Ride or Die (Rejects Paradise 4)

“Where do we go?” one of the Wolves questions, looking back at the burned Den behind him. “We can’t exactly come back here.”

Colton steps in beside me, looking around at the Wolves. “I’ve got a place.”

Christian meets his eyes, and the two of them remain locked in a stare until Christian finally tears his gaze away. “Right. You heard me. Get the fuck out of here.”

The Wolves instantly break away, and I don’t doubt that with the heartache sitting heavily on their chests, they will not rest until this is done.

With everyone walking away, Christian looks back at me, lowering his voice with warning. “You made them a promise to take out Dominic. I don’t want to be the one to tell you what will happen if you don’t come through.”

“I know,” I say, my jaw clenched as I look up at him with finality. “I won’t fail.”Chapter 35My head rests against Colton’s arm as he holds me, his body curled around mine like a big spoon, keeping me as close as possible. I stare into his dark bedroom, unable to close my eyes as every time I do, I’m hit with the visions of men screaming on the ground, engulfed in flames. Their pained cries will live with me forever, the feel of the smoke in my throat, the struggle to take a deep breath as men lay lifeless on the ground around me. I never want to feel it again.

Today was easily the worst day of my life, yet as I lay here, I can’t help but feel that it’s not over.

Colton took me home, and for the two-hour car ride back into Bellevue Springs, he begged me not to do it and said that he’d take my place. He’ll be the one to finish Nic and that I won’t have to have that burden resting on my shoulders, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to Colton. Especially while he’s out there cleaning up my mess and trying to protect me from myself. He’s too good for me. Nic wouldn’t hesitate to shoot him and I won’t risk that.

I told him over and over again that I couldn’t let him do it and that I’d give it a few days before making my move. We spoke at each other the whole way home, neither of us really listening to what the other had said, just desperate to get our point across until we had nothing left to say. The car fell into silence, neither of us willing to give in.

We got home, and he took me straight upstairs. We showered, and I washed the ash out of my hair while trying to come to terms with what I have to do. I don't think I have what it takes, but thinking of those men who died of smoke inhalation and severe burns, I have no choice.

I have to end it, and I have to look him in the eyes as I do it. Nic can’t get away with this. He needs to be punished for his actions, and after giving my word to the Wolves, I need to keep strong.

If only Colton knew what I was thinking right now … fuck. He’d never let me go.

The movie Colton had put on when we climbed in bed continues playing on a loop. This is the fourth time that it’s starting again. Neither of us watched a single second of it, and while I know I should turn it off, I can’t bring myself to do it. The noise helps to dull the thoughts that are screaming in my mind.

The clock reads just after 11 pm, and despite how tired I am, I know sleep will never come. In fact, sleep won’t come until this is over. Though, the question is, how will I sleep afterward, knowing I killed a man I once loved?

My stomach twists into knots. What are the boys going to think of me? If I pull that trigger, they’ll never speak to me again. Is that a risk I’m willing to take? Hell fucking no, but do I have a choice? No.

That familiar flutter begins tickling inside of me, and my hand instantly falls to my lower abdomen. Why does it have to choose now to remind me that it’s there? Doesn't it know that I’m already struggling with something else? I don’t need to be reminded that this baby may or may not have a momma. Fuck, I couldn’t do that either. If I didn’t find a good enough family for it before it’s born, then I sure as hell will be taking care of it until I do. The thought of giving it up to sit in some rundown foster home for the first few months of its life makes me feel sick.