Wrong For Me

“Make your move, Oakley,” he tells me, completely monotone, giving me nothing as far as deciphering his feelings goes.

Weighted with confusion and no understanding of my own indecisions, I walk away from Alec, joining Rowan in my room.

When I enter, Rowan stops pacing and looks to me. “I hate him being here.”

“Really?” I raise an eyebrow. “I couldn’t tell.”

“It’s not right, Oakley. He shouldn’t be here.” He picks up my phone from the nightstand, shaking it at me. “I called you. Four times.” He glares. “When you didn’t pick up or call back—completely out of character for you—I had to come over here. I fucking knew he’d be—” He cuts himself off, swallowing as he looks away.

But, now, I have questions of my own.

I slowly drop onto my bed, eyeing Rowan. “He’d … what, Rowan?”

“Nothing. He’s getting too comfortable here, Oakley. It’s … tell him to go. I’ll come stay.”

My brows jump. “You want to come stay? Rowan, you don’t even like staying here.”

“That’s not the point.”

A humorless laugh leaves me. “Yes, it is. Someone was in my house, Rowan. I don’t want to be here alone. Yeah, Alec wouldn’t have been my first choice”—my brows lift—“not even my last at the time, but at least I know he’ll still be here when I wake up.”

Rowan’s brows pinch, his upper lip curling. “He left you here alone the night someone was here!”

“He thought I was with you! He never would have left if he’d known you were going to pull your late-night disappearing act on me!”

He scowls at me and goes to speak but shakes his head instead.

He licks his lips, still staring out the window. “You said, ‘at the time,’ he wouldn’t have been your last choice. How ’bout now, Oaks?” Tortured honey eyes meet mine. “Where’s he fall in your lineup a whole three weeks later?”

“I …” I look to my hands, picking at the green polish.

Do I know the answer to that question?

I’m not even sure I realized I’d said it.

Would Alec still be my last choice?

No.

Would he be my first?

I lift my eyes to Rowan. “I know he and I have had issues, but I … trust he’ll do the right thing. I can’t explain it, Row, but I feel safe with him here. Yeah, it’s different, and there’s little to no privacy, but we’re both at work the majority of the time, so it’s not so bad.”

“Yeah, you work at the same place during the same times. You’re with each other twenty-four/fucking-seven.”

“What’s your problem, Rowan?” I narrow my eyes. “I get you two don’t get along like brothers should, and yeah, you were around when Alec picked on me as kids, but we’re adults now. Can’t we move past that?”

Rowan shakes his head. “I won’t let him win, Oakley.” Finally, he swings his eyes to mine. “I didn’t then, and I won’t now.”

“Win what?” I yell.

Rowan looks away, refusing to give me anything else. “Walk me out, Oak?” he asks with his back to me.

I rise and silently follow him to the door, catching Alec’s eyes on my way.

He quickly stands from his bed, but I keep walking behind Rowan.

When we reach the door, he takes a second and then turns to me. I take a deep breath, reading the turmoil in his eyes.

He’s going to kiss me. I know it.

It’s written in the wrinkle of his eyes, but the dip of his brow tells me it’s not for my benefit, not because he wants to.

My friend, the man I’ve told myself I’ve loved all these years, is about to use me. All to get to another.

I can’t let him. For our friendship’s sake.

So, when he gently grips my neck, bringing his face closer to mine, I close my eyes and whisper, “Don’t do it, Row. Not like this. It isn’t fair.”

“Fair?” he hisses back, anger and distress driving his voice. “I can’t keep him from you if he’s here with you, Oakley. That’s not fair.”

When my hands rise to cover his, his start to shake. After a moment, he lets go, turns, and walks out without another word.

Once the door is closed and locked, I sag against the frame, tears building in my eyes.

I’m angry, confused.

How dare he.

I’ve waited years for this, for him. Waited for him to take charge, take me, and never once did it feel close.

Now, here he is, irrationally upset over something I can’t exactly control and using it as fuel to light his own fire to push himself toward me. But he doesn’t see he’s driving me the other way.

I want Rowan all in for me, not because he feels threatened by another.

I should have noticed it earlier, but apparently, I’m blind.

Alec shows up, and suddenly, Rowan is all over me. Publicly claiming me, touching me when he knows another man’s eyes are on me. It’s devastating to realize I wasn’t enough to light him up before.