Virgin in the Middle

He leans back with another laugh, not an unkind one. “I’m surprised you’re so shy, Cass. You’re gorgeous, after all. Guys must flirt with you all the time.” His gaze drops over my body in a long, slow sweep. Savoring every inch of what he sees. It does make me feel hot as hell. Knowing that this gorgeous hunk of a man is as turned on by me as I am him.

But then his smile widens. “I bet you’re a real naughty girl in bed, too, aren’t you?”

Finally, something snaps inside me. He thinks he knows me—the same way I thought I knew him and Vin, admittedly. But still. It sets me on fire, thankfully pushing away the lust to make room for anger instead.

“Of course not!” I snap, jumping off the bed. “Nothing like that.”

Anthony’s eyes widen and his mouth parts, surprised by my sudden shift in attitude. “I wasn’t judging—there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your sexuality,” he protests, guessing that’s why I’m upset.

But I’m already grabbing my bag and heading for the door. “I know there isn’t,” I add over my shoulder, hoping it sounds convincing. Judging by the searching look on Anthony’s face, he doesn’t believe me. He’s starting to put the pieces together, trying to figure me out…

And I’m worried I just revealed way too much. He’ll figure out why I freaked out soon enough.

He’ll realize I’m still a virgin.

A fact I’m proud of, actually. So why does it feel so terrible to me that he might guess it?

I don’t stick around to find out. I shove open the door and run.

“I have boy trouble,” I announce to the camera.

On my screen, Nita positively lights up with a grin.

“You don’t have to look so smug about it,” I add, scowling.

She snorts. “I told you you’d finally find a guy to crush on this year!”

My face flushes. I’ve been blushing so much over the past couple days I’m surprised I don’t permanently turn red. I can only hope Nita thinks this blush is because I’m embarrassed to be harboring a crush already and not because she’s wrong. I haven’t found a guy. I’ve found two.

“I just don’t know if this is a good idea, y’know? So early in the school year… And I have classes to focus on…”

“So what? You don’t have to go from zero to serious, Cass. You can have a little fun.” Nita frowns at the screen, studying my expression. “I mean, you think he’s into you too, right?”

Anthony’s words race through my mind. We want you, Cassidy. “Um, yeah. He’s been pretty open about that.”

Nita grins. “So then, what’s the problem? Just try him out. Enjoy college life!”

I heave a sigh. Wrong response, apparently. Nita’s gaze zeroes in on me, razor-sharp. Like it or not, the girl knows me too well by now. Being best friends attached at the hip for our entire high school lives will do that, after all.

“What aren’t you saying?” She raises an eyebrow, adopting her stern Mom-voice. “Cassidy. Are you crushing on a professor or something?”

“What?!” I blurt, laughing. “No. God, no.”

She narrows her eyes. “Okay. Then why all the weird? He’s into you, you’re into him. Let him seduce you,” she adds, a smirk in her tone.

“It’s not that simple,” I reply. Then I wince, trying to figure out how to word this without going into too much detail. I love Nita, and normally I share everything with her. But something about this situation makes me wonder if even Nita would find it just too weird. I can’t make myself say it out loud. Not all of it. “There are two guys,” I add, in a mumble.

Nita snorts, her expression positively gleeful. “You slut, oh my god, I love it.” She practically squeals into the mic. “Tell me everything. What are they like?”

I describe Anthony first, his boy-next-door good looks and his sports career, not to mention his great taste in novels. Then I talk about Vin, the bad-boy counterpart, and his interest in bio. Not to mention his tendency to flirt with me, hardcore.

“And I don’t know what to do because they’ve known each other forever,” I add, sighing, “So it could get weird—”

“Wait, wait, they know each other?” Nita raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, they grew up together, and they’re both on the lacrosse team—”

“Oh my god, you like two best friends?”

I bite my lip, stare down the camera.

Nita reaches out to wrap her hands around either side of the screen, pretending to strangle me.

“I didn’t mean to!” I protest.

I think I might have broken Nita. She doubles over for a minute, and I can’t tell if she’s hyperventilating or what.

“Hello? Need some advice here!” I admonish her.

When she straightens again, I realize she’s been doubled over with laughter. She wipes tears from her eyes, still shaking with silent giggle fits.

“It’s not that funny,” I huff.

“Yes, it definitely is, Cass.” She breathes in deeply, rubbing her eyes. “Shit. Ah, okay. That is more complicated, yes.” She shakes her head, studying me. “Look, Cass, it’s only the start of the semester. Give it some time. See which of the hot guys drooling after you you prefer more.” She sticks out her tongue. “Which, by the way, cry me a river.”

I snort, unable to help myself.

“But honestly, if you really want to do this, you just have to go for whichever one you like more. Just be real with them. They’ll understand. Especially if they’ve known each other forever and have similar taste in girls. I’m sure they’ve run into this situation before.”

You have no idea, I think, my lips firmly clamped shut while I nod. It’s good advice. Figure out which one I like best. Except, I don’t know either of them super well yet. From what I can tell, if I met either Vin or Anthony in another situation, I’d have liked them instantly. I can’t tell who I like more, because I like them both, at least from what I’ve seen so far.

But also… That’s kind of beyond the point. Because the boys don’t want me just for one of them. They want a ménage-à-trois. From a girl they don’t even know is a virgin. I’ve never slept with one guy, let alone two at once.

How could I possibly let this happen? How could I even be considering it?

And yet, Vin’s words echo in my mind, too. You have no clue what you would do in the heat of the moment.

I really, really don’t.

“Thanks, Nita, that helps,” I say, even though my mind is still racing, jam-packed with a confusing jumble of thoughts.

After I hang up and head back to the room, my stomach twisting itself

into knots as I worry about possibly finding Anthony there, or Vin half-naked instead, or even more terrifying, both at once.

But when I creak open the door to our room, it’s dark and quiet. Only when I flick on the light do I see the book on top of my bed. The newest Jeanette Winterson, one I haven’t read yet, the pages white and the spine unbroken. Brand new. From Anthony, I’m sure.

I sit on the bed and hold the book in my lap, tracing the cover as I try to wrap my mind around this mess I’m tangled up in.

4

The guys’ first lacrosse game of the season is that Friday. I finish my homework in time since I promised myself I would only go if I got that out of the way first. Then I dress in the sportiest outfit I have—basically the one school sweatshirt I own, paired with tight jeans and some boots since it’s finally fall for real.

I sit with a couple of girls I met in Chemistry, who seem nice enough, though we haven’t really talked about anything except for comparing notes after class and complaining about how fast our prof speeds through the slides.

As soon as the lacrosse game starts, though, I forget all about the girls beside me. I have eyes only for the field—and specifically, for numbers 9 and 11 on said field, one blond and one dark-haired, both sprinting every which way as they compete with the opposing team. They’re clearly two of the best on our team—constantly taking passes from other players and racing ahead of the pack down the field. When Anthony nears the net, I find myself on my feet cheering with only the most involved of our spectators.

Then Anthony whirls at the last second, faking out the goalkeeper, who dives to block him. But he wasn’t aiming for the net. He threw the ball high, in a graceful arc to Vin, who seems to catch it without even looking, and in a whip-fast move, hurls it toward the goal instead. It sinks into the back of the net, and the opposing goalkeeper curses as the boys whirl away to high-five before they’re buried in a crush of their teammates celebrating.