Perfect Chaos

Call me underhanded, call me stupid, call me whatever you want to call me. I don’t care. I want to be the man who erases every lingering, nasty memory of her ex. But most of all, I want her to know that she can trust me.

I start walking back, slowly and carefully, my foot feeling for the first step. I take it, concentrating on maintaining her distraction, kissing her madly.

Like when he kisses you, nothing else exists.

Including fear.

I take another step, calculating in my mind at what point Lainey might feel the water and jump from my arms. Her ankles are linked around my waist. Two more steps and she’ll feel it. I tighten my hold of her and deepen our kiss, taking those two steps, feeling the water creeping up my thighs.

Lainey sucks in air, every part of her naked body still. So I hold on to her tighter, kiss her harder, more passionately, silently begging her to focus on that. She does, yet she remains tense in my arms, and I open my eyes to see hers are clenched shut as she ravishes my mouth. One more step has the water up to my belly button and submerging Lainey’s legs. I kiss on, watching her, taking the final step. Her hold around my shoulders constricts, probably applying more pressure per square inch than a fucking python. But I persevere, knowing her fear far outweighs my discomfort. And so does her bravery. Biting her lip, I let my feet fall from under me and let us sink that final little way until water covers our shoulders.

“Oh my God.” She releases my lips and looks around. “I’m in. Tyler, I’m in the water.” There’s happiness drenching her tone, but there’s also fear lacing it. I can’t let her think too much. I can’t let that fear drown out the elation she feels. “Oh my God.” Then there’s panic, and in delayed reaction, she starts squirming against me.

Taking my palms to her hips, I hold them tightly. “Lainey,” I say, getting my face in the field of her vision. She finds me, but then is soon darting panicked eyes around the water again. “Look at me,” I order, probably more abruptly than I should.

Her scared blues land on me. “But I’m in the water.”

“And I’ve got you,” I assure her, squeezing her hips. “There’s not a chance on this earth that I’ll let go of you.” More double meaning statements.

“Please don’t,” she says quickly, and I kiss her again. Make her forget again. Make everything except her, me, and this kiss disappear.

For the first time, she has ceded control. She wants me to hold her, stand by her, be with her.

Peace. It drifts down from nowhere and settles across my shoulders. Something very significant just happened to my heart.

And it was a fuckload more than a ping.“I CAN’T BELIEVE I’VE BEEN swimming.” Lainey’s excitement is infectious. She’s like the cutest jack-in-the-box I’ve ever seen, jumping up and down as we make our way back to my apartment after showering by the pool. She’s smiling so brightly, it’s enough to make a grown man cry. I’m not going to rain on her parade and tell her that she didn’t technically swim. Clinging onto my back while I did a few lengths doesn’t qualify as swimming, but God, it felt so good. The awe on her face was indescribable. And so was the pride I felt, especially when she tentatively let go of me halfway up the steps and climbed the rest of the way herself. It’s progress. We’ll be back in that pool again very soon.

That’s weird. I just thought we in connection with my pool. I’ve never taken anyone swimming with me. It’s always been my private place. My quiet solace in a world of noise and activity. And yet, I want Lainey to share that with me.

I laugh at her excitement and curl an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in as we walk into the kitchen. “You did so well.”

She looks up at me, resting her palm on my stomach. The trust in those eyes is now fierce, her face dreamy. She’s looking at me like I’m the only thing that matters in her existence, and while there have been plenty of women who have given me this dreamy look, none of them have penetrated me. None of those looks got under my skin and reached my heart. None of them stole my breath. This look that’s centered on me now hasn’t just reached my heart, it may have punctured it.

Lainey reaches up on tippy-toes, pressing her lips to my cheek. “It was all you, you know. I would never have done that with anyone else.” Her honesty, the sheer sincerity she’s exuding, makes the backs of my eyes prickle uncomfortably. Shit, what’s got into me?