Only One Kiss (Only One 1)

“Are you sure about that?” he asks me softly.

“It is what it is. I just don’t want the drama. So I need you to just let it be,” I say.

“That doesn’t answer my questions, Candace.” He looks at me, waiting.

“I can’t change the past, and he can’t see the future.” I grab my phone off the table. “I’m moving here,” I say, making it official. He nods his head. “We have space for you here.”

“I’m not moving in with you,” I say. “I’m going to rent Viktor’s place from him.” Mentioning his brother-in-law who has a place in New York City. “I have to go home and sort my shit.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” He gets up. “We can come with you.”

“You have to get back on the ice, Evan. I know that you don’t have time,” I say. “I’m giving myself one week.”

“It’ll be good to finally have you close,” he says, and I nod my head, ignoring the lump in my throat.

“I’m going to make a list of things I need to do,” I say, walking away from him and going inside. I walk up to the bedroom that I always use when I’m here and close the door behind me. The drapes are still closed, so the room is dark. I slip under the bed covers and close my eyes. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week, but I know that isn’t the truth since all I have been doing since getting here is sleeping. It’s my way to escape; it’s also my way to see Ralph and Ari. It’s the time I get to laugh and smile and grab his face and kiss him over and over again. It’s the time I get to rock Ari to sleep. I wonder if she misses me? She probably doesn’t even notice; she probably will never know how much I love her.

The tears don’t stop; in this room, I can cry for however long I want. The door opens softly, and I see Zara stick her head in. “Hey,” she says. “Can I come in?” I nod my head, and she comes in and sits on the bed. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I say. “Not in the least.”

“Evan told me . . .” she starts to say, and I just sob.

“I don’t want to know,” I say. “I don’t want to know because it’s going to hurt me, and I can’t handle the hurt. I can’t handle it. My heart can’t.”

“I’m going to come with you,” she says. “To help you close up the house.” I shake my head.

“You have Zoey, and Evan goes back to work,” I say. “It’s okay. It’s okay, it will be fine.”

“It’s not even going to be close to fine,” she says. “But you are strong.” She gets up.

“You also need to eat something. Evan hasn’t noticed yet, but you’ve lost a good ten pounds, and you didn’t have ten pounds to spare to begin with.” She walks to the door, closing it softly behind her.

“Today,” I say to myself. “I give myself today to cry it all out and then tomorrow.” I take a deep breath. “Tomorrow will be better.”Chapter 34RalphFourteen days. It’s been fourteen days that I’ve been in this hell. Three hundred and thirty-six hours of hell. Three hundred and thirty-six hours of living the memories over and over again. I call her every hour, and it goes straight to voice mail.

I step off the ice, sweat pouring down my face as I walk to the locker room. I unsnap my helmet and put it on the shelf with my name on it. I don’t bother showering here. Instead, I change and make my way back home. When I get there, Bernadette is rocking Ari, and I kiss her on her cheek and head for the shower.

I’m about to step into the shower when my phone rings, and I see it’s Evan.

“Hello,” I say, hoping it’s Candace instead.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice low. “I have to ask you something,” he says, and I just wait for it. “Is she it for you?” I think about his question.

“You think I’m going to tell you how I feel about her before I tell her?” I laugh. “Nice try but this isn’t fucking high school.” I wait to hear the hang up signal or for him to tell me to fuck off when my voice goes low. “Listen, you don’t have to like me. Not now, not ever. But Candace, she is the only one that matters.”

I wait for it, wait for anything, and then he shocks me. “I thought you’d like to know that Candace is back in town.” My heart speeds up so fast and so loud I don’t think I heard it properly.

“What?” I ask him again.

“Don’t make me regret this,” he says and hangs up the phone. It pretty much sums up the first time we spoke.