On My Knees (Stark International Trilogy 2)

I hesitate just past the open doorway. I’m not ready for this. I am so very, very not ready for this.

At first I just stand there, numb and uncertain. But then the door shuts behind me, and when I hear it click shut, it’s as if I’ve been pushed back into action. I take a step toward my desk. “We’re rescheduling the photography thing,” I lie. I keep my eyes down, as if the notes on my pad are the most important scribbles in the history of the world. “There’s something going on in the Hong Kong office. I’m going to work late with Damien.”

“That’s too bad.”

As I slide behind my desk, I catch a glimpse of him and manage a disappointed smile. “Yeah, well. Rain check. But you should head out.”

“That’s okay. I’ll stay. I have plenty to do on twenty-six. We can grab some dinner when you’re done.”

“I’ll probably eat at my desk.”

I’m talking to him, but I’m still not looking him in the eye. I can’t, because I don’t want to cry or scream, and I’m afraid if I look, I will do exactly that. Right now, I just want him to go. And that simple fact makes me want to cry the hardest.

“Syl?” His voice is both gentle and wary, and I realize that I can keep very little from this man. “What’s wrong?”

I know I should tell him, but I can’t. He’s held on to his secret; I can hold mine for a little bit longer.

“Nothing. Hong Kong. I’m distracted.”

It’s clear he doesn’t believe me—smart man—but he doesn’t call me on it. “All right,” he says carefully. “I’ll be working on twenty-six. We can drive home later together.”

“I’ll use one of the company cars.”

“Not necessary. I have plenty to do.” He looks right at me, and I know that he doesn’t believe a word I’m saying. “I’ll drive you home. It’ll be nice to have time to talk.”

He goes to the elevator without waiting for me to reply. He pushes the call button. And he doesn’t once look back.

Shit.

I don’t even realize I’ve made a decision until I reach the elevator, too. It’s just arrived, and as he steps on, I do as well. And as soon as the doors close, I turn on him, letting all of the temper I’ve been holding in fly. “Goddamn you, Jackson Steele.” I feel hot and cold at the same time, and so full of fury I could burst. “You put on this big act. Tell me you don’t want to keep secrets. And yet when the opportunity is staring you right in the face, you don’t say a single goddamn word.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Ronnie!” I shout, shoving him in the chest and making him stumble back a step. “I’m talking about the fact that you have a daughter.”

He goes completely gray as every ounce of blood drains from his face. He reaches behind him as if he needs the solidity of the elevator wall to steady him.

I stand frozen, waiting for him to deny it. To tell me I have it wrong—so very wrong.

He doesn’t.

Instead, he asks, “How do you know?”

I lift my chin. “The paternity test. It’s public record, Jackson.”

“Public record? Only if someone’s looking. Who’d be—that son of a bitch.” He meets my eyes, his flashing with anger. And with hurt. “Damien.”

I say nothing, but it doesn’t matter. I’m sure the truth shows on my face.

“That fucking prick.”

I wince, realizing that whatever detente Damien and Jackson have reached, I’ve clearly just destroyed it.

He takes a single, wary step toward me. “Syl, we need to talk.” His voice is softer now, as if he has put the anger away in a box. For a tiny moment, I’m proud of him, because I have a feeling all he really wants to do is hit something.

I’m not, however, proud enough to go with him. Not now. Not when I need to be alone.

“No,” I say. “Maybe we do need to talk, but I can’t right now. I need to think.” I feel myself sagging with sudden, horrible exhaustion.

“Syl—” He is reaching out for me, and those damn tears are welling in my eyes again.

“No,” I repeat. “I’m sorry, but I am going to Santa Monica tonight.” I meet his eyes. “And, Jackson, I need you to not go with me.”

“Here’s to excellent students and negative spaces,” Wyatt says, lifting a beer in a toast.

We’re in Hard Tails, a relatively new bar on the Third Street Promenade just a few blocks down from my condo. Damien and Nikki are on one side of the booth, and Wyatt and I are on the other.