With Every Breath (Slow Burn 4)

He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and then swiveled, turning to look at Eliza. She saw the inevitable in his eyes. She’d only heard his side of the conversation, but it was clear what was about to happen. She pushed herself up to her knees, staring at him pleadingly, her heart in her throat.

“Please don’t go, Wade. Don’t do this. Not for me. Let’s just leave. He can’t control me anymore. He is no threat to me. Let’s just go. I’ll go anywhere you want, do anything you ask. I don’t want to lose you,” she said brokenly.

“Come here,” he said quietly.

She scrambled over the bed, launching herself into his arms, clinging desperately to his neck, biting into her lip to staunch the scream that echoed over and over in her heart. He pulled her into his lap and then turned so he was perched on the edge of the mattress, his feet planted on the floor.

He cupped her face and kissed her hard. Fierce. His tongue tangling wildly with hers until his chest heaved from lack of oxygen. Then he pulled away, cradling her face in his hands as he stared intently into her eyes.

“Baby, I can’t let it go,” he said gently. “I’ll never breathe easy if he’s alive and out there. I’ll never allow a threat to you to exist. He damaged you. He hurt you. He made you doubt yourself. For that alone he dies. He took something from you and I’ll be damned if he ever takes you from me. I have to do this, Eliza. I need you to understand that. You know who I am, the kind of man I am. You’ve accepted that part of me that I hope to God never touches you. And after this, nothing ever will. You did what you had to do. I didn’t like it but I understood. It was important to you. Baby, this is everything to me and this is something I have to do. Don’t make me choose between loving and protecting you with my every breath or losing you anyway because you can’t forgive what I have to do.”

She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, emitting a sigh she knew he would recognize as her acquiescence.

“I love you,” she whispered. “Promise me you’ll come back to me. Swear it, Wade. I can’t lose you. Not when I’ve finally found myself and a man who knows every ugly secret I have and loves me anyway. How can I not do the same for you? Swear to me this doesn’t touch you, doesn’t lead back to you or implicate you in any way because I will not let you take the fall for me,” she said fiercely. “I swear to you, Wade, if this falls back on you I will make a full confession and I will plead guilty and swear under oath that I was the one who killed him.”

Wade’s eyes went soft with so much love that she felt shattered. He stroked her cheek and kissed her lovingly.

“Baby, I don’t say this to freak you out, and after this, I will never talk about anything like this with you again because you’re going to live free and you’re going to live in the light, never in the shadows and I’ll break my back to make you happy and to make sure you live free and in the sun. But I am good at what I do. Not saying I’m proud and I’m not bragging. It just is. I’ve done a lot of shit in my life, shit I will never share with you and I hope that doesn’t hurt you but this is me protecting you and busting my ass to make you happy every day. I will never be implicated, suspected or even considered in the matter of Thomas Harrington’s death. I need you to trust me and I need you to have faith in what I’m telling you. I would never do anything that made it so I’m not with you or that I’m not the man making you smile and laugh and live free. So when I tell you that I’ll be back and that neither me or you will have any suspicions cast our way, I need you to tell me you believe in that.”

There was no way she would ever send the man she loved off on a mission that could get him killed, hurt or jailed worried that she would never be able to accept him for who and what he was. He’d done that for her with no hesitation, no reservations and she could do no less for him.

“I believe in you, Wade,” she said, her voice serious and grave. “I’ll always believe in you. Just be safe and hurry back to me. I’ll be waiting.”

He rose, lifting her from his lap and then setting her back down onto the bed. Then he leaned down and kissed her one last time.

“Love you, baby. This will be over soon and you’ll be free and you’ll never have to worry about him again. I want you looking ahead. Focus on the future. Our future. Let me take care of the present.”

TWENTY-THREE

WADE had only been gone half an hour and Eliza had settled in for a long night. She was tense and anxiety consumed her. She was sick at heart, sick to the depths of her soul over Wade doing what amounted to her dirty work. It was her fault he was on his way to kill a man. For her. She was the one who’d begun the quest for justice. Vengeance. Wade wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t taken it upon herself to play God and dispense justice as she demanded it.

He hadn’t even known what she was planning to do. He’d tracked her down because he was worried, knew she was in trouble and was determined not only to protect her but to shield her from any repercussions of a choice made solely by her.

He was stepping in to clean up her mess. To prevent her from suffering the consequences of her decision. A decision she’d made when she’d been in no state of mind to be making such a drastic resolution. And now Wade would pay the ultimate price. Not her.

Even if he did escape implication, suspicion or God . . . arrest and conviction, he’d still have to live with the knowledge that he’d killed a man in a premeditated act of murder for the rest of his life. And he’d forever have Thomas Harrington’s blood on his hands. Would he eventually come to hate her? Would he later be consumed with regret and guilt. Would he blame her and eventually resent her for putting him in this position to begin with?

She didn’t even make the attempt to go back to sleep though she’d nearly been just that when Wade had gotten the phone call. She was wired for sound and so rigid and tense with fear that her muscles already ached from the strain.

With a resigned sigh, knowing she was facing a long night, she shuffled into the kitchen after pulling on one of Wade’s shirts. It was warm like he was and his scent was all over it. It wasn’t even close to having the real thing, but wearing his shirt, feeling his warmth and smelling him on her gave her a small measure of comfort.

Knowing the last thing she needed was caffeine when she was already so worked up, she opted for a glass of juice and rummaged in the fridge for something to eat, more out of the need to have something to do than any real hunger. After dumping several of the items she’d pulled from the fridge onto the counter, she reached back to shut the fridge just as her cell phone rang.