Fallen

Scarlett wiggled her feet. “It feels wonderful,” she sighed and at the sound of her pleasure, his body tightened. He welcomed it. This moment . . . it felt good and . . . innocent. This is how it’s supposed to feel, a voice whispered inside. He thought of the natives who had once drank from this very stream, carrying containers of the cool, clean water back to their tribe. It amazed him that when he was in her presence for short bursts of time, it felt as if nothing else existed, only her. And that feeling was especially vivid here where there was only the earth below and the sky above. No Lilith House. No plan. No promise. No past, and no future. Only them. Only now.

It made him feel like the man he wanted to be. Not the one Georgie and Mason believed he should aspire to. Certainly not the vision Lilith House had had for him. Just his own, the one he rarely explored, the one who lived inside him like a secret garden just beginning to grow.

His thoughts caused his mood to sour, bursting the peaceful bubble he’d been in so briefly. He looked down, focusing on the practiced movement of his fingers.

“This feels like the first time in forever I’ve just sat still and done nothing,” she said.

He regarded her, noted the serene expression on her face, the way her body looked relaxed and pliant. The sun was shining on her exposed thighs and he could see a light brown birthmark mostly hidden by the raised hem of her skirt. Every muscle in his body primed to lift that skirt higher, to discover the mystery of her birthmark. Did it look like a crescent moon, or maybe a state? Maybe there was nothing to compare it to. Maybe that birthmark was a shape that was completely specific to her, like a fingerprint, or the curl of the hair on her scalp. He wanted to know it. He wanted to trace it and commit it to memory. Damn but he was attracted to her. “I imagine, being a single mom, you rarely get breaks.”

She nodded, sighed. “It’s true. It can be really hard not having someone to split the workload with.” She chewed on her lip for a moment as if considering. “In lots of ways, things are easier now that Haddie isn’t a baby. No diapers, no crazy sleep schedule.” She paused for a moment. “But Haddie . . . well, you haven’t met her, but she’s . . . she’s different.” She frowned slightly as though regretting her own words.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, my friend Merrilee calls her an old soul, and I guess that’s a good way to describe it. She’s the most serious kid you’ll ever meet. It’s like she has this very intense inner world that so far, she hasn’t shared with me.”

Cam tilted his head. He could relate to that. For different reasons of course. He’d been isolated from the world at large, his early existence mostly narrowed down to three basement rooms. He’d been deeply shamed by the fact that he—they—were considered such an embarrassment that they had to be hidden away like a dirty secret. Then later, tricked, used . . . Yes, that was all different, but even now, he had trouble sharing his inner feelings with anyone. Sometimes he wanted to, he did, but he simply didn’t know how. Nor had there been anyone he could tell, because his thoughts and experiences seemed too unusual, too strange and overwhelming to hand over to another person and expect them to even remotely understand. To handle them gently. Except for the people who’d lived it with him. Those who were also discarded . . . “Maybe she just doesn’t have the words yet to describe all her feelings,” he offered.

She nodded. “Yes. Yes, that’s what I’ve thought too. Hoped. It’s just . . . in the meantime, I worry about her. I worry that she keeps secrets from me.”

“What sort of secrets?”

Scarlett shrugged. “I don’t know.” Her gaze moved away again, a worried frown creasing her forehead. His fingers moved more swiftly on the blade of grass, folding and looping.

“I’m probably not one to give advice on kids”—he glanced up at her momentarily—“but what I do know is that you’re a loving mom who cares deeply for her daughter. Anyone with two eyes in their head could see that. And I don’t think there’s anything more important for a kid than that. She’ll find the words, eventually. And you’ll be the first person she brings them to.”

She smiled softly. “Thanks, Camden, I appreciate that.” She closed her eyes momentarily, breathing out a small sigh. “This is a good place to bring your troubles to. Do you feel that way as well?”