Not My Hero

Colton holds me while Cassie makes the call. When she’s done, she turns her gaze to us. “Why don’t you both change out of your uniforms.” Her eyes go to the untouched bowls of oatmeal. “I’ll clear the table.”

Colton keeps an arm around me as we leave the kitchen. After walking into my room, Colton rubs his hand gently up and down my back. “Change into something comfortable. Okay?”

I nod, and when he leaves the room, shutting the door, I can only manage to stare blankly in front of me.

I’m more upset about the relief I feel than the fact that my mother is dead.

All she did was break me down. She buried me in abhorrence and cruelty. Not once did she care how I felt.

‘I’ll drown you.’

‘I’ll throw you off Devil’s Bluff.’

How am I supposed to mourn the person who made my life a living hell?COLTONI change into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and rush out of my room.

Knocking on Brie’s door, I wait a moment before I slowly push the door open. She’s still standing right where I left her, just staring at nothing.

Walking to her dresser, I open the drawers until I find her sweatpants and pull them out. I also grab a shirt and place the items on the bed before taking hold of Brie’s arm. “Come on. Change into these. I’ll wait right outside your door.”

Her actions are lethargic as she nods while shrugging out of her jacket.

I go to stand outside Brie’s room, feeling worried about her. I wish I could just wrap her up in my heart and stop anything from ever hurting her again.

This sucks.

Mom comes up the stairs, and when she reaches me, she whispers, “How are you holding up?”

I shrug. “I’m just worried about Brie. I wish I could make it all better.”

“I know.” Mom squeezes my arm lovingly. “All you can do is to be there for her.”

I nod just as Brie’s door opens. Both Mom and my gazes turn to Brie. She first glances at Mom then at me, and her eyes are filled with the same pain they always carried when I met her.

Brie’s mother dying, must’ve yanked the scabs off all her wounds.

Mom reacts before I can and wraps an arm around Brie’s shoulders. With everything fresh in Brie’s mind, I worry it will make her panic, but instead, she turns into Mom as her face crumbles.

“Shh… everything will be okay,” Mom coos.

A sob tears from Brie, and my muscles tighten with the need to comfort her. Guiding Brie back into her room, Mom keeps whispering soothing words. I hear her whisper, “Lie down, sweetie.”

No matter how much I want to try to help Brie, deep down, I know she needs my mom more.

I watch them lie down, and Brie curls up into a ball in Mom’s arms. Having to do something, I say, “I’ll make us some coffee.”

Walking to the kitchen, I keep trying to think of a way to make Brie feel better. I make the coffee and placing the mugs on a tray, I carry it to Brie’s room and set it down on the bedside table.

Screw this.

I walk around the bed to the side Brie’s on and lie down behind her. I place my arm over both of them and press a kiss to Brie’s shoulder blade.

God, this is unbearable. Seeing someone you love with all your heart hurt so much is just… torture.

“Cry, sweetie. Let it all out,” Mom keeps whispering.

The sun slowly inches its way through the room as we hold Brie.Chapter 22BRIEDear me,

My mother died. I guess that’s why I didn’t hear from her again.

Shouldn’t I feel bad? Or at least a little sad?

All I feel is… relief. Does that make me a bad person? Does it mean I’m like her?

Her funeral is tomorrow, and I really don’t want to go. How am I supposed to mourn someone who never showed me any kind of love?

I only remember the hate. I keep seeing the spite in her eyes and the disdain pulling at her mouth.

I can’t remember a single smile.

Not one hug.

Should I pretend to mourn her so people won’t judge me for being an awful daughter? There’s a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach just thinking about going to the funeral.

I know this makes me an awful person, but at least I’ll be done with her once and for all after tomorrow.

I’m sorry I feel this way.

B.We spent the whole day in bed on Thursday. Friday and yesterday, Colton and I watched one movie after the other while Cassie supplied us with comfort food.

The house, Colton, and Cassie have become a safe haven for me. It feels like as long as I stay here, no one will be able to hurt me.

I sit down on the couch and stare at the coffee table. Memories from the past eighteen years keep haunting me.