Day in and day out, it got like this. I had sex with the guy and this is the way he treats me afterwards. God! What a mistake! I mean, it was amazing sex, but who wants to be put through this bullshit.
I could tell Diamond or Gillian. God! I’d just die if they ever found out! They’d probably think I was the biggest weirdo on the planet! Who could I tell? A priest or a therapist, I guess were my only options. Neither one was doable right now.
Finally, I had an opportunity to confront Phil. He was mowing the lawn, so I waited until he was far from the house. I marched out there and waved him down.
“Hey! Hey-hey!” I shouted.
“What?!” he snapped. “What the fuck do you want?”
“What is wrong with you, Phil?” I demanded. “After what we did, you treat me like this?”
“I know what this is, Tracianne. It’s a set up,” he said. “That’s what I’ve become convinced this is.”
“A set up? For what? What do I even have to gain?”
“You want me out of here! That’s what you have to gain,” he growled. “I get it now. You expose me, I’ll expose you. Keep that in mind and stay the Hell away from me!”
“You’ve lost your mind!”
“I did for a few hours, but now my eyes are open!” he declared.
I marched back to the house. Fuck this guy! Or rather, never again fuck this guy. I couldn’t tell anyone about what happened, so my only choice was to write about it. At least in my private diary, I could get out my thoughts.
After about two hours of furiously scribbling, I had gotten all my thoughts on the subject written down. It was a lot to read. Somehow, I thought by writing about it, I’d be able to organize better. It was still a mess of bees in my head. It was then I got a text.
“You sneaking out?” said the text.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Ryan.”
Ryan? I didn’t know any Ryan.
“You have the wrong number.”
“This is the right number. C’mon Lynn.”
“I’m not Lynn, you idiot. I’m Tracianne.”
“Prove it.”
I snapped a selfie flipping him off and sent it.
“Oh, sorry. My bad. Jeez, I guess she gave me a fake number.”
“How are you hooking up during the virus?” I asked, realizing the irony. “Shouldn’t you just be in?”
“I guess. Listen, I’m genuinely sorry about this, Tracianne. How are you doing with this lockdown?”
“Not well. I’m trying to work it out in my head, but it’s just not working!” I confessed.
“Work what out?”
“It’s really complicated. I don’t know if I should say,” I confessed.
“I am a total stranger. It’s not like you can get into trouble. I don’t even know where you live and who you are.”
“This is going to sound totally insane.”
“Nothing more insane than this lockdown. Go ahead.”
“Well, my dad remarried and his new wife has a son my age,” I explained. “Last night, we hooked up.”
“Wait, you had sex with your stepbrother?!”
“Yes.”
“Whoa. I thought that only happened in bad porno movies.”
“I know! And I don’t know what to do!”
“It’s not like you two are related,” said Ryan. “It’s probably nothing. I mean, it really is no different. Except you’ll probably see him a lot more.”
“No, he’s being weird. He, like, won’t even talk to me,” I explained.
“Well, it’s probably weird for him too,” Ryan texted. “I don’t know how I’d feel about it. Although, you are pretty hot, so I guess I can’t blame him.”
“That’s an interesting way to compliment me!”
“Well, it’s true. I mean, the guy’s only human.”
“But we’re related! What have I done?” I lamented.
“You’re not really related. Only by marriage. It’s not illegal. It’s probably not usual, but it’s probably not that unusual when you think about it,” countered Ryan. “And so what? Are you planning to have sex with him again?”
“That’s the thing. I wanted to talk to him about it, but he’s putting on this act like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Keeps pushing me away,” I explained.
“If it’s any consolation, I would have sex with you,” Ryan joked. “Any chance you live in Alaska too?”
“No.”
“Then that’s probably not going to happen.”
“How’s the infection there?”
“The virus? Not very widespread except in the major cities. People keep to themselves out here,” said Ryan.
“I wish I had followed that advice. This whole thing was a mistake. I never should’ve had sex with Phil!” I said.
“Well, was it good?”
“It was kind of incredible, actually.”
“Then what’s the big deal? You have the memories!”
“Oh, hahaha.”
“Seriously, you miss the shots you don’t take, as they say.”
“That doesn’t matter. My dad would go absolutely nuts if he found out.”
“Will he?”
“I don’t know. What if Phil tells him?”
“Phil is not going to tell him,” assured Ryan. “He might tell all of his friends, but he’s definitely not going to tell his dad. Dads don’t like guys that have sex with their daughters already. Add the whole step sibling into the mix? No, he’ll never tell him.”