Not My Hero

Brie’s eyes begin to shine, and she swallows hard.

Knowing I’m finally getting her to understand, I continue, “I blamed myself for Brady’s death.”

Brie instantly begins to shake her head, but I reach for her hand, saying, “Let me finish.” When she nods, I admit, “The night Brady committed suicide was the first time I left him alone to face our father.”

Sitting with Brie as dusk sets in, I allow my thoughts to return to that night, and the familiar crippling sorrow seeps into my heart.

“Brady was upset because his girlfriend wanted to take their relationship to the next level. He felt he needed to tell her about our father before they did… the deed. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want her to see him as less. It really got to him.”

Understanding settles in Brie’s eyes. It’s so easy to talk to her because we’re kindred souls.

“My father overheard us talking and took it as an opportunity to lay into Brady.”

‘I told you you’ll never be good enough for the likes of Jade Daniels. She needs a man with an actual set of balls and not some pussy.’

The words shudder through me as if my father’s here, saying them now. “I’ll never forget the hurt on Brady’s face, and I know my brother believed every word my father spewed, no matter what I said,” I admit to Brie.

‘Stop it!’ I shout, and taking a step closer to our father, I fist my hands at my sides. ‘What the hell is wrong with you? How can you say that to Brady? He’s your son!’ Enraged by the hurt, he caused my brother, the self-control I always have begins to slip.

“I lost my temper.” Lifting my eyes to Brie’s face, I see she’s totally focused on me before I lower my gaze back to the grass. “I was always the patient one. I took the brunt of his rages so Brady and my mom wouldn’t have to. But that night… I lost it.”

‘Who the hell do you think you are?’ he shouts back, spittle flying from his mouth. Raising his arm, he’s just about to hit me when I lift my own and block the blow.

I step right up to him, and we come eye to eye as I hiss, “I’m your son. Brady’s your son.’ My body trembles as I cling to the last of my self-restraint. ‘You treat us worse than dogs. You’re not a man.’ I shake my head as disgust for him wells in my chest. ‘You’re nothing more than a coward who beats his own family.’

He shoves me back, but I manage to catch myself from losing my balance. Standing my ground, my eyes burn on him with hatred. ‘You’re nothing but a sick fuck.’

He lets out a growl as he storms me. The force from the blow of his body slamming against mine knocks me into the wall. His fist connects with my side, and it makes a sharp, burning sensation spread through my insides.

“Things got really bad,” I murmur as the night keeps playing out in my mind like a bad movie. I let out a heavy breath. “I would’ve killed him if I I’d stayed at home.” I shake my head as the weight of my decision settles heavily on my shoulders. “So, I left. I just walked around the town until I felt calmer.” Lifting my eyes to Brie, remorse squeezes at my heart. “By the time I got home, Brady had already shot himself.”

Walking up the street I live in, I see emergency lights flashing up ahead. Instantly apprehension ripples through me, and I break out into a run.

Reaching the driveway, a police officer tries to stop me, but shouting, “I live here,” I manage to get past him and run over the lawn to the front door.

Fear prickles over my skin, and one thought after the other flash through my mind.

Did he hurt Brady? Or my mother?

Shit, I shouldn’t have left.

I dart into the house and up the stairs. The first thing I see is Mom standing by the bathroom with an officer. There are tears streaming down her face, and she looks like she’s seen a ghost.

There’s no sign of my father, and I hear voices coming from Brady’s room. Walking closer, someone says, “You can’t go in there.”

“It’s my brother’s room,” I snap, pushing past the officer who just addressed me.

My eyes land on the bed, and it takes a long second for the sight to make sense. It looks like Brady’s just staring up at the ceiling. Only there’s blood. So much blood. The iron scent hangs thick in the air, and it begins to suffocate me, filling my stomach with bile.

I somehow manage to walk a little closer before I’m stopped by an officer. His arm wraps around me as I stare at my brother’s lifeless eyes.