With Every Breath (Slow Burn 4)

Never would she forget leaving the courthouse, Thomas’s hold on her no longer existing, and the veritable storm of emotions that had swamped her. Anger, humiliation, sorrow but most of all . . . hatred. In that moment she’d hated him with every bit as much passion as she’d once loved him. The realization that she had never truly loved him at all had ripped the few remaining vestiges of her soul into irreparable shreds. Because she’d allowed him to make her feel things she hadn’t ever truly felt for him. It had all been a carefully orchestrated deception, her choices taken, leaving her powerless to his control. She’d felt violated. Raped. Not physically but emotionally because he’d raped her mind, had taken everything from her and left her with nothing.

She hated him for giving her false hopes and dreams. For making her believe for a brief time that all the things she’d longed for her entire life were finally hers and leaving her crushed beyond repair because where she had nothing before, now she was nothing. Unworthy, unloved without the ability to ever dream of better again. She didn’t deserve better and never would. And damn Wade Sterling for giving her the first stirring of hope when she’d refused to ever travel down a path that only led to heartbreak and shattered dreams.

Rare and precious? It was a lie. The idea that he had made love to her was a lie. It was sex. Nothing more and she was a fool for pretending even for a few beautiful, stolen hours.

She exited the diner after an hour-long breakfast where she’d suffered the scrutiny of countless gawkers. It seemed that the entire damn town suddenly descended on the diner to the point it was standing room only, all tables filled and no space available at the long bar by the register where people usually sat when they were only having coffee or just eating alone.

Some didn’t even make the pretense of being there to eat. They walked by her table at the window, staring shamelessly, judgment in their eyes, disapproval twisting their lips. Some openly sneered. A few bolder than the ones who looked and judged in silence made no secret of their contempt and had no issue voicing it loudly enough to be heard in the crowded diner.

Eliza never responded, never said a word. She ate in silence, not giving anyone the satisfaction of getting a reaction from her.

Her shoulders sagged as soon as she was down the block and out of sight of the prying eyes from the diner. Her eyes briefly closed and the courage and bravado she’d clung to like a shield for the last hour seeped from her bones like a deflating balloon. Her hands shook and she stuffed them into the pockets of her jacket, refusing to allow anyone to see her outward show of weakness.

And then she felt it again. A warm prickle of awareness that immediately melted the ice forming in her soul. Wade. She didn’t even bother turning to look for him. She knew she wouldn’t find him. Just knowing he was there bolstered her flagging reserves. It comforted her and terrified her in equal parts.

When had she ever depended on anyone except herself? Yeah, she depended on Dane, her team, but in a professional capacity and they depended on her every bit as much as she depended on them. They had to in order to keep each other alive. There was no such reciprocity when it came to Wade and there was nothing professional about her sudden dependency. It was personal and she had no idea how the hell it happened or when.

Or why she wasn’t fighting it. Why was she accepting it? Had she not just moments before chided herself for being stupid and for believing the lies that both she and Wade were guilty of believing?

Had she turned into the very thing that had gotten her into this horrific mess to start with? A needy, clingy woman wanting to be loved, equating sex with something more and becoming emotionally attached to a man who until a few days ago she had loathed the very sight of and expecting more and reading more into the situation because it reopened an old wound and reawakened the fierce longing to love and be loved?

Or had she become so adept at hiding her emotions, closing herself off to others and lying to herself that she hadn’t recognized the simple truth that she’d been fiercely attracted to Wade Sterling from the very first time she’d gotten into his face and snarled at him?

It’s a lie, Eliza. It’s all a lie. Stop doing this to yourself.

Movement in her periphery diverted her attention from the disastrous direction her thoughts were headed and she gratefully turned, welcoming the reprieve, even knowing it was temporary because now that she’d finally been honest with herself and acknowledged what had been staring her in the face for months, she knew that those thoughts—and Wade—weren’t simply going away.

Her brow furrowed and she frowned as she viewed the convoy of media vans driving down Main Street, stopping, to her dismay, directly in front of the diner and parking alongside the grassy knoll in front of the courthouse.

People poured out of the diner and Eliza shrank back, taking refuge in the tight space between two buildings where she could see but not be easily seen by others. Camera crews got out and began setting up equipment on the grass while reporters and their cameramen did a check of their mics. One even began rolling footage with the reporter looking into the camera, a serious expression on her face as she gave her report.

What the hell was going on? Surely Thomas’s release wouldn’t cause this kind of uproar. Local coverage, yeah. Eliza would have expected that. But there was a CNN crew as well as media personnel from Fox News. In addition to the national media, there were also crews from news stations in Portland and Salem. Hell, even California and Washington state had crews here, San Francisco and Seattle being the most prominent.

What the ever loving fuck?

A prickle of apprehension chased away the awareness of Wade’s vigilant gaze as she took in the hubbub and the ever growing crowd gathering at the now roped off area between the street and the grassy area where the media had set up camp. Damn it, she needed to get closer so she could find out what was up. The last thing she needed was this much focus and awareness.

This could well fuck up her one and only chance at taking Thomas down for good and there was no way in hell she was letting the bastard slip through her fingers, enabling him to pick up where he left off. Torturing, raping and killing women who were powerless once he had them in his thrall.

As she stepped from her hiding place, she could actually feel the heat of Wade’s angry stare. Could hear him in her mind telling her to get the fuck away and not take unnecessary risks. She was only doing what she’d set out to do and what she and Wade had agreed that she would do. Make sure her presence was noted and not be discreet about where she was staying.