Only One Kiss (Only One 1)
“I’m going to say this as delicately as I can,” he says, sitting on the glass table in the middle of the room. Looking around, I realize this room doesn’t even feel like him. I look at him now as he sits down in front of me. His blue eyes look a little lighter. “When she blows, she blows.”
“I’m going to say this as delicately as I can.” I look at him. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“I mean that fart”—he points at Ariella, who looks at me again with a huge smile as she lets another one rip—“can go from a fart to full blown everywhere.” He uses his hands to mimic an explosion. I suddenly feel wetness soaking into my leg, and my mouth opens wide and so do my eyes.
“Oh, God.” He gets up. “It’s happening.” I watch him as he runs to the kitchen, and I suddenly hear water running.
“Pretty girl,” I say. “That is not polite.” She kicks her feet and the hand that I have under her is now wet. “Um, Ralph!” I yell for him as he rushes out of the kitchen with a pair of scissors.
“What are you doing?” I ask him.
“I’m going to cut her out of her onesie,” he says, and I laugh.
“What? Why?” I ask him, shocked, looking down to see the pink onesie with butterflies all over it.
“What do you mean why?” he asks. Getting up, I try not to move her as I walk over to the kitchen and put the bottle down on the table. “Trust me when I say this. We need to just cut it off her, or it will be everywhere.”
“How many onesies have you cut off her?” I ask, trying not to laugh when he shrugs. “Can you get me two towels?” I say, and he just looks at me. “Trust me.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He turns and runs down the hallway to the bathroom. “And her soap and shampoo,” I say and look down at Ariella who is babbling away while chewing on her finger. He runs back in with what looks like four towels and then looks at me. I walk into his massive kitchen with stainless steel appliances. The light beige countertops make the dark wood cabinets pop more. Making my way over to the kitchen sink, I see that it’s huge, and she could definitely be washed in there.
“Where do you give her a bath?” I ask, and he points down the hallway he just came from. “Is it a deep tub?” He just nods. “Okay, let’s do it here. I want you to put a towel down on the counter right next to the sink.” He walks over and puts one towel down and then another one over it.
“I don’t want it to be too hard for her head in case,” he says, and I swear if I could fall in love with a man, he would be it. I walk over and place her down on the towel, putting my hand on her chest to make sure she won’t roll anywhere. I finally look down and see the brown stains seeping into my white silk blouse.
“I will pay to replace the shirt,” he says, looking at me.
“You stay away from me and my shirt with those scissors. I refuse for you to cut me out of my clothes,” I joke with him, and I suddenly picture his hands ripping open the buttons. Ariella’s squealing cuts through my daydream.
“Is that water okay?” He walks over to the sink beside me and puts his elbow in and then nods his head.
“Okay, here we go,” I say, seeing that she has poop all over her legs, and she is vigorously kicking. “I found out the trick once when I was watching Zoey,” I start saying when I unbutton the clips. “It was everywhere.” I look at him.
“That’s why I just cut the shit off.” He holds up the scissors, opening and closing them.
“The trick is to take it off downward and not over her head,” I say and point at the flaps by her neck on her shoulders. “It’s made like this so you can pull it down.” He watches me as I pull her onesie down. “That way it’s not in her hair.” I roll it into a ball and then take off her diaper. “And just like that, all you have to do is wash her.” I put her into the sink water, and she immediately starts splashing her hands in the water making it go everywhere. “I’m giving her a minute, and then I’m going to drain the water and wash her off,” I say. He just looks at me, and I don’t know what the look is for.
“I can take over if you want,” he says quietly.