Gentleman Sinner

‘It doesn’t seem fair.’ He cups my cheek, his eyes running over my dark waves. ‘I get to have free rein over you, and you don’t me.’

I smile sadly. ‘I will one day, but until then, don’t ever lose your hyperawareness of me.’

‘There’s no way.’ He kisses me and falls back to the bed, holding me tightly in his arms – the place I love the most.

‘We’ll fix this,’ I vow. ‘One day.’

‘And I’ll love you every day.’ He kisses the top of my head and pulls me into him. ‘Protect you, worship you, treat you like a queen and—’

‘Fuck me like a whore.’ I smile into his chest. ‘I don’t want to rain on your parade, but it’s kinda lost its impact.’

He chuckles softly, nudging me. ‘I never said it for impact. I said it because I meant it.’

‘Good.’ I raise my finger in the air and wait for him to claim it and place it on his chest. Then I start tracing the lines of the script on his pec, slowly, peacefully . . . and happily. We lie in silence for an age, my thoughts no longer twisting my brain, but more untangling it. I’m thinking realistically and sensibly. It’s the only way to approach this. To approach Theo. His vulnerability is a comfort, but it’s also a burden. A heavy one that I’m willing to shoulder, because he loves me so deeply. He wants to be better for me. Any man who wants to change so desperately is worth the devotion. Theo is worth every bit of my devotion and more. ‘You could try something for me,’ I say tentatively, biting my lip nervously.

‘Anything.’

I have a feeling he might regret that. I look up at him, nervous. ‘Therapy.’

Though his face remains straight, I feel his body stiffen beneath me. ‘Okay,’ he says on a mere wisp of breath, surprising me. ‘As long as you come with me.’

‘You want me to come?’

He nods, and my mind spirals. If I go with him, that means I’ll hear everything he tells the therapist. ‘Yes,’ he says quietly, clearly reading my mind. I should be happy. I should be grateful. But I’m not. Because I sense Theo expects the same openness from me in return. I lay my head on his chest, escaping his gaze, and let myself wonder if I could do that. Tell him everything. The throb of my heart gives me my answer. No. Never. Quiet falls again, and I stare at the wall, hypnotized by the feel of his hand stroking circles across my back. But then Theo’s mobile sounds, piercing our peace, and he groans. ‘I should get that. I told Callum I’d join him in the Playground half an hour ago.’ He lifts, bringing me with him. ‘I’ll be an hour, tops.’ He manipulates my body on the bed and starts to tuck me in all tight and cosy before dropping a kiss on my forehead. ‘Go to sleep.’

I snuggle down, happy to lie here and snooze while he’s gone. ‘Promise me you won’t get on the couch if I’m asleep when you get back,’ I mumble tiredly.

‘I promise.’ He gets up and quickly dresses.

‘But promises are only words that evaporate in the air the moment they’re spoken,’ I quip, containing my smile when he pauses mid-pull-up of his trousers.

He slowly turns and gazes at me with eyes so clear. ‘Not any more.’Chapter 24

When I wake, I’m in that place again, the one between sleep and consciousness, yet now my contentment carries over from my dream world into my real world. I smile and sit up, blinking into the hazy light. The clock says it’s eleven o’clock, a whole three hours since Theo left me in bed. What happened to him being an hour? My phone glows from the nightstand and I reach for it, seeing a text from Theo.Call me if you wake up. xI pull up his number and go to dial, but a sound from outside his bedroom stops me. Shuffling to the side of the bed, I quickly throw on some jeans and an oversize T-shirt and head out to the lounge. I find it empty. Frowning, I hurry to the door and pull it open, jumping a little when I nearly walk into Penny.

She gives me a small smile. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘It’s fine,’ I say, taking her in. She looks good. Good for a woman who’s been violated so awfully. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I have a cracking headache.’ She reaches up to her head and holds the side. ‘Do you have any painkillers?’

‘In my purse.’ I back up and grab my bag, retrieving the pills from my inside pocket. ‘When was the last time you took some?’

‘Just before I fell asleep. About four.’

I hand them over, satisfied there’s been a long enough time since her last dose. ‘Here.’