More Than Him

Laying here in his arms, I allow myself to relish in it. I am trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay. I almost succeed until he kisses my forehead and I lose it. Burying my head in his chest, I cry for the loss of what we had, for the uncontrollable need I have for him that has never gone away and for the uncertainty of the future. He rubs my head for a few minutes, telling me to stop crying and how much he missed me. “Please stop crying baby. It's going to be ok. Look at me.” he says, pulling my chin up. Will you listen to me?” he asks, giving me a chance to nod. “There was never any engagement, Lani. My mother has been under the delusion that she could arrange a marriage like my parents had and despite how much I told her it wasn’t going to happen even before you came in my life and added meaning, she kept insisting. When she found out about you, this sent her into overdrive and she was determined to undermine what we had. She is angry, baby, because she knows I am in love with you and it destroyed her carefully laid plans. You have to believe me. I would NEVER betray you that way.” His eyes never leave mine and in them, I see the truth.

“I believe you, Dun,” I say because I do.

“Now tell me, did you know you were pregnant when you disappeared from my life?” I bite my lip unable to look at him. I simply nod, shame filling my heart.

“How could you leave and not tell me, Lani. Don’t you think I had a right to know? Were you ever planning on telling me?”

“I swear I was. But believing you never loved me and I was just some fling, I needed time to become strong enough to face you and not fall apart. I was waiting until I could not love you,” I tell him honestly.

“You know that was never going to happen, don’t you? We are soulmates. We are so far embedded in one another that we could never live without one another. This baby is evidence of our love, baby. Our hearts made this little being you are keeping safe for us. Nothing can destroy that type of love and devotion.” My heart leaps at his words.

“A boy,” I say looking up at him. “We are having a boy.” I swear his chest puffs out as he kisses me and moves to my stomach.

“My son. Daddy loves you, baby boy.” And just like that, the last brick falls. Now what?Chapter TenLailaniThey say that everything looks different in the light of day and that is what I find myself waking up to this morning. Being wrapped in his arms feels better than I want to admit, but now that I have had a chance to allow the last few months to sink in, the lingering question is why didn’t he refute all she was saying that day? He literally said nothing. Isn’t that an admission of guilt? Also, why was I a secret the whole time? Sure, we went out to dinner and to the movies and such, but it was always places where no one would recognize him. At least that is how it feels. He could have just as easily introduced me to his mother, showed her I was important to him and left it at that, but he did none of the above and now that he is here telling me all of this, I don’t know how to process it.

Looking at his gorgeous, rugged face one more time, I roll over and get out of bed, needing to get ready for work. In the shower washing off the nights escapades, I can't help but feel sad. It’s like washing off the remnants of him, is essentially washing away the promises and declarations. Choosing not to think about it any longer than I have to, I get out and go into the bedroom to put my uniform on. When I enter the room, he is awake and leaning against the headboard. “Come back to bed, baby. You are messing with our morning ritual. I have been deprived for too long.” Squish. Damn man. Less than twenty words from him, and my shower was in vain.

“I can’t. I have to get ready for work.”

“Considering all we have missed and still need to work out, can’t you take the day off?” he asks, the expectancy in his voice only fueling my refusal.

“No,” I say simply. Grabbing my uniform, I pull it up my body and button it up.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he growls.

“My work uniform,” I answer looking down at myself. It’s not like I am showing anything inappropriate.