you,” I grinned. “Plus, she has President Grant.”

“Ah, yes. I can’t compete with President Grant,” he grinned. “Actually, I missed last week’s episode of Scandal, so maybe we can watch it after Madea.”

“If I’m not asleep,” I laughed and rolled my eyes. Luke had an unhealthy obsession with all the Madea movies. I really wasn’t sure why, but he loved them and owned all of the DVD’s. I didn’t tell him that Tyler Perry had some TV shows as well, or he may never have left his house.

Luke put on the movie and came and sat next to me on the bed. He pressed play and then turned to me. “So, what’s going on with you and lover boy?”

“He’s not my lover.” I blushed because, in my dreams, Bryce Evans was a lot more than just a friend to me.

“Well, I know that.” Luke poked me and grinned at me. “Last time I checked you had never had a lover.”

“Luke,” I groaned. “Don’t remind me of my pitiful state.”

“You’re saving yourself for the right man. There’s nothing pitiful there.”

“If he ever comes along.”

“He’ll come.” Luke lay flat and stared at the ceiling. “So MIT emailed me today.”

“Oh yeah?” I lay flat on the bed next to him and stared at the ceiling as well. For some reason, I felt tension in my shoulders and nerves in my belly. “What did they say?”

“They’ll give me a full-ride, guaranteed admission to a PhD program, once I finish my bachelors, and an assistantship. Apparently, there are two professors who are dying to work with me.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be happy for my friend, and I was, but I felt more sad for myself.

“Yeah. It was overwhelming reading how badly they wanted me.” He turned towards me and I rolled over and stared into his eyes. “I never thought something like this would ever happen to me, you know.”

“I know.” I smiled at him gently and wondered at his eyelashes. How he got soo lucky to have long, black eyelashes that framed his eyes so well I didn’t know. He smiled back and me and I stared at his chipped tooth, fondly. “So, do you think you’ll go?”

“I’m not sure.” He studied my face. “I’d be leaving a lot behind.”

“Not Bongo, I hope.” I tried to lighten the mood with a joke and Bongo let out a bark, to let us know that he agreed with my words.

“I couldn’t leave my precious Bongo,” Luke smiled. “Let’s play the ten things game.”

“Okay.” I licked my lips and reached over for Luke’s hands. The ten things game was a game we had created when we were sixteen and our friendship had nearly deteriorated. I had been angry at him for something silly and told him to never call me again. He had reached over and grabbed my hands and told me ten things that he loved about me and my friendship. By the end of his monologue, I had forgiven him and we were friends again. We’d since adapted the game to fit into different circumstances and, instead of one person doing all the talking, we both told each other ten things we appreciated about the other one. No questions asked. If one of us needed a pick me up after a sad day we asked to play, or if we just wanted to let the other one know how much we cared about them.

“You start,” I smiled, as Luke laughed. I always made him start the ten things game because I always felt so self-conscious.

“One—I love the way you support me moving to Boston, even though you want me to stay.”

“Two—I love the fact that this is a hard decision for you because you appreciate my friendship so much.” I smiled at him, gently, as he looked at me in surprise. Luke thought I didn’t realize that I was the main consideration holding him back from going, but I did. I knew it was selfish to hold our friendship over him like that, but I just didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to lose him.

“Three—I love the specks of green in your warm, brown eyes.”

“Four—I love that you are growing a goatee, even though it looks ridiculous on you.”

“Lexi,” he laughed and I reached over and played with the hair on his chin. “You have to admit that it’s pitiful, Luke,” I laughed.

“Five—I love that you are honest to a T.” He grinned at me.

“Six—I love that anytime I need you, you are there for me.”

“Seven—I love that you are going to help me train Bongo.”

“Oh, no way.” I poked him in the chest.

“Please.”

“We’ll see,” I sighed, melodramatically. “Eight—I love that you adopted a dog, when you are not even a dog person.”

“Nine—I love that you know I’m not a dog person. I thought I hid it well.”

“Just don’t tell Anna, she’ll kill you,” I grinned. “Ten—I love that you are my best friend in the world and we can play the ten things game in your bed and still have sleepovers and it’s not awkward.” I stared at him seriously, then.

My words were so true. No one understood our friendship, not even Anna. She didn’t understand how we could have sleepovers that didn’t lead to sex or making out. Even Luke’s parents were skeptical at first. They thought it was weird that we shared the bed so often without dating. No one really understood our friendship, but it didn’t matter to either of us.

“Come here, you.” Luke pulled me into his arms and I went willingly. My body was exhausted. It had been a really long, emotional and exhausting day.

I pressed my head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. I closed my arms and imagined that it was Bryce holding me closely. I smelled and imagined that Luke’s sweet smell was actually Bryce’s musky oak. I wanted so very badly to be held by Bryce. I wanted him to be my lover. I wanted him to be my first. So very badly. He had looked sad when I’d seen him earlier. He didn’t look like the same confident boy he had been at Jonesville High; he looked like a tired and weary man. I wanted to kiss away the pain and stress from his face. I sighed and snuggled closer to Luke.

“Hey you.” Luke pulled away slightly. “No falling asleep. We have to see what happens to Madea.”

“Uh huh.” I yawned and laughed. “Why has Madea become the bane of my life?”

“Because you’re my best friend?” Luke laughed and pulled on my ponytail and I jumped out of bed.

“Okay, I’m changing for bed. No need to pause the movie.” I grinned as I ran out of the room to go change in the bathroom and brush my teeth. I loved Luke and our friendship, I thought, as I slipped on my tee shirt and shorts, but I sure wished I was trying on something sexy and getting ready for a night with Bryce Evans. One that wouldn’t involve a TV screen at all.

Chapter 6

Not many people visited Jonesville Library and for that I was grateful. I’d been standing outside for the last thirty minutes and hadn’t seen one person I knew. I’m sure there would have been lots of awkward questions and I’m glad I didn’t have to answer them. I was still trying to work up the courage to go in and talk to Lexi Lord. I didn’t even know if she was working there today; I may have been wasting my time. But I still felt nervous and uneasy.

This wasn’t going to be as effortless as I thought.

As the town hall clock chimed midday, I knew that that was my sign. I had to go in. I couldn’t just stand around waiting to build up the courage. I knew that that wouldn’t be coming any time soon. I walked into the library and was surprised at how spacious and bright it was. I had always imagined libraries to be small and dingy. I had to admit that I hadn’t spent much time in one in school.