Sinners at the Altar (Sinners on Tour 6)

Chapter Eight

Rebekah stared at the man who’d been her best friend since childhood and decided she didn’t really know him anymore. Or maybe she’d never known him. She’d always thought of him as perfect in every way. Everyone around him had placed him on a pedestal and held him there his entire gifted life. Now that he’d taken a few hits to his ego like everyone else in the world, she decided that she didn’t think less of him. No, now that she could see him as imperfect, she liked him even more.

Isaac took both of her hands in his and gazed deeply into her eyes. “Your husband said I shouldn’t talk about myself today. He said I should focus on you. So here goes.” He took a deep breath. “I’m happy for you, Rebekah. I think you’ve found your match.”

“I don’t mind if you talk about yourself. I know you’re having a rough time. Have you talked to your father since the party?”

He shook his head.

“He’ll come around,” she said. “I’m sure you’re not the first gay man in history to come out to his father and hundreds of onlookers at his surprise fake engagement bash.”

Isaac chuckled, the sound warm and full of heart. “I’d like to meet others who’ve lived through this. Maybe they could tell me what to do with the rest of my life. My plans to take over his practice when he retires have completely fallen through.”

“Well, I can tell you exactly what you should do. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a new dream,” she said. “Do you know how many times my own plans have fallen through? How many times I’ve had to admit defeat? How many times I had to reinvent myself?”

Ever a man of logic, Isaac shifted his gaze to her forehead as he did his mental calculations.

“Uh, six?”

She chuckled. “Something like that. I’ve lost track.”

“How do you do it, Rebekah? I know there had to be times when you just wanted to give up and go into hiding.”

She lifted her eyebrows at him. “Do you really think so?”

He gnawed on his perfect lower lip with his perfect white teeth. “I should have known you’ve never felt that way.”

“I feel that way all the time. I really felt that way this morning,” she said.

“At your screening?”

She nodded, and her eyes filled with tears as a sudden rush of emotion caught her by surprise.

His face went slack. “They found something, didn’t they?” He grabbed her by both shoulders and gave her a shake. “That’s why you got married so quickly. Why you invited me. How bad is it?”

“First, I didn’t invite you, Eric did.” She peeked over Isaac’s shoulder and found Eric smiling and laughing with his friends while he kept half his attention trained on her. “This morning they thought they’d found a spot of cancer growing in my pelvis.”

“Oh God, Reb, why didn’t you call me?”

“Because it was a false alarm. Do you see what you’re doing here?”

He shook his head.

“You’re really good at scraping other people up off the floor when they’re down. But when it’s you who’s taken a hit, you can’t find your bootstraps to pull yourself up. Why is that?”

He shook his head slightly, sending his soft brown curls dancing about his head.

“I don’t know. Maybe because it’s easier to analyze a situation when you’re on the outside looking in.”

“So remove yourself from your situation. Stand outside yourself and look in. What do you want?”

“Trey,” he said without hesitation.

“And if I told you that he’ll never love you?”

Isaac lowered his eyes. “I already know that.”

“So what else do you want?”

“I thought I wanted what my father has: a successful practice, load of cash, a big house with lots of colleagues who pretend they’re my friends. A wife and kids. A killer golf swing. But…”

She squeezed his hands encouragingly, because she already knew Isaac wasn’t much like his father. Never had been, never would be. And he’d never find happiness as long as he chased his father’s dream. He glanced up and met her eyes.

“But?” she prompted.

“When I was in Africa, I felt I was really making a difference. I woke up every morning with purpose and connection. I don’t know. It just felt… right. Like it was what I was supposed to do. My calling. Does that make sense?”

She nodded eagerly. “I feel that way when I mix Sinners’ music. I’ve never felt that way before about anything. That’s why I kept failing at everything I tried before. I hadn’t found my thing. You need to find your thing, Isaac. If it’s in Africa treating patients who can’t afford to pay you in anything but gratitude, then go back. There’s nothing holding you here.”

He glanced at Trey, who was laughing at Jace as he tried to remove the sucker adhered to his jacket between his shoulder blades. Playing his part, Jace spun in one direction and then the other, slapping his back and shoulders as the stick remained just out of reach. But Isaac wasn’t even looking at Jace. He had eyes only for Trey. Trey didn’t seem to know Isaac existed.

Isaac sighed and lowered his gaze to the carpet. “I wish you were wrong about that,” he said, “but you’re not. Trey doesn’t have to get over me. He was never into me at all. He just wanted sex and I gave it to him all too willingly.”

“I know what that’s like,” Rebekah said with a laugh.

Isaac’s head jerked up. “You had sex with him too?”

“Eh, almost,” Rebekah said. “So what are you going to do, Isaac? Do you need a kick in the ass?” She kicked up the hem of her wedding dress. “I’ll do it!”

Isaac stared into nothingness for a moment and then smiled slightly. Nodded slightly. Shook his head. Blew out a breath.

“Isaac!” Rebekah shouted and gave him a shake.

“What?”

His eyes met hers, and she could still see the uncertainty there.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll think about going back to my patients. They do need me far more than anyone here does.”

She wrapped him in her arms and gave him a friendly squeeze. “Don’t think, Isaac. Do.”

“But maybe my father—”

“Stop worrying about what your father thinks of you,” she said. “God knows my mother hates everything about my life, but I have to live the life that makes me happy, not one that satisfies her. You…” She patted his chest. “…need to live the life that makes you happy. Fuck him, Isaac. Fuck him.”

Isaac chuckled, his cheeks slightly flushed. “You’re right. Fuck him. Fuck you, Dad. If you don’t love me for who I am, then I don’t need your approval.”

“That’s right. Feel better?”

He smiled his perfect smile and ran a perfectly manicured hand through a perfectly tamed set of light brown curls. “Yeah, actually. I do.”

“Good, because I really need to be with my husband right now. I hope you understand.”

“I’ve taken too much of your time already.”

“You’re still my bestie, Isaac. Nothing will change that. If you need to talk or need a hug or want to go shopping, I’m here. Just not on my wedding night, okay?”

He laughed. “I’ll miss you,” he said, giving her a hug that forced all the air from her lungs. “While I’m doing my thing in Africa.”

Rebekah hugged him back, hoping Isaac would end up as happy as she was. Yet she kind of doubted it was possible. Her level of happiness was almost criminal.

Chapter Nine

Eric smiled down at his wife when she slid her hand into his and leaned against his upper arm. She gazed up at him with beguiling blue eyes, and he was glad they’d decided to put off the customary reception for a couple of weeks. How did new husbands make it through an entire evening without making love to their women? Maybe that’s where the booze came in.