Gentleman Sinner

He keeps me in place with serious eyes, shaking his head a little.

So I go on, everything clear. ‘There will be no charges pressed against you, either, will there? Not by Sugden, Susan, or the hospital security staff.’

Theo shakes his head again.

I flex my fingers until he releases my hand, sitting back in my chair. He’s done some terrible things. He told me so himself. But he’s never been in jail. ‘Why are you not worried about the police?’

‘Because they can’t touch me.’

I breathe in. ‘Why?’

‘I deliver them lowlife scumbags like the bastard who attacked you and Penny in that alley the night I found you. He was wanted for dealing.’

‘And in return, they won’t touch you?’

‘Correct.’

‘So you keep them sweet?’

‘It isn’t just for my benefit. I’m taking dangerous men off the streets.’

‘You’re dangerous,’ I point out.

‘Are you scared of me?’

My jaw naturally tightens. ‘No.’

‘Case in point.’

I gawk at him. ‘How the hell is it case in point, Theo? I’m one of the only lunatics who isn’t scared of you.’

‘And that’s all that matters to me,’ he replies evenly, like that really is the end of it. ‘Your job is still yours, Izzy.’

I stare at him in utter disbelief. Just like that? But even if all of this disappears, I could never return to work. ‘Don’t you see, Theo?’ I ask, fighting to keep my arse on the chair instead of getting up and storming off. ‘If I go back to my job, do you think things will be easy for me? Susan might have been forced or intimidated into dropping her complaint, but I won’t be able to pretend it never happened, any more than she will be able to. The atmosphere will be unbearable.’ I swallow down my anger, fighting to maintain a calm tone. ‘You think you can use your power of persuasion and your connections to the police to make all this go away? It’s not that simple, Theo.’ There’s a very faint line on his forehead, evidence of a frown he’s trying to hold back. It only confirms my fear. He really did think it’s that simple. That I could dance back into work like nothing happened.

‘It sounds simple to me,’ he argues, looking slighted, confirming my thoughts.

‘Well, it’s not.’ I stand abruptly, and he looks up at me in shock. I think he actually expected me to fall to my knees in gratitude. Kiss his feet and reward him for getting me back the job that he lost. The man is insane. ‘Your skin might be thick and impenetrable, Theo, but mine is not. I care what people think. I care that the people I respect and value as friends think my boyfriend is a fucking maniac.’ I breathe in deeply as Theo sits back in his chair, quiet and accepting of my outburst. ‘I care that people look at you and think that you’re a bully and probably keep me in my place with your iron fist. Maybe literally.’ I just catch him wincing as I turn and walk away from him, the anger that was clogging up my throat now turning into emotion, the tears building, the despair becoming too much to shoulder.

‘Izzy, wait.’ He rounds me, ensuring he doesn’t touch me, and blocks the doorway. I take in his bare feet, the thread of his worn jeans dragging the carpet as he steps towards me. ‘I would never hurt you.’

I look up at him, my eyes brimming. ‘Not physically, no. But you’re hurting me here.’ I thump my hand over my chest. ‘The hospital was my haven, Theo. It was the one place in the world I felt safe, and you’ve taken it away from me.’ I quickly look down, realizing I’ve said too much, and close my eyes, hoping he doesn’t push me.

‘Izzy, look at me,’ he begs, his hand reaching for mine slowly. I don’t withdraw or stop him, but instead let him tentatively brush across my skin before he takes hold of my hand. I look up at him, finding sorrow and despair to match mine. ‘I want to be your safe haven,’ he whispers, lifting my hand to his cheek, holding it there. The feel of his bristle across my palm is harsh but so soft. I don’t want it to be, but it’s soothing.

I’m losing my battle to keep my emotion at bay, and tears tumble down my cheeks as he gently takes me in his arms. I feel overwrought and helpless, yet safer than I’ve ever felt before. He’s taken away my safe place and replaced it with another, but my new safe place is probably impenetrable. It’s made of steel and reinforced with iron. It’s real, and it can truly protect me. It’s him.

I sob into Theo’s chest, my head a riot of troubled thoughts. I can have my job and the security of the hospital, or I can have Theo and the security of him. Simply him. And as I cling to him, my tears soaking into his T-shirt, my small body jerking in his strong hold, I silently accept that no one can keep me safer than Theo can. But I have to work. I want to keep doing what I love.