Doctor Dearest

I have too much on my mind, too much back and forth about whether or not I should have just called out to Natalie before she left this morning and forced her to confront me. Maybe she thinks I’m still angry about last night. Maybe I am still angry about last night.

I hit the gym after I leave the meeting, and that helps clear my head a little. When I check my phone in my locker after I’m finished, I have a text and a missed call from another attending at the hospital. I check the text first.

Brent: Any chance you could possibly help cover my call this afternoon? My wife just called and she’s got a stomach bug. She needs my help with the kids. Let me know. It’s been a breeze this morning. You could probably head home once you finish afternoon rounds.His text is a welcome invitation. Work is exactly where I want to be right now.

I immediately call him back and tell him I can be on my way in thirty minutes. In my rush to shower and change and get to the hospital, I get another call. I assume it’s Brent wanting to go over a patient with me before I take over, but it’s Noah.

I’m due in the BICU any minute. In fact, I’m about to cross the street and walk through the revolving front door of the hospital. I think about ignoring his call but then groan and answer.

“Hey man.”

“Connor, what’s up? I’ve tried to get through to Natalie all morning, but she hasn’t picked up. Everything good?”

I wipe my hand down my face, not quite sure I have the mental dexterity to carry on a conversation like this with Noah. What would he do if he knew what Natalie and I did last night? Kill me, obviously. I haven’t decided how I’ll handle things with him. Before last night, I contemplated telling him the truth, but now the truth would set him off. The truth is sweaty and pulse-pounding and not PG-rated. The truth is not happening.

“Yeah, it’s fine. We had that fundraiser last night. Maybe she’s getting a late start.”

Or maybe she’s still running from her problems out on the sidewalks of Boston.

“You’re not at the townhouse with her?”

He sounds concerned.

“No. I’m heading into work. Brent called and needed someone to cover for him.”

He chuckles. “Of course you volunteered. They need to just slap your name on the front door at this point.”

“Uh-huh,” I say, looking across the street to confirm the coast is clear before setting out.

“Anyway, if you see Natalie, let her know I called to check in. Nothing important, just lonely out on the road.”

“You aren’t going to cry are you?”

He laughs. “C’mon. Can’t I say I miss you guys? Living out of a hotel room sucks.”

“Yeah, I don’t envy you.”

I stall out on the sidewalk in front of the hospital entrance. I don’t want to carry this phone call with me into the lobby. Voices echo. People are trying to work. Families are sitting in the foyer, awaiting news of their loved ones. It’d be rude.

“Things going okay there? You’re keeping an eye on Natalie, right? Keeping her close?”

I nearly choke.

“She’s a grown-up, Noah. She doesn’t need a babysitter.”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. Old habits die hard and all that. Just do me a favor and be nice to her while I’m gone, okay? Nicer than you usually are.”

“I’m nice to her,” I say, suddenly defensive.

“You tolerate her at best. Natalie tells me when I leave you guys alone in a room together you barely speak two words. I’ve seen it myself. What is it, anyway? You like her, don’t you?”

I swallow a groan and grip the phone so tight I wouldn’t be surprised to find my fingers have left indentions. “Hey—I’m standing outside the hospital and really need to head in. Can we get into this another time?”

Say, never?

“Sure. Yeah. Say hi to everyone for me. I’ll catch you soon.”

I feel like a prick as I walk inside. I’m lying to my best friend. He thinks I barely tolerate his sister. He’s warning me to be nice to her. If he knew the truth, he’d fly straight home and wrap his hands around my neck, no doubt about it. My iPhone wouldn’t be the only thing sporting damage.

I’m screwing this up. In my attempt to control this unshakable desire I feel toward Natalie, I’m letting my emotions get the better of me. I shouldn’t have taken things so far last night. I should have kissed her, sure, but not had sex with her, not used her in that room and then yelled at her at the townhouse after. She was scared…scared and exposed. Sure, my ego was bruised, but she’s more important than my ego.

In my defense, I didn’t think things would go that far. Not even in my wildest dreams. I expected her to outright turn me down last night when I whispered that proposition in her ear. So when she let me kiss her in the hall and then let me drag her into that empty study room, I got greedy. I set out to prove to her how insufficient one night would be, and I failed miserably.