The Amendment (The Contract 2)

I heard her fast intake of air. “But I told you—”

I interrupted her. “I know. But how you see me changed, Katy. How I see myself has changed. I felt like less of a man. I was afraid to even touch you. It even bothered me to hold Gracie or Heather. I was worried I would hurt them. That they’d wiggle and slide off my lap and I couldn’t catch them.”

She remained silent.

“I longed to touch you. Hold you. Let you soothe me and tell me things were going to be all right.”

Her voice was quiet and shaky. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because if I touched you, I’d want more. And the pain was too much. The embarrassment of not being able to make love to you messed with my head. The feeling of being less and thinking that was all I would ever be now. I felt powerless and lost.”

“Richard,” she sighed. “You can’t keep all those things from me. I’m your wife. I want to be there for you. We need to talk about these things and work them out together.”

“Are we still together?”

Her voice was gentle and low. “This is a part of our journey, not the end of the road, Richard.”

Her words healed a small piece of my bruised heart. “I love you so much, Katy. And I’m trying. I’m working with Aiden and talking to a counselor. I’m doing it for us.”

“Do it for yourself first.”

“I want my life back. Whatever form it takes. You are my life. The girls.”

“I need you,” she whispered. “For you to be there with me.”

“I am, baby. I will be. Give me a few days to concentrate on this and clear my head. But I need you, Katy. I need to know you’ll be there. I can’t do this without you. This house is so empty without you. I’m so empty.” My voice broke. “Tell me I haven’t lost you.”

I heard a soft sob, and I longed to be able to hold and comfort her.

“You haven’t,” she murmured.

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Any time.”

“You’ll give me some time, and you’ll come home?”

She sighed. “Yes. I need a little time too, Richard. You frightened me the other day. Your words and actions hurt. And if we’re being honest, the last while has been difficult.”

“I know. I became the exact thing I swore I never would be again. The old me. I was horrible.”

“Yes, you were.”

“I am working on that too. Give me another chance.”

“Love is filled with second chances, Richard. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t have answered the phone.”

“I love you, Katy VanRyan. I’m going to prove it to you.”

“I look forward to it.” She paused. “Good night.”

“Good night, sweetheart.”

I stared at the phone after she hung up. She didn’t tell me she loved me, but I heard her forgiveness in her voice. If I had that, I still had her love. I would earn it.

Maddox knocked on the door. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s up?”

I held up the phone. “I spoke with Katy.”

He perched on the end of the bed, crossing his ankles and leaning back on his hands. “How did that go?”

I shrugged. “I spoke to Gracie first. Then Katy let me apologize.”

“But?”

“I need to do more. I need to win her back.”

“Woo her the way you did when you were dating,” Aiden advised from the doorway.

I looked at Maddox. “You never told him?”

He shook his head. “Nope. You told me in confidence, and that’s where it stayed.”

“Where what stayed?” Aiden demanded.

I sighed. “I blackmailed Katy into marrying me. We fell in love later. I never dated her, and I never wooed her. I’ve never wooed a woman in my life.”

He gaped at me. “You blackmailed her?”

“Basically. I paid her.”

“Holy shit, dude. You got layers.”

I burst out laughing. Maddox joined in my amusement.

Aiden stroked his chin. “I didn’t woo Cami much either. But I know someone who is excellent at it.” He turned and left the room, calling over his shoulder. “I got a call to make.”

Maddox stood. “Give her time, Richard. She knows we’re here, so she’s given you the space you need.”

“She needs the break from me too. I hope she’s getting some rest.”

Maddox pursed his lips. “You know, Aiden might be onto something with the wooing thing. I have an idea. We can talk about it tomorrow. Get some rest.”

I shut off the light and lay in the darkness. I reached over and pulled Katy’s pillow to my chest, inhaling deeply.

“Come home soon, baby,” I said into the darkness.

Sleep didn’t find me easily that night.17RichardAll my days became the same. Strengthening, stretching, weights. I worked until sweat poured down my back and exhaustion set in. I was grateful to be dumped in the pool, the cool liquid surrounding me. I was weightless suspended in the water and, for that brief period, almost felt normal.