“I didn’t even go out with Jared,” I countered. “He was just talking to me at the bar that time.”
“He was warm for your form. You should’ve went home with him.”
“I barely know him!” I dismissed. “Besides, he didn’t make a move. A man has to make a move on me.”
“Whoa, look at you with your standards,” she joked. “You were pretty tipsy that night. Surprised you didn’t end up going home with someone.”
“Diamond did.”
“Diamond always goes home with someone,” she noted. “No offense, but that girl will spread for anybody.”
“Gil! That’s not nice.”
“It’s true, Traci. You know it. Remember that weightlifter she brought back to the dorm? God, he was a maniac. Kept showing up to the room looking for her--- I mean, he was in love with her.”
“She does throw herself around.”
“And that other guy--- Dave? Dan?”
“Sam?”
“Yeah, Sam! She starts dating him and then he goes Goth and then Diamond tries to be Goth. Remember how we talked her out of getting her clit pierced.”
“Oh, God! So gross!”
“They say it enhances everything,” Gillian pointed out. “You haven’t thought about it?”
“No! Holy shit! I squealed when I got my ears pierced. I think I’d have a heart attack and die if I got my--- You know, pierced.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“My stepbrother’s lurking somewhere. I don’t want him to hear me say things.”
“No offense, but I would do him.”
“Gil! God! I called you because I thought I wouldn’t get this kind of conversation! Diamond is already planning on meeting some guy.”
“She lives in Jersey City. That place is so densely populated, you could meet a guy going to take out your trash in the hall.”
“They put their trash in the hall?”
“In a slot. In an apartment building.”
“Oh, right,” I laughed. “I was picturing tiny trashcans in the hall and that the apartment landlord would pick them up.”
“In what?” laughed Gillian. “A tiny trash truck? Didn’t you ever see Seinfeld? The characters live in an apartment in New York.”
“They wouldn’t show the trash on TV,” I scoffed.
“Why not? It’s not illegal. And I think they did in one episode,” she pointed out. “Maybe that’s what I should do. Binge watch Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm again.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s what I should do, too. Binge watch something. I hear this Tiger King is pretty good. Looks weird though.”
“I saw the trailer,” explained Gillian. “He’s gay, but he loves tigers and he tries to kill this woman. I think he ends up in jail.”
“You just gave it away!”
“That was in the trailer,” assured Gillian. “Trust me. Sounds like there’s way more to it than that.”
“I actually wanted to watch this new Star Trek show, but everyone says it’s terrible.”
“It’s so weird you have to pay for it now. I think the first episode’s free. You have Netflix?”
“I’m not sure what we have. I think we have a whole package. Including Amazon Prime.”
“Oh, my God, that one is so lit. I love Amazon!”
“You get Amazon delivered where you live?”
“Of course! Best thing about it, since we’re in the woods--- No one ever steals off of our porch. Although, sometimes the guy leaves the packages by the road. Our driveway is like a hike.”
“He just leaves them at the road? That’s nuts.”
“Well, not really. It’s where the mailbox is. Otherwise, he’d have to pull off the road and drive all the way in. I don’t think they can do that,” Gillian explained.
“What happens if it’s raining?”
“My dad had originally built a little package box for that, but--- Then the animals started nesting in there. One of the security cameras looks at the road, so we just keep an eye out. He usually comes in the early afternoon, so--- I just run out there and get the stuff. We have a golf cart with a little roof.”
“You have a golf cart? Just to go down your driveway?” I laughed. “That’s so weird.”
“I know, but it’s like a quarter of a mile! It’s a lot faster, especially if it’s raining and you don’t want to get wet. Usually, my dad and I will do it. I’ll drive and he holds the umbrella, then I stop. He hops out and gets the packages while I turn around. Then he jumps back on and we drive into the garage.”
“That’s a complicated way to get the mail!” I laughed.
“What’s even worse now, dad decided to order all our food online. We keep getting cases of soup and stuff. It’s heavy! I went out there went it wasn’t raining to get a case of mandarin oranges---“
“What?” I laughed. “You’re ordering fruit in a can?”
“The produce stand is like, ten minutes away by car--- No more than that. Probably like 20 minutes. He doesn’t even want to go there. Says that people handling the fruit can infect us.”
“Jeez, does he have a bunker?”