The Amendment (The Contract 2)

I blinked at his tone. I had never heard Aiden talk with such a serious manner. He took my silence as permission to keep going.

“I compiled some stats for you, Richard. You’re a numbers guy, and I thought it would give you some perspective. First off, your injury was severe. You were trapped in the car a long time while they waited for the jaws of life to get you out. Your spine was compressed and the blood flow constricted for an extended period of time. Your surgeon was one of the best around—you were lucky he was on call that day.”

I didn’t disagree. I knew Dr. Fletcher’s reputation, but still, I had my doubts.

“Didn’t do me much good, did it?” I snarled. “I’m still in pain and stuck in a fucking wheelchair. Useless and immobile.”

“So,” Aiden continued as if I hadn’t spoken, “your recovery is taking longer. But, unlike you insist, it is not improbable. Even with the time lapse, people with severe injuries such as yours do recover and walk again. But it takes time and determination. You haven’t given either a good enough shot.”

“Not everyone walks,” I insisted.

“No,” he agreed, flipping a page. “There are approximately one percent of patients that don’t recover fully. Pretty damn good odds that you can recover.” He shut the file. “I’ve known you for a while, Richard. The only one percent you are ever in, is the top.”

“Sometimes we don’t have a choice.”

He leaned forward. “In this, you do.”

I slammed my hand on the table. “You think it’s that easy? That I can will myself to walk and I will? I have fucking tried!”

He shook his head. “Are you listening to yourself? The first word out of your mouth for everything is no. So here it is back to you. No—you’re not trying hard enough.”

I let out a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush. “You think I want to be like this? Unable to walk? Living with this goddamn ball of fire in my back? Not able to help my kids? Do my job? Make love to my wife? I’m losing my mind over this shit!”

He held up his hands. “Wait. You’re saying you haven’t been, ah, intimate with Katy since the accident?”

“No,” I admitted, looking at my lap. “We haven’t had sex.”

“Even with the injury you have, you should still be able to get an erection.”

I huffed out a long breath. Maddox finally broke his silence. “Talk to us, Richard.”

“I can’t, all right? I just can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Katy and I… We always had amazing chemistry. I worry it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to—” I paused “—that it won’t be good for her and she’ll be disappointed. I want to, but I can’t relax enough to let anything happen. And the pain kills me before I can really try…” My voice trailed off in embarrassment. “And I stop. So, no, we haven’t had sex. We haven’t even been close.”

He studied me. “There’s that word again.” He crossed his leg over his knee, resting his hand on his ankle, his voice low and serious. “I think there is more to this pain than you realize, Richard—than you’re willing to admit. If you can’t be honest with us, at least be honest with yourself. As for the rest, your legs are the problem, not your dick. Your hands and tongue still work,” Aiden informed me. “You’re overthinking this. Holy shit, Richard. We need a reset in your brain.”

“I need a reset in my life,” I said, staring at my legs.

Aiden laid his hand on my shoulder. “That’s why we’re here. Maddox is gonna listen and be your friend. I’m gonna work you harder than you’ve ever been worked before. Unlike your physio guy, I don’t care if you hurt. I’m still gonna push.”

I looked at Maddox, who was watching us with narrowed eyes.

“Isn’t it worth it, Richard?” he asked quietly. “Right now, you have nothing. You pushed away your family, and you’re stuck in that chair. There is nowhere else but up. If you try—really try— you might be able to earn both back. Worth the effort, I think.”

His words hit me. Nowhere else but up.

“Aiden is right,” he continued. “You need to talk. Be open. Admit your fears. Overcome them. I can be your friend and support you, but to be honest, I think you’re suffering from depression, and you need professional help. Aiden can guide you through the exercises, but it all comes down to you. What you want. How much you are willing to fight to get it back.” He met my eyes. “You need to find that belief in yourself, Richard. You’re the common denominator here. If you don’t believe, nothing we do is going to work.” He sighed. “You need to stop living the future you think is going to happen and grab the here and now and change that future. If you don’t believe, you’re already DOA.”