Wrong For Me

“You let a murdering lunatic come live in our home, the daughter of the madman you got messed up with.”

“I didn’t know he moved her in—”

“I tried to tell Havannah.”

“I turned off her phone.”

“You’re not her father or her keeper!” Tears threaten to spill. I’m being irrational, but I’m pissed and hurt and so fucking confused.

I can’t help but feel like the all-around odd man out, and it’s not right.

My dad and Alec had a secret they kept from me, one that could have cost me my life and almost cost my dad’s life. There were plenty of chances for them to come clean, but both chose to keep me in the dark.

Now, I know my dad and Havannah had a secret while I was stuck here, trying to both honor and mourn my dad at the same time. Fighting myself to be strong when I felt weak, make him proud when I felt nothing but shame, all while he was well and alive and with her.

To know so much could have been avoided, that my dad and Alec could have chosen to trust me. That the heavy weight of betrayal I carried day in and out, thinking Alec had not only let me down but that my dad had also died, trusting in him enough to will him his legacy and home. That Havannah could have found a way to tell me. All those things mixed together are a heavy load to carry on my own. I can hardly breathe.

Havannah finally looks up, and the tears clouding my eyes match hers. I can’t say I understand it all or that I’ll forgive and forget so easy, but maybe now isn’t the time to get into that.

Maybe we all need a little while to process.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

She gives a small, regretful smile.

“You’re right, Oakley,” my dad speaks softly. “And I’m sorry, but I can’t say for sure that I wouldn’t do it again.”

“How’d you know to come home last night?” I ask him.

“The safe. I can remotely access it from my email. After that first week, I logged in and updated the information, so it was attached to Hillock’s old account, and I knew it was a safe move.” He sits back in his chair. “I changed the password to Marissa’s name, and then I waited for you to be ready to find the answers. When you guessed the code right, like I had known you would, I got the email and knew you’d confront Alec tonight. I needed to be there, so we hopped in the car and headed this way. What I hadn’t expected was it to be the same night Marissa realized she was nothing more than a stepping-stone in Alec’s eyes.” He squints. “How did she find out?”

“I wasn’t thinking,” I admit, looking away. “I left my bag in my room, and she went through it.”

When my dad doesn’t respond right away, I glance back.

His eyes are soft around the edges, and he leans forward. “She had to have known before last night—maybe not everything, but she suspected; I’m sure of it. Something she found must have set her off.”

My bottom lip starts to tremble, and he nods, moving to squeeze my hand.

He knows.

Call it father’s intuition. Somehow, he knows there was more at risk than my and Alec’s lives last night.

I could have lost the baby.

Marissa had to have seen the pregnancy test nestled between my sweatshirts, just beneath the files. I planned to toss them out in the dumpster at the academy the following day, but she found them first. As conniving as she is, there’s no way she didn’t tell him, if only to be the one to say it before me.

“She could have killed us all.” I blankly stare at him, and he nods, guilt in his eyes. “And I can’t decide if it would have been your fault, his … or mine.”

“Baby girl …” His voice breaks as his grip tightens.

The tears won’t stay in now and freely run down my face.

Rowan moves to sit beside me on the bed, his hand finding my shoulder, and I break, crying into my palms.

This is all so crazy. I’m overwhelmed.

My dad is alive, Alec is alive, and Rowan made it out, unharmed. Havannah didn’t abandon me but was helping my father heal, and I’m … I’m gonna be a mom.

My baby, so small and defenseless, made it through … no thanks to me.

A good mother would have left to protect her unborn child when the threat became clear, wouldn’t she have?

God, my emotions are all over the place. I’m so fucking grateful right now, but I can’t help but think none of this would have had to happen if everyone had been honest with me from the start.

But would I be sitting here with a little one growing inside me if they had?