Forbidden Gold (Providence Gold 5)

There was a delay in her reaction, but when it came, Sadie almost rocked herself off her chair.

“Does that mean the same thing I use the word for?”

“Of course,” Ari said proudly, then added, “I have two.”

Sadie’s mouth opened and closed, then got stuck on open as she blinked rapidly. “You have two wieners?”

Beau leaned across and made a mad swipe for Ari’s hand, missing it twice but eventually finding it. “I’m so happy for you. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life, and you’ve always just been Ariana to me. This is just awesome-uh-sum-sum-sum.”

“How long have you known each other?” Sadie asked, smiling widely at both girls like this was a revelation circle or something.

“Only since we were three,” Beau sighed. “We lost out on so much time, not knowing the other one was out there.”Beau and Ari glanced at each other after watching this, both of them wearing the same ‘kill me now’ expressions as people started chuckling at their tables. That’s when I noticed how full the bar was tonight.What followed on the screen was an emotional outburst of their feelings for each other and questions about why they hadn’t been best friends sooner.

Halfway through it, Sadie suddenly sat up straight. “Wait, did you say you had two peckers?”

Slowly turning her head to look at her, Ari frowned at the question. “I dunno?”

“You said you had two wieners or did I imagine that?”

Beau sat back, her eyes wide and excited. “You did. Hey, that’s kinda smart. Men have to pick a side to shove it into, and I’ve always thought it must be a hard choice to make. Like, does it depend on the day? Their mood? What pants they’re wearing? Or is it a whole man thing they can’t share?” When Ari and Sadie just looked at her blankly, she just shrugged. “You get to divide and conquer—one tucked on both sides. Or wait, do you put them both on one side? That’s got to be… bulky.”

“I just put one under each arm,” Ari told them, demonstrating with her arms curved out either side of her torso. “If you put them under one arm, you’re gonna end up panicking about dropping one or your balance.”

“You put them under your arms?” Sadie breathed.

Spoiler alert: when they found out they were discussing Ari’s dogs and not if she had two penises, there was a lot of disappointment. It led to a discussion on the manly version of size, including how they make each inch eight standard inches.

Somehow, that then ended up with a discussion on romance books.

“When I was fifteen, I nicked one of Gran’s bodice ripper romances. It was set like three hundred years ago, and this highlander type of guy captured his enemy's daughter. Anyway, the author described her pubes as ‘a thatch of hair on her mound,’ and that was a mega gross mental image. Anyway,” Sadie sighed, spinning her hand in the air, “a few years later, one of my brothers came home after a night with this bird. He said she had a lot of hair down there,” she pointed at her crotch under the table. “I said it couldn’t have been that bad, so he says it was like the roof of a thatched cottage, and that’s when it all made sense why I was so grossed out by the ‘thatch of hair’ description. It put me off reading romance for years.”

“Why’s that so bad?” Beau and Ari asked at the same time.

Pulling her phone out, Sadie closed one eye as she tried to unlock it, forgetting it had facial recognition security and not her thumbprint. It might also be pointed out that with one eye shut, it wasn’t going to unlock.

Shaking it, she opened her other eye to yell at it, whooping when it unlocked. “I put the fear in you, hah!” she yelled at it, then looked at Beau. “What was I doing?”

“Explaining why a thatch of hair was gross.”

“Ah,” Sadie nodded, tapping her screen. “Yeah, there are some properties with thatched roofs in the UK. They make them out of branches and whatever. Actually,” she paused, frowning as she looked at the table now, “I don’t know what they use? Maybe they just pick branches up that they come across for recycling, you know?” Both ladies nodded like they understood it. “So, they look pretty, but these branches are all mashed together and kept in place with wire to make a seriously thick roof on the property. They make them so tightly packed that they can last one hundred years before they need replacing.”

Beau sat back, her eyes wide. “Wow, that’s a lot.”

Holding her phone up to show them the screen, Sadie shouted, “Well, imagine your pubes looking like this. That’s what I see when I think about the thatch of hair description in that book. The poor bloke probably had to fight his way through the tightly packed hair. All I can see is a matted minge—”