Fake It 'Til You Break It

“I didn’t say any of that to take away from what’s happened. Trent should have told you a long time ago, and if not that, then Demi should have before you two started dating. It wasn’t fair how they went about it, and I’m sorry you found out how you did.”

I nod, sighing into the line.

“Now, tell me the truth, how much of an asshole were you?”

I laugh and she follows.

“Talk to them, Nic. If you’re hurting, they are, too. That sucks for everyone.”

“Thanks, Krista.”

I hang up, take a deep breath and drive home.

I head straight for the shower when I get inside, but my mom’s soft hums has me poking my head back out and walking to her room.

Concern pulls at my gut when I find her on the floor, surrounded by papers, a loopy smile on her face.

I drop beside her. “Ma?”

“Nikoli,” she rasps, her palm coming up to slide down my cheek. “You’re home.”

“What is all this, Ma?”

Her hand falls, and she looks to the mess. “He’s promised to take care of us.”

I pull back, slowly pushing to my feet. “What’d you do, Ma?”

“Your father. He came with papers from lawyers, had everything ready for me, wasn’t that nice of him?”

“No.”

Tears fill her eyes and she smiles weakly. “He’s letting us come live with him. Isn’t that great? We’ll be a family again.”

“Please, no.” I run my hands down my face and get back on my mom’s level. “Tell me you didn’t give him the house? Tell me you didn’t sign anything without me here?”

She tilts her head. “You know he only comes to see me when you’re gone.”

“Fuck!” I start pacing the room. “He screwed you, I know it.”

“No, no... he loves me, Nico. He’ll take care of us.”

I shake my head. “Like he’s been taking care of us, Ma? He steals from you, and keeps you so doped up you don’t even realize it.”

She looks to the wedding ring she refuses to take off. “He’s good to me, makes sure I have the medicine I need.”

“You aren’t sick!” I yell. “Not in the way he’s made you believe.” I drop beside her, grabbing her hands gently. “Ma, you lost your husband, and it broke you. You’re sad, depressed, and that’s okay. I get it, I swear. I tried to find someone to help you, remember? But you only wanted him, and he used that to control you.”

“You’re wrong. He cares. He pays our bills.”

“With your money,” I stress gently. “And now you probably just gave him control of everything.”

“It’ll all be okay, son,” she whispers, her eyes growing tired, whatever fucking cocktail he cooked up for her when he was here obviously kicking in. “He promised me.”

I glare at her, having so much more to say, but unable to let the words out.

She’s fucked up, he’s in her head, and she doesn’t want to know the truth.

What’s she gonna do when I’m gone next year?

I wasn’t sure how I’d leave before, but I really can’t get out of here if she has no place to go.

That’s got to be why he’s doing this.

Her head tilts up a little, and she smiles at me.

I swallow my sigh, moving forward to scoop her in my arms, and gently place her on the bed.

She pats my cheek, her eyes already closed. “My sweet, sweet boy, I love you so much.”

My chest grows tight.

I want to shake her, hug her, her to hug me back, instead I look down at her from the bedside.

“Love you, Ma,” I whisper, but she doesn’t hear me.

She’s already knocked out.

I turn off her light and bypass the shower, stumbling my way down the stairs, and out the back door.

Before I realize what I’m doing or where I’m going, I’m already shoving open the gate connecting Demi’s yard to mine.

I spot her instantly through the large window, little and perfect and not quite mine.

She’s in her kitchen, pulling something down from the cupboard when her head snaps my way, her eyes locking on mine through the glass.

She takes me in, still half dressed in my gear, and worry clouds her eyes.

I need you, baby.

She rushes for the sliding door, pushing it open right as I reach it.

“Neek—”

I cut her off by slamming my mouth into hers.

Her lips tighten a moment, but she gives in the very next, letting me take what I want from her.

What I need from her.

Every little bit she’ll allow and more.

Her arms wrap around me as I scoop her up and walk us backward toward the stairs, kicking my cleats off as I step.

I drop her on top of the small table near the foot of the stairs so I can kiss her better, dive deeper into her mouth, and then she tears away, dropping her head back as she gasps for air.