Only One Kiss (Only One 1)

“When you left me, I thought I was having a heart attack. I collapsed on my knees in the middle of the driveway, and all I could do was think I was going to die, and I never told you that I love you. I was going to die, and I was never going to be able to say I’m sorry. I was never going to look you in the face and beg you to forgive me.” I can’t stop my feet as I walk to her. She stands there in the middle of the room, and her whole body shakes from the sobs. “Being with you was so much more than I can ever explain.” I hold her face in my hand. “When Cassie died, it hurt. I can’t deny that it hurt, but it hurt because of Ari. It hurt knowing that she is going to miss out on our beautiful girl. But . . .” I want to bend and kiss her lips. “Being without you, my heart stopped. It stopped in my chest. I’m a shell of a man without you. I’m existing when all I want to do is live. I want to live, and I want to do it with you and no one else. I can’t do it with anyone else but you. I feel it now, what love is. It creeps into you without knowing. It’s the air that makes your lungs breathe. It’s the beat of the heart. It’s the feeling that you want to do whatever you can to make the other person happy.”

“Ralph,” she whispers.

“I love you, Candace,” I say. “I love your smile and your laugh. I love the way you take care of everyone without asking twice. I love your loyalty. I love your stubbornness. I love all of you.” I smile now. “Every single piece of you was made for me.” Then I ask her the only question I actually want the answer to. “What would it take for you to stay?”Chapter 35Candace“What would it take for you to stay?” he asks, and his forehead hits mine. His hands cupping my face make my heart finally beat normal for the first time in fourteen days.

I knew coming back here would be hard. I knew it would hurt, and I was expecting the hurt, but what I wasn’t expecting was the hurt to be so bad that I would have trouble breathing. I stepped into the house in the darkness, and the minute I did, I could still smell him here. I cried the tears as I relived the memories. I refused to even sleep in my bed and instead camped out on the couch. It was only going to be for a week anyway. I had everything already lined up, and the realtor had my house on the market. The boxes were waiting to be filled. I just had to fill them, and in two days, I would be out of my house.

“I need you to stay,” he says, and I want nothing more than to say yes. I want nothing more than to give into him, but I can’t.

“I can’t,” I say, and his eyes close as the tears fall. “I can’t be the one who forces you to be someone who you aren’t.” His hands fall from my face now. “You don’t want the whole white picket fence thing and the screaming kids. And that is okay.” I hold up my hand when he is going to say something.

“This has nothing to do with you calling me Cassie. If I’m honest, it hurt, but it hurt more knowing that you will never allow yourself to see what an amazing father you are.” I wipe my nose on my sweater. “You’re stuck thinking that you don’t deserve the happiness that you have. I can’t be the woman who forces you to be that person either. It isn’t fair to you, and it isn’t fair to me. I love you,” I say this because he has to know. “I love you with every single fiber of my being. I love you with everything, but I can’t forgo what I want.” He puts his hands to his chest.

“I want to get married. I want to have a whole big wedding or small wedding, but I want to stand with the man I love and promise to love him through everything. Good and bad. Then I want to get my white picket fence, no matter how stupid that sounds. I want to carry a child and give birth to that child. I want to breastfeed my child and help it grow. I want to read them stories and then tell them stories about our love story. I want to cry when the kids go off to school. I want to be there for them when they fall and scrape their knees. I want it all, Ralph. I want it all.”