Not Meant To Be Broken

Zach nodded, relaxing under my touch, and I realized my hands were still on his chest and shoulder. I dropped them and folded them in my lap. “So you’re giving me a second chance?”

“You never got a first chance to begin with,” I said teasingly. Was this how normal girls my age felt?

He grinned, and warmth filled my stomach. I wanted to kiss him again, but that would contradict what I’d just suggested. “How about we go on a date?” he asked. “Tonight?”

I nodded. I couldn’t believe that going on a date was actually part of my reality now.

Zach

“Tonight,” she agreed. There was a hint of uncertainty on her face. “But I still think we need to talk about things before we go out.”

“Okay, let’s do it then.” Another gust of wind blasted over us and Amber shivered. Normally, I’d have wrapped my arms around her to keep her warm, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her. “Do you want to go inside?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Brian might be home by now and he’ll complicate things.”

I grimaced. I’d forgotten about Brian. He’d be royally pissed if he found out I was going on a date with Amber, and even more pissed when he found out I wanted to take things further with her. “He’ll try to stop us from going out.”

Amber sighed. “I know. But this is my life. I can’t live in a cocoon forever.”

“Brian won’t like it.”

“Oh, he definitely won’t like it, but he’ll deal.” Amber gave a delicate shrug. “So let’s talk.”

I felt oddly nervous. “Brian probably told you that I don’t have a great track record with relationships.”

“He did. So what about Brittany? What’s going on between you two?”

“Nothing.” Amber looked doubtful. “We’ve been seeing each other for about one year, but it’s been only physical. And it wasn’t exclusive, we both saw other people.”

She stared down at her hands. “So it was about sex?”

“Yeah.” I was actually embarrassed. When Amber said it like that, it made me sound like an asshole, which I probably was. “I never found someone I wanted to be serious about.”

“You know I can’t give you what those women did. I want a relationship. I want something that’s meaningful.”

“I want the same,” I said. Reagan had been right. If I didn’t want to be like my father, I’d have to choose a different path. Not the one I’d been treading so far. I’d never liked a girl like I did Amber. But I couldn’t lie to Amber. “I don’t know how good I’ll be at this relationship thing. It’s new for me.”

Amber smiled. “I can’t promise either. It’s new for me as well. I’ve never had a boyfriend.” She swallowed. “Before the incident, I liked a guy but I never got the chance to be with him.”

Anger surged through me when I thought of what had happened to her, but I pushed it aside. “I really want to try.”

“Me too. That’s all we can do. Try.” She searched my face. “You know physical closeness is hard for me. I can’t promise that I’ll ever be ready to sleep with you.” She swallowed. “I don’t even know if I’ll ever be ready to do more than kissing.” Embarrassment twisted her expression.

I didn’t like the thought of never doing more than kissing Amber, but I couldn’t tell her that. “I know. We just have to take our relationship one step at a time.”

“That sounds good. But are you sure you are willing to wait for me to be ready. What about your…” I could tell she was searching for the right wording. “needs or urges?”

I burst out laughing. Amber flushed. “Sorry, but that sounds like I’m some kind of animal who can’t control his urges.”

Something shifted in Amber’s face and my gut tightened in horror. The men who’d raped Amber had been like animals. No worse. Monsters. “Amber. I’m—”

She held up a hand and I shut up. Her chin wobbled as if she was about to lose it. “You’re right. You aren’t an animal. But you have needs.”

“Don’t worry about my needs. I can take care of them.” She frowned. “You know? His right hand is a man’s best friend?” I winked.

Amber choked on a laugh. “Oh, okay. Right. I didn’t think of that. But will that be enough?”

I carefully closed my hand around hers. “Don’t worry. I can handle it.” I was on the verge of laughter again, but I fought it back. “You have to promise that you’ll always tell me when something is too much for you. I don’t want to pressure you.”

She nodded. “I promise. So what are we going to do for our first date tonight?”

“How about watching a movie?”

“I haven’t been in a movie theater in years.” Since the rape, that’s what she didn’t say.

“We can do something else.”

She squeezed my hand. “No, I’d love to watch a movie.”

I couldn’t believe Amber agreed to go out with me after everything Brian had told her, after what she’d witnessed yesterday. I wanted this to work out. I wouldn’t mess up.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Amber

I’d been staring at the display of clothes in my wardrobe for almost thirty minutes and I still wasn’t sure what to wear to the date. I wanted to look nice for Zach. Unfortunately, the majority of clothes I owned were meant to hide my body and make me as inconspicuous as possible. A door fell shut in the apartment and someone stomped past my room. Brian. The way his steps sounded his time with Lauren hadn’t gone too well. He still hadn’t even told me about his girlfriend. I really hoped he wouldn’t make a scene when he found out Zach and I were going out tonight.

I still couldn’t believe that Zach and I wanted to try a relationship. Zach wasn’t perfect, but neither was I. Maybe this was bound to end horribly, but I had to give it a try. Nerves twisted my stomach. I focused on the task at hand and picked out black – not-quite skinny but tighter than my usual style – jeans and a purple tank top I hadn’t ever worn before. I’d bought it online because I loved the color and then I’d never felt comfortable wearing it because it hugged my body in all the places I wanted to hide. I brushed out my hair, put on a light touch of make up and slipped on ballet flats, then I checked my reflection in the floor length mirror attached to the door. It was actually the first time I’d used it.

Taking a deep breath, I left my room and headed toward the living room. Zach was already there. He wore dark jeans and a nice white shirt. He’d rolled up the sleeves, revealing strong forearms and tanned skin. He turned his head and caught me staring. His eyes roamed over me. I wished I knew what he was thinking. “You look beautiful,” he said.

Trying to hide my nervousness, I strode toward him. He held out his hand, palm upward. Without hesitation, I put my hand in his. How could something as simple as holding hands feel so right? I wasn’t sure what it was about Zach that made this possible. I was just glad that he gave me the chance to explore a normal life. Music was blasting from Brian’s room. At least, he wouldn’t try to stop us.

***

We arrived in the parking lot of the movie theater. We’d been holding hands all through the ride and I missed his touch when we let go of each other to get out of the car. The parking lot was crowded with people, mostly our age from what I could see. So many people. I hesitated beside the car. Zach held out his hand and I took it, glad fo

r his presence. I clutched his hand as we approached the movie theater. The inside was brightly illuminated and it was even more crowded than the parking lot. As we entered, noises washed over me. Laughter and conversation. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been surrounded by so many people.

“Do you want popcorn or something else?”

My eyes darted toward the counter. “Popcorn sounds great.” We joined the long line waiting for their turn. A group of high school boys got in line behind us, tall and loud. One of them bumped into me and panic surged through me. I pressed against Zach, seeking his protection.

He shoved the guy back. “Watch it,” he snarled. The boy’s eyes widened, then he exchanged a look with his friends that made it obvious he thought Zach was overreacting, but they all backed a few steps away, giving me more room. Zach was impressive really.

He gazed down at me and whispered, “Are you okay? We can leave if you want.”

“No,” I said. “I’m fine.”

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder protectively. “Too much?”

I smiled. “No.”

In Zach’s arms, the people and the noise weren’t half as scary. His scent and warmth enveloped me in a cocoon of safety. We got our popcorn and then we headed for our seats. The seats beside ours were both occupied, and both with men. Swallowing my rising panic, I sank down. I scooted as close to Zach as possible and he slung his arm around me. His expression was worried as he scanned my face. I forced a smile and eased my head down on his shoulder. The lights went down and the commercials started. Zach rested the popcorn on his lap and our hands kept brushing and every time a small shiver ran through me. Even though I was snuggled up against him and his arm was around my shoulder, those occasional touches felt intimate and thrilling. They stirred something in my belly, made me wonder how his touch would feel in other places, but I had a long way to go before that was an option.

***

After the movie, Zach and I returned to our car and drove home. “I didn’t even think how crowded the movie theater would be,” he said after a while. “Sorry.”