Duke

“Like hell you are going to be working with him or for him. He is the worst scum you can pick off of the bottom of your shoe in an alley.” The look of shock on my face cannot be stopped, but I try to cover it fast. At least I hope I do, hoping he doesn’t pick up on the fact that his words resonate within me. It actually fits with the way his stare during the interview was making me feel very uneasy. However, the problem right now is this man I have been dreaming about for months. He is standing in front of me, quickly turning what could have been the best surprise date of my life into a disaster.

It takes a minute for me to put my finger on it. It is not his concern or care that bothers me, it is the way he is going about it. He is like my father. My father feels that being a dictator is the best way to keep me in line, and I hate it. I refuse to be put back into that same box, no matter how much he makes me squishy. With that thought in mind, I extricate my arm from his hand and once again signal for a cab.

Immediately a bright yellow cab pulls up to the curb next to me. Before entering, I turn to him and simply say, “The nightcap is out. Have a nice night. Duke.” I get in, shut the door, and let the tears fall.

Do you know how you dream for and about something? You actually long for it. Even going so far as to put things in motion to help get the desired results, only for it to turn out to be nothing like you wanted. When the feeling of failure and disappointment are the emotions are more than overwhelming, to say the least.

I cry the entire cab ride home, positive that he and I are not meant to be. There is nothing that could hurt me more at the moment. After tipping the driver and going inside, I take the elevator up to my place. I open the door and am immediately engulfed in the reality that I am alone. Not just alone, but lonely and miserable. I drag myself away from the door and begin to reluctantly do what I was planning.

After an hour of indecisiveness and still no clothes picked out, I berate myself for being indecisive and letting the evening get to me. Get it together girl. You cannot let one man, no matter how in love you are with him, ruin the first thing you have done for yourself. Pull it together and get your clothes picked out and ready for the first day of your first job.

A little pep talk is exactly what I need besides a knock in the head or maybe the heart would be better. Shaking it off, I finally pick out my outfit, set my alarm, and decide to make myself something to eat. Considering I barely ate anything at dinner it might be wise to get something in my stomach.

Once my frozen leftovers of beef stroganoff is warm, I sit in the living room where my TV turner lands on the Hallmark channel. Great!! Just what I need. There is some girl pining in secret for some guy who is oblivious to her love and dedication to him. Then, it is almost too late, and he just barely grabs her before he loses her. I should have turned to the Investigation Discovery channel instead. But of course, I’m a glutton for punishment. Which is how I end up on the couch, tissues laying everywhere, and my face covered in snot, blotchy, and red.

The movie ends, my dinner is forgotten, and I am exhausted. Plus, I’m emotionally drained. I turn off the TV and start to head towards my bedroom when I hear what I think is a knock at the door. Immediately I wish it would be him but shake my head from that sort of fantasy real quick. Going to the door, I open it without thinking. My mouth falls open as I look at the caramel morsel, I would love to taste more than the new Hershey bar I saw in the store.

“What are you doing here?” I wish I could stop the moan taking over my voice right now, but fuck, have you ever had caramel syrup on a sundae? Exactly. I am in so much trouble.Chapter NineDukeAs soon as she is in the cab, I know I’ve fucked up, and bad. I don’t understand what I was thinking when I let my mouth go on the way it did. It comes down to the fact that I had to know what the fuck she was doing with that douche. Now that I know, I still don’t like it.