The Boy Who Has No Belief (Soulless 7)

“You think you’ll get married?”

I nodded. “Someday.”

“You think you’ll get married when I’m still living here?”

“I really don’t know, Lizzie. But if that’s not something you want, we won’t do it. You’re the most important thing in my life. You come first.” I wanted her to know that no matter how much I loved him, I would never love him more than her, that she was always top tier and he was second tier.

Lizzie didn’t have a reaction to that. “Okay.” She seemed totally fine with it, relaxed, like Derek wasn’t an intruder in our lives, but a positive addition.

I couldn’t believe how easy this was. “Okay?”

“Yeah. What more do you want me to say about it?”

“I just… I wasn’t expecting this to be so easy for you. Our lives have been the same for a really long time, and now things are changing.”

“I guess I don’t see it that way. Some of my teachers and my counselors are negative and cold, and some of my friends’ parents suck, and Derek is like the best teacher I’ve ever had. He’s always positive and understanding, and when I read what he wrote in his book to you…the guy seemed harmless. There’s just a lot of dicks out of there, and he’s not one of them. I’m excited to have him around more. I guess that’s why it so easy for me.”

The reason this was working so well was because of Derek, because of who he was. He showed Lizzie what he showed me, that he was innately kind, innately loving, innately phenomenal…and earned her approval. This never would have worked with another guy. Lizzie would have been cold and suspicious and rejected anyone who came into our lives.

But not Derek.Derek got into the car the next morning. “How’d it go with Lizzie last night?”

“Great. She’s totally fine with it.”

He nodded. “That’s great.”

“I can’t believe she bulldozed you like that, though. I expected her to come after me first.”

“She said she wanted to question me because I was the one who wrote in the book.”

I nodded slowly. “I guess that makes sense.”

Derek drank from his coffee then opened his satchel as usual.

“I feel so much better about everything. I can’t believe this is happening.”

He turned back to me. “Lizzie is a selfless and mature young lady. She’s definitely more aware than other twelve-year-olds, at least it seems that way. She must get it from you. She’s watched you selflessly take care of your parents, put other people before yourself, always be there for her…and now she understands that she needs to be selfless for you.”

I was far prouder of that than any of the A’s she got. “Yeah.”

He pulled out his paperwork and got to work.

“Would you want to come over on Saturday night?” I asked. “Have dinner with us, watch TV…sleep over.” I wanted to spend more of my nights with him, and now that Lizzie was okay with it, I could finally have what I wanted. I didn’t have to spend every weekend away from him. We could finally spend time together.

He turned back to me. “Yes.”

“And now that we can see each other on the weekends, you can change your schedule back.” I hadn’t wanted him to change his life around for me in the first place. Now he could have that time back.

He shook his head and looked down at the paperwork. “No. I enjoy those mornings too much to give them up.”As the day passed, Derek became more irritable.

It was written all over his face.

When Jerome and Pierre asked him something, his responses became shorter. His jaw tightened, and there were times when his eyes wandered to the surface of the table, just staring and not actually doing anything.

He said there was someone he dreaded seeing that evening, but dread wasn’t the right word.

Loathe was more appropriate.

I’d already asked him once and he didn’t share the specifics, so I wouldn’t ask him again.

He left when Jerome and Pierre left for the day, which was early for him, probably because he needed to be on time to this get-together. We left in the golf cart, not saying a word to each other, and the rest of the drive was spent in the exact same capacity.

I knew his unease had nothing to do with me, so I didn’t take it personally, but I missed his affectionate ways. I wished we could spend our time celebrating our victory rather than in discomfort.

We pulled up to his building, and he grabbed his satchel.

It seemed like he might leave without saying goodbye.

“Derek?”

He turned back to me, like he’d forgotten I was there. He stared at me, his brown eyes a little hostile.

“It’ll be fine, Derek. Just get through it, and it’ll be over.”

His eyes relaxed slightly.

“If it’s obvious to me that you’re this furious, it’ll be obvious to everyone else.”