Our Love Story

“She obviously doesn’t know, she just found out,” Ethan says sharply.

“Dude, I’m not an idiot,” Noah growls. “I was just processing out loud.”

Okay, so I was right about tensions mounting with this information dump.

“Do you want to know?” Enzo asks softly. “I mean, what would that mean for all of us?”

I raise my eyebrows not expecting to go there so fast. I realize the paternity is a big part of this equation, but in this instant, I just feel like an idiot. I can’t help it. I burst into tears again.

“What, Chloe?” Ethan asks, kneeling before me, he presses a hand to my cheek, forcing our eyes to meet. “Why are you crying?”

I shake my head, my back falling into the couch cushions, defeated. Closing my eyes, I answer, “Because no one is saying congratulations or this is wonderful; everyone is just kinda freaking out.”

The room goes quiet again and I’m just so exhausted. All I want to do is crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep.

“What did I expect?” I say, pulling myself from the couch and standing. “We’re a complicated relationship that just got a hell of a lot more complicated. I don’t know how to make sense of a baby. I just got used to the idea of us in the real world.”

Ethan clears his throat. “What else aren’t you saying?”

I cover my mouth, wondering how he sees right to my heart. I shake my head, ashamed of my truth. Scared that when I admit what is really freaking me out-- and it isn’t the guys-- that they will be the ones rejecting me.

“I get that this relationship is hard work,” Mason says. “But baby, we’re here for you. Through thick and thin.”

I look Ethan’s way, but by the firm line of his mouth, I wonder if that is actually everyone’s truth.

“Mason’s right,” Enzo adds. “This wasn’t something we had really planned but…”

Noah snorts. “Not really planned? Jesus fucking Christ, Enzo, we don’t even own a house. Or a car. Let alone have time for a freaking baby.”

I raise my eyes, not exactly expecting that outburst but it doesn’t scare me.

In fact, it relieves me. Because those are the exact same fears running through my mind. Pretending this is going to be some sweet-as-pie-happily-ever-after would be living in la-la-land. I’ve never lived in that place. Not as a little girl, and certainly not now. I’m a realist and reality is kicking in really damn fast.

“We don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Chloe just found out she’s pregnant. We have months to get ourselves in order,” Mason says, running a hand through his blond hair. “We don’t need to fight over--”

Ethan cuts him off. “Look, I get what you’re saying, but Chloe isn’t through saying her piece. I can see it in her eyes.”

I swallow. My face is flushed and my eyes so tired.

“He’s right,” I admit. “There is more to this than buying a mini-van and a permanent address.”

“What is it?” Enzo asks. “You can trust us. We love you, more than the stars and the seas.”

I throw my hands in the air, unable to hold back any longer. “Look, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m not ready to be a mom, you guys.” I blink back another onslaught of tears. “I’ve never had one. There’s no way I can do this.”

Then I rush from the room, knowing I’m leaving my men with a pile of unanswered questions, but also knowing that for right now, this is the best I can give them.

Give the truth.Chapter 48CHLOEMaybe it was the heated conversation, but after I leave the living room, and enter my bedroom, all I can think about is getting my mind off our heavy conversation.

Admitting to them that being a mom was the most terrifying thing of all is a relief but I am also on the verge of getting swallowed up in shame. Shouldn’t the prospect of motherhood be the most joyous time of my life? But I’m only twenty-three.

There’s so much I haven’t done or experienced, and a baby has been so far from my radar, that it’s actually a little insane, to be honest. I may have been on the pill, but I have four energetic partners. If a little guy was going to get through, it would be one of their powerful seeds that did the trick.

Still, all I imagine when I think about motherhood is abandonment and there is nothing sexy about that. My mom left me when I was little … never coming back. Maybe it’s in my genes, running from your kids. Maybe I don’t have the DNA to be a constant for a child.

I step into my bathroom and turn on the shower full blast. While the bathroom gets steamy, I brush my teeth and slip out of my clothes, hoping the scorching hot shower can wash away some of my heartache.