Wrong For Me

Much like recently when Alec came back.

God, I’m an idiot.

It was never about us with Rowan. It was about keeping me from Alec.

He was using me to show Alec that he would never let him win.

But this isn’t a game, and I’m not a prize.

I love Rowan, he means the world to me, but I won’t do this back and forth with him. Not when there’s room for so much more.

Alec wants it, and I just might give it to him.Chapter ThirteenOakleyI chew my lip as the last three recruits begin testing, Rowan being one of them.

I know he’s been nervously awaiting today, as he’s had trouble with this particular drill over the last few weeks. I’m starting to wonder if the pressure of written exams is getting to him as he tries and tries but still can’t get it right.

Unfortunately, today is looking to be no different. Right off the bat, he struggles with proper form.

I peek at Alec, and like I knew it would be, his frown is on Rowan. He only watches for a moment before his attention shifts to the other two recruits also being tested.

“You’re set to carry a twenty-four-foot, one-hundred-twenty-pound ladder on your shoulder. Use your ergonomic training to lift properly. Call out your movements.”

Two call out their positions, giving a play-by-play of their steps and assessment of the area.

Rowan gets his ladder positioned, and when he stands, turning to head for the wall, I wince.

“Your moves, recruit,” Alec reminds him. “What are you looking for?”

Rowan continues forward, growling, “Electrical hazards.”

“Let it be known. When you’re on a job, your team needs to be aware of all possible dangers.”

Rowan makes it to the deposit point, but I instantly see his error and have to look away. His ladder is only two-and-a-half feet from the wall when it’s supposed to be a full three. An automatic fail.

Alec’s eyes cut to mine and then back. Neither of us corrects him. This is something we’ll go over in one-on-one evals.

The first of the two finishes at four minutes and forty-two seconds.

Rowan and the last student, Jayden, are at the same point. They begin tying the halyard, the rope connected to the ladder that helps secure it in place.

Jayden steps back first and then Rowan, and I stop the clock, three seconds past the allotted time.

Alec’s eyes expectantly meet mine.

“Five three.” I glance at Rowan, and his shoulders drop a fraction of an inch.

He lets out a quiet curse and stomps to the back sidewall where he grabs water with the rest of the group.

With a sigh, I slide off my stool, Alec falling in line beside me.

“It’s sad,” Alec spits in a whisper. “How your attention’s glued to him.”

He never reacts like a normal human when Rowan’s involved, so I ignore his comment, not taking my eyes off Rowan. “I want to help him.”

“Course you fucking do.”

“He wants this, Alec.”

“Yeah?” He leans in some, whispering in my ear, “Well, not everything we want is so easily obtained, Oakley.”

I turn to glare at Alec, but my gaze is pulled to the boys goofing off in the corner.

“Please. You’re wound tight, Daniels.”

Rowan chuckles, one hand on his hip, the other squirting water into his mouth. He shrugs a shoulder.

“Oakley!” Gio shouts. “Rowan here needs some aid.”

When I pop an eyebrow, Rowan chuckles through a grin.

“He could use a good night in with his girl.”

I tilt my head, grinning through nerves. “I guess he’d better find himself one then, huh?”

As soon as the words leave me, Alec goes stiff at my side.

When Gio gives an awkward laugh, my eyes shift to Rowan, finding the frown I knew would be there. Slowly, his eyes move from mine to the man beside me and back.

For the first time in all our years of friendship, I’m the one to squash the rumor. I blew away the smoke that had been fogging the line we’d been walking for years. In front of his friends. In front of Alec.

For Alec?

Rowan’s brows pull in again, but this time, it’s different. Pinched tight around the edges, his light-brown eyes hold mine.

It’s clear the second he sees it—the shift—and his eyes slope at the edges.

But, before anyone catches on, he laughs it off, playfully shoving Gio. “Let’s hit the showers before we get our asses chewed, fellas.” And, with that, he’s gone, the remaining stragglers following behind.

Once the door clicks shut, I lick my lips, inhaling deeply, right as Alec’s front hits my back.

“Turn around,” he whispers with gentle force.

My eyes close. “Not now. Not here,” I whisper back, a light shudder running through me when his deep inhale has his strong chest pressing into my back.

Before he can respond, because I know he will, I break away and head straight for the doors. I don’t dare look back at the man behind me as I rush to my car for a quiet, solo lunch.